I started a new job 2 months ago, and I'm attracted to my supervisor.. how do I shake it?

[anonymousbear]

So.. as the title says, I (24F) started a job 2 months ago, initially a 6 month temp position, which I was willing to do because it's a great role that would look great on my CV even after 6 months. Since I started the role I've felt attracted to my supervisor (41M). It's not a crush and I'm not pursuing it (he's in a relationship with our manager). I've been told that he wants me to stay after 6 months and they've altered a recent vacancy to suit me (they gave one person half the hours and they're giving me the other half to add on to my hours so they can keep me as a full time employee), and he'll then be my boss. The thing is, I find him looking at me quite often. Usually when I catch him he looks away immediately, yesterday I caught him looking at me and it took about 2 seconds before he looked away, it was very intently. 

So now I don't know how to continue, I love the role I love the people and I'm so grateful they found a way to keep me after the 6 months, how do I get rid of this attraction so I don't let it ruin what's good for me?

[Rose Mosse]

There’s a lot of adjustment going on while your roles are changing. Date or meet people outside of work and find a good balance. 

[Andrina]

Keep things professional, which means not getting together after work, not engaging in personal communication in social media and in person. Not stopping by each other's desks for personal chats and going to lunch. It could be that he senses you find him attractive and that's why he's looking. Why do you keep looking at him to see if he's noticing you?

Get in your work experience, and if you feel like he's making you uncomfortable by his presence, apply for work elsewhere. Nobody should be made to feel uncomfortable at work. 

When you meet a cute guy your age to date, the excitement of having an attractive boss should fade. There's usually attractive people no matter where you work, but putting up emotional barriers on your brain is within your power.

[boltnrun]

If you're noticing him "looking at" you, that means you're looking at him.  Maybe he's wondering why you're always looking at him.

Keep your head down and do your job.  Meet men outside of work and start dating them.  Once you are busy with dates and friends and family you won't want to entertain this momentary crush anymore.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, anonymousbear said:

I love the role I love the people and I'm so grateful they found a way to keep me after the 6 months, how do I get rid of this attraction so I don't let it ruin what's good for me?

Think of him as a father figure.

[catfeeder]

On 4/2/2022 at 10:49 AM, anonymousbear said:

So now I don't know how to continue, I love the role I love the people and I'm so grateful they found a way to keep me after the 6 months, how do I get rid of this attraction so I don't let it ruin what's good for me?

Yaaay for you! CongrAts on enjoying your new job, and also for potentially landing a way to stay.

You don't need to 'get rid of' the attraction--use it in your favor by allowing it to motivate you to perform your best and land the permanent position if that's what you want.

Since YOUR BOSS is the one who's involved with the guy, and your goal is to keep and develop your job, then allow yourself to be inspired by your desire to impress this COUPLE.

The good news is that you can't impress one without also impressing the other, or--let's face it, the job itself will become a fail. So? Keep performing professionally enough to impress YOUR boss, and if the guy steps up to endorse you as well, you're golden.

However, if you sexualize the attraction to the degree that it disturbs YOUR BOSS, then, not so golden. Right?

You've been walking that tightrope in your own best interests. Just keep doing that.

Meanwhile, you may find it helpful to use this 'golden' feeling as motivation to also pursue interests and new friendships and possible romances outside of the work environment.

You can parlay this special 'sparkle' time into a better life outside of work, and from there, you'll have the whole package.

Keep playing this right, and I hope you'll let us know how things go.

Head high and enjOy!

[Jaunty]

Lordy.  There are so many threads about somebody looking at somebody else.  And even counting how many seconds a look lasted.  

Just IGNORE that.  Frankly, you shouldn't  be bothering to clock such things.  People get attracted. It happens.  Some people act inappropriately.  What's your business is how you handle your own side of the street.  Put your head down, do your work great, and have a good time dating and socializing with your real friends outside of your workplace.   As it is now, he is definitely reading your intense interest in how many times and for how many seconds he's looked at you.  So STOP paying that kind of attention.  By doing so, you are feeding into it.

Unless this guy is an extreme creeper, you should easily be able to freeze him out by maintaining your own impeccably professional behavior.  

That said:  If the man is behaving in a way that makes you uncomfortable, and you don't think you can manage the situation by disengagement, you need to find a different place to work.  

 

[smackie9]

Stop day dreaming and this is pass eventually.