Friendship advice

[Cookie81]

this is a friendship only post:
I have been speaking online to this particular man who happens to be an older gentleman who is an author of a few books  and used to be an actor ( he no longer acts and not a household name at all)  .. It’s definitely him I’m speaking with online. He approached me after I wrote a letter to him saying how much I loved his book. Please take in mind I never expected for him to talk with me but he approached me online and was being friendly with me overall talking about appropriate topics like shopping, travels, food ect. The conversations have been over the course of a few months and not all at once. He on 3 separate occasions kept saying he wants to respond to my first letter -I don’t expect him too!  but he kept saying it on his own several times to me lol ...Whomever reads this , I simply enjoy the friendship and of course I don’t expect anything else from him .  To this day from several months ago he still hasn’t responded to the first letter ( he wanted to respond to questions I had about his book)  ( again I don’t expect but he said it multiple times! ) About 7 weeks ago , I asked him if I can send another letter in regards to his 2nd book  and he responded quickly saying to do so. I asked because when we first started talking we discussed this, I left him a message online 7 weeks ago saying I was going to mail it out…A month ago I sent a second message ( I normally don’t)but there was postal service issues at the time and I hand wrote the letter . All I asked was if the letter was delivered safely to him as there was usps issues. He opened that message left me on read and has since not responded …I’m just hoping it was ok to ask him if he got it? I obviously didn’t expect him to talk or respond about the letter but just wanted a confirmation that he received it. So since 7 weeks ago I haven’t heard anything at all …its hard when your talking to someone and they just leave you hanging. I won’t message again because I don’t want him to get the wrong impression with me.. was me asking if he received it ok? I didn’t want to come across pushy . He’s been active online and posting comments to others so I know he’s fine. I’m hoping I wasn’t just forgotten.   I guess I’m just looking for some advice or input from this whole situation. And yes I have other friends I see in person , But I guess I thought I was making another friend . Sorry if this sounds odd coming from an older person . Please bear with me..

[Rose Mosse]

Going by the series of events he’s not interested in responding to you and I don’t think you should take it too seriously or personally either. He’s not a friend. He’s an author/retired actor and you like his books.

Think about how awkward if it would be if he said no to you sending letters. He won’t do that as you’re part of his fan club. He’ll simply smile and nod and if he doesn’t have time or doesn’t want to do it he won’t or he’ll save it for later but that later may never come. 

I wouldn’t place too much stock on whatever he says as he’s not a friend. His actions show this. Continue enjoying his works but keep the personal out of it.

 

[Wiseman]

Considering he never replied to the first letter despite multiple back and forths about it and left you on read, I wouldn't say you were forgotten, but rather, were intentionally ignored in the end. I remember a similar experience of mine with an author. They said they'd mail me some stickers and what not as a thank you for having pointed out a grammatical error they had made. Never happened, and never replied back. I think it's just the person being kind in words, but nothing further. 

Enjoy his books, but ultimately, don't waste any more time wondering about this friendship because it's really not one at all. Peace and blessings.

[catfeeder]

Awww, I'm sorry you're disappointed. Consider that this guy writes for a living. He likely views it as 'work' to correspond. While he may have been touched by your letter, and he wanted you to know this, he's really not up for doing any book reports on his work.

[Wiseman2]

You never met and this was just a penpal, if not a catfish. Do not send people you don't know stuff.

It's been months since a response, so let go and get involved with real people and real things:

 

[Cookie81]

5 hours ago, catfeeder said:

Awww, I'm sorry you're disappointed. Consider that this guy writes for a living. He likely views it as 'work' to correspond. While he may have been touched by your letter, and he wanted you to know this, he's really not up for doing any book reports on his work.

