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What Do You Think Of This Philosophy?


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First of all, I wanted to apologize for the screen name.  I let someone use my account and she changed it to this.  I'm not allowed to change it back for the next 180 days.

In any case, I recently met a girl at church and she told me,

"In all of my relationships, whether it is romantically or not, have been based on lies and deceit.  I'm the most honest person and I never lie."

Do you think this is normal?

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No it is not normal. There is a tried and true saying - if you want to see who the person is, take a good look at the company they keep. Meaning that like attracts like and if all they attract are liars......

On that note, genuinely honest people never ever walk around telling you that they are an honest person or worse, that they never lie, which is a lie in and of itself. Kind of ironic on the latter. Manipulative people, however, frequently try to convince others of their honesty and will often add to it by presenting themselves as the victim. Exactly what this woman did - she is so special and everyone around her is evil. In reality, she is the common denominator.

 

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10 minutes ago, DancingFool said:

No it is not normal. There is a tried and true saying - if you want to see who the person is, take a good look at the company they keep. Meaning that like attracts like and if all they attract are liars......

On that note, genuinely honest people never ever walk around telling you that they are an honest person or worse, that they never lie, which is a lie in and of itself. Kind of ironic on the latter. Manipulative people, however, frequently try to convince others of their honesty and will often add to it by presenting themselves as the victim. Exactly what this woman did - she is so special and everyone around her is evil. In reality, she is the common denominator.

 

"Manipulative people, however, frequently try to convince others of their honesty and will often add to it by presenting themselves as the victim."

She is an attractive woman and a lot of men, especially older men, do things for her.  But I don't know if that would be considered being manipulative on her part.  She is just accepting gifts by these older men.

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7 minutes ago, DELETEDPROFILE007 said:

"Manipulative people, however, frequently try to convince others of their honesty and will often add to it by presenting themselves as the victim."

She is an attractive woman and a lot of men, especially older men, do things for her.  But I don't know if that would be considered being manipulative on her part.  She is just accepting gifts by these older men.

So that makes her a cold user in addition to being manipulative. Those men aren't doing things for her just because she has a pretty face. They want more and she is leading them to believe that if they do x and y, they have that chance. This is literally manipulation 101.

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21 minutes ago, DancingFool said:

So that makes her a cold user in addition to being manipulative. Those men aren't doing things for her just because she has a pretty face. They want more and she is leading them to believe that if they do x and y, they have that chance. This is literally manipulation 101.

Thank you for responding.  From what I perceive, she hasn't asked any of them for anything.  They just offer it and she accepts.  She seems like a nice and friendly person.  Isn't it possible that they are nice men doing things for another nice person?  I don't believe she is pretending that they have a "chance" since the age gap is over 25-years between her and these several older men.

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I don't think what you've laid out here is a philosophy. It's one person's interpretation of her life story. 

As for the interpretation, my own take on it is pretty similar to DancingFool's. Damsel stuff, in short. Seems her comfort zone is being a victim of other people's whims, which is not uncommon. It has its pluses, in that you don't have to take responsibility for your own choices, and some negatives, in that you stunt your own growth by outsourcing it to others. 

As for all this stuff involving older men and gifts? Honestly, why is this so compelling to you? Is it that she is attractive and you're interested in her? Do you want to be a respite of a truth that changes her view of people and relationships? 

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3 minutes ago, bluecastle said:

I don't think what you've laid out here is a philosophy. It's one person's interpretation of her life story. 

As for the interpretation, my own take on it is pretty similar to DancingFool's. Damsel stuff, in short. Seems her comfort zone is being a victim of other people's whims, which is not uncommon. It has its pluses, in that you don't have to take responsibility for your own choices, and some negatives, in that you stunt your own growth by outsourcing it to others. 

As for all this stuff involving older men and gifts? Honestly, why is this so compelling to you? Is it that she is attractive and you're interested in her? Do you want to be a respite of a truth that changes her view of people and relationships? 

I do think she is pretty and I did ask if she is available to date.  She is from Taiwan and said she needs to find a wealthy man who is also from Taiwan.  In the near future she needs to move back to Taiwan to take care of a sickly family member.  Even though there is no future with her, it's nice to be around a beautiful woman.  Maybe these older men, who are giving her gifts, just enjoy giving gifts to a beautiful woman with no ulterior motives.