Thanks for your response. It wasn’t for a book report, it was for me to just give him insight on his writings and HE was the one who mentioned it. I forgot to add in my first post ( sorry it was long) that he even mentioned that he would send me a pdf file of one his unreleased writings for me to look over and when he wrote to me he said my insight would be valuable to him. I never expected him to say all this to me and so course I got excited. I know I have to let go but why say all these things to someone then just disappear . It’s so disappointing..I still like his works but now because he did this to me I’m seeing him in a different light now..oh well

[Cookie81]

5 hours ago, Wiseman said:

Considering he never replied to the first letter despite multiple back and forths about it and left you on read, I wouldn't say you were forgotten, but rather, were intentionally ignored in the end. I remember a similar experience of mine with an author. They said they'd mail me some stickers and what not as a thank you for having pointed out a grammatical error they had made. Never happened, and never replied back. I think it's just the person being kind in words, but nothing further. 

Enjoy his books, but ultimately, don't waste any more time wondering about this friendship because it's really not one at all. Peace and blessings.

Thanks for your response and sharing your experience. It was just confusing on my end that he would be so friendly with me . I didn’t mention in my first post that he did say he wanted to send me some file of one of his unreleased writings for me to look over and that my input would be valuable to him. Situations like this never happen to me so of course I got excited. I’ve never brought that up again to him since he mentioned that. I know I have to let go and I continue to like his works , but it’s so disappointing that he said said and did all this with me only to suddenly not respond.

[boltnrun]

You seem to be in the habit of trying to start online "friendships" with men.  Why is that?

In person friendships with people you can actually interact with are so much more fulfilling.  If you're interested in books and reading join a book club (not an online club!) where you can make real, local friends.  Get involved in charities that supply books to children and shut ins to both help out and meet people.  

[Batya33]

He decided he no longer wished to have your insights on his writings.  He figured you'd figure that out when he did not respond.  He's busy with his work as an author.  When you correspond with an important person like him presume that it's going to be very short lived and presume he or she has no time to respond so if he/she does it's a gift.

I've been in similar situations and recently. I presume each and every time that if the important and highly busy person responds it's such a gift, such an honor.  I never presume that we will have ongoing communication - I'm just an individual who admires his/her work and I am one of many individuals. I am an avid reader and have done creative writing in the distant past.    

I also think it's possible alarm bells went up because you contacted him more than once and he was concerned if he kept responding you wouldn't have appropriate boundaries.  I've cut off people who started to be pushy in that way with me.  It's uncomfortable. 

I don't think he left you hanging because I think your expectation that he would definitely respond was unrealistic under the circumstances.  

[MissCanuck]

15 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

I wouldn’t place too much stock on whatever he says as he’s not a friend. His actions show this. Continue enjoying his works but keep the personal out of it.

I agree with this. 

It's best not to attach too much meaning to online correspondance, OP. Yes, he was friendly with you but I don't think he had much intention of following through with responding to your letters. He was paying lip service, it seems. 

I would instead focus on offline friendships. They're generally more rewarding. 

[catfeeder]

17 hours ago, Cookie81 said:

Thanks for your response and sharing your experience. It was just confusing on my end that he would be so friendly with me . I didn’t mention in my first post that he did say he wanted to send me some file of one of his unreleased writings for me to look over and that my input would be valuable to him. Situations like this never happen to me so of course I got excited. I’ve never brought that up again to him since he mentioned that. I know I have to let go and I continue to like his works , but it’s so disappointing that he said said and did all this with me only to suddenly not respond.

I hear. Some people just flake, and I wouldn't take it personally.

The guy makes a living from his words, so they're a commodity for him and he's good at them, but he's obviously not someone who keeps his word.

You're better off learning that early rather than after investing any real time or interest.

Head high.

[Cherylyn]

He's not a serious, genuine friend.  If I were you, I'd fade away.  Don't pursue this friendship anymore because your intuition should tell you that something about him doesn't ring true.  Always listen to your gut instincts and become alarmed by any red flags because these warnings are there for a reason.   Best to dissolve and exit this so-called friendship which really isn't a true friendship. 

You shouldn't have to ask questions in order to get answers from him.  Something about him doesn't add up.  Beware.