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15 minutes ago, DELETEDPROFILE007 said:

said she needs to find a wealthy man who is also from Taiwan. 

Well, there it is.

She's not the innocent recipient of unsolicited gifts. No wonder she's trying to convince you of how honest she is. Maybe she thinks she can get some gifts out of you.

Don't fall into the trap of believing women who are pretty are automatically virtuous. Pretty is not always more than skin deep. 

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2 hours ago, DELETEDPROFILE007 said:

In any case, I recently met a girl at church and she told me,

"In all of my relationships, whether it is romantically or not, have been based on lies and deceit.  I'm the most honest person and I never lie."

I wouldn't go to wherever church she goes to 🐍

Edited by Wiseman2
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13 minutes ago, DELETEDPROFILE007 said:

Even though there is no future with her, it's nice to be around a beautiful woman.  Maybe these older men, who are giving her gifts, just enjoy giving gifts to a beautiful woman with no ulterior motives.

It seems you could look in the mirror and see that your read on things is maybe fantastical. 

Do the math. You would like to be "around" this beautiful woman, which, hey, is an understandable impulse. One could deduce from that that you wouldn't mind being, ahem, more than just around, should the opportunity arise through some persistence.

These men, their gifts: it may not be conscious, though it may very well be, but I would say it's safe to assume that the gifts are given in hopes of being more than just around. I also think it's safe to assume that she very well understands all this, regardless of whether or not she chooses to pretend otherwise, since she is open about searching for a wealthy man to take care of her. 

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41 minutes ago, bluecastle said:

It seems you could look in the mirror and see that your read on things is maybe fantastical. 

Do the math. You would like to be "around" this beautiful woman, which, hey, is an understandable impulse. One could deduce from that that you wouldn't mind being, ahem, more than just around, should the opportunity arise through some persistence.

These men, their gifts: it may not be conscious, though it may very well be, but I would say it's safe to assume that the gifts are given in hopes of being more than just around. I also think it's safe to assume that she very well understands all this, regardless of whether or not she chooses to pretend otherwise, since she is open about searching for a wealthy man to take care of her. 

After reading all these comments there is something I just have to know.  She gave me her number in case I ever feel like chatting.  So I called.  She said she had to take her car into the shop to get repaired.  So "Robert" from church has been picking her up in the morning and driving her to school.  Another friend drives her home. 

I asked if any of these men are charging her and she said no.  I asked her why does she think these men are doing these things for her?  She said it's because they are very nice and thoughtful people.  I said if these men are so nice and thoughtful, why don't they help out "Judy", who is overweight?  Or "Betty" who is 65-years-old and handicapped?  Or any of these other women?

She thought about it and said she is young (27-years-old) and still learning about life and herself.

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I can second DF. She seems like the prototype of the girl dating SugarDaddies(mostly married ofcourse) for money wondering why they wont divorce their wives and marry her. She is the common denominator there. Asking for trouble. Then making herself a victim after she innevitably gets burned.

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6 minutes ago, DELETEDPROFILE007 said:

So "Robert" from church has been picking her up in the morning and driving her to school.  Another friend drives her home. 

Make sure you are not the one who is paying for the repair bill.

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8 minutes ago, DELETEDPROFILE007 said:

She thought about it and said she is young (27-years-old) and still learning about life and herself.

She is playing the innocent girl card. She knows exactly what she is doing.

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9 minutes ago, Blue_Skirt said:

Make sure you are not the one who is paying for the repair bill.

Yeah, she might "casually" mention that the bill for car repair is super high and she's just not sure how she's going to be able to pay it!!

And that schlocky comment about being "young (27, come on, that's not that young!) and still learning about life"...she sure has figured out how to get men to give her gifts and do things for her 

Have you bought her anything or paid for anything for her yet?

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18 minutes ago, DELETEDPROFILE007 said:

She is an attractive woman and a lot of men, especially older men, do things for her.  But I don't know if that would be considered being manipulative on her part.  She is just accepting gifts by these older men.

This is such a red flag to me.  Women accepting gifts from men they are likely not attracted to are manipulators and totally dishonest. She is not to be trusted in any way in my opinion if this is her behavior.

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1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

Yeah, she might "casually" mention that the bill for car repair is super high and she's just not sure how she's going to be able to pay it!!

And that schlocky comment about being "young (27, come on, that's not that young!) and still learning about life"...she sure has figured out how to get men to give her gifts and do things for her 

Have you bought her anything or paid for anything for her yet?

No.  I have active listening skills though.  I enjoy listening and she enjoys talking.  She hasn't asked me for anything yet.  Just as she hasn't asked any of those other men for anything either.

Attractive women accepting gifts.  Finding a wealthy husband.  At the church I go to there are successful business men, a doctor and a pilot I know.  They all have attractive wives.  The women wear the nicest clothes and have nice jewelry.  So it must work.

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2 minutes ago, robhsdca said:

This is such a red flag to me.  Women accepting gifts from men they are likely not attracted to are manipulators and totally dishonest. She is not to be trusted in any way in my opinion if this is her behavior.

Who says a woman who accepts gifts has to be attracted (physically or sexually) to him?  She might just enjoy his company.  Why does that make her shallow?

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23 minutes ago, DELETEDPROFILE007 said:

After reading all these comments there is something I just have to know. 

What is it that you "have" to know? Why she gave you her number? Seems she likes attention from men, especially those that can help her. Seems you find this to be pretty compelling. Seems to me you are making a mystery where there isn't one to be made in order to rationalize the sour aftertaste this compulsion is leaving on your palate. 

1 minute ago, DELETEDPROFILE007 said:

Who says a woman who accepts gifts has to be attracted (physically or sexually) to him?

No one is saying this, best I can tell. But keep in mind these are relationships that she is encouraging, devoting her time to establishing, just as another human being might politely discourage the gifts. Stir in the comment about "all" her relationships are based in lies and, well, it's not the cutest of looks, cute as she may be. 

 

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When I was a young girl, I received a very expensive present from a boy that I only liked as a friend. My parents made me give the present back.

It's not right to accept presents from people that you know are interested in you but you are not in them. 

And by the way 27 is not that young.  lol. not in the I'm so innocent, I'm just a baby in the woods way.

This woman knows exactly what she says and does. 

You're obviously very trusting yourself or your own user name would not have been changed. Which was a very disrespectfulthing for a "friend" to do. I think you might need to wise up a little. Or you'll find yourself paying for her flight to Taiwan. 

And why all these people are trash and untrustworthy polls? what's happening with you? 

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28 minutes ago, Lambert said:

When I was a young girl, I received a very expensive present from a boy that I only liked as a friend. My parents made me give the present back.

It's not right to accept presents from people that you know are interested in you but you are not in them. 

And by the way 27 is not that young.  lol. not in the I'm so innocent, I'm just a baby in the woods way.

This woman knows exactly what she says and does. 

You're obviously very trusting yourself or your own user name would not have been changed. Which was a very disrespectfulthing for a "friend" to do. I think you might need to wise up a little. Or you'll find yourself paying for her flight to Taiwan. 

And why all these people are trash and untrustworthy polls? what's happening with you? 

I agree with you.  I need to wise up.  I have to stop viewing events with "rose-tinted" glasses.  It's so hard to do.  

I don't understand the last sentence, "And why all these people are trash and untrustworthy polls? what's happening with you?"

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41 minutes ago, bluecastle said:

What is it that you "have" to know? Why she gave you her number? Seems she likes attention from men, especially those that can help her. Seems you find this to be pretty compelling. Seems to me you are making a mystery where there isn't one to be made in order to rationalize the sour aftertaste this compulsion is leaving on your palate. 

No one is saying this, best I can tell. But keep in mind these are relationships that she is encouraging, devoting her time to establishing, just as another human being might politely discourage the gifts. Stir in the comment about "all" her relationships are based in lies and, well, it's not the cutest of looks, cute as she may be. 

 

I think you hit it right on the nail!  That I'm making a mystery where there isn't one.  I need to stop looking at this through "rose-tinted" glasses.

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11 minutes ago, DELETEDPROFILE007 said:

I agree with you.  I need to wise up.  I have to stop viewing events with "rose-tinted" glasses.  It's so hard to do.  

I don't understand the last sentence, "And why all these people are trash and untrustworthy polls? what's happening with you?"

You made a poll quoting Freud saying that all people are trash. Now this survey asking for opinions about people being liars and deceitful.

Do you believe this woman is virtuous and honest simply because she's pretty? If she looked more like Janet Reno would you believe everything she tells you? 

(Nothing against Janet Reno who is an intelligent and accomplished woman. She just isn't what you generally think of as "pretty").

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