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Ghosted by ex


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I was left for someone else after a long term relationship. I had a breakdown previously but was helped a great deal here and am doing much better. It has now been 4 months no contact after he ghosted me completely and left my last message unread. I understand that this is the break up process and it is perhaps normal to not speak to an ex especially has he had a new person involved. But it hurts so much to be ghosted like I do not matter at all, or that he does not care for pain he put me through.  How do you best process this? Because I still struggle with the heartbreak tremedously. Thankyou xxxxx

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How are you doing with the daily stuff like work or school? Are you tending to things regularly or having trouble concentrating? 

Leave room for mistakes and be open and honest with your loved ones if you’re struggling. Ask for help if you need help. Talk with your doctor, your parents and your friends. Stay connected with friends and family and don’t be too isolated. 

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Have you completely removed him from your life? Do you still have him as a "friend" on any social media platforms? Do you regularly look at his Facebook or Instagram? Are you doing anything else that might be keeping yourself attached to him?

I had an ex who left me for someone else. And I had trouble moving forward because I kept doing stupid stuff like looking at his and his girlfriend's social media and doing stealth drive bys at his house. The only way I was finally able to put him behind me was to completely remove him from my life. I even moved 300 miles away (although that's pretty extreme!). And it worked. I do not love him and do not want him back. He's completely in my past.

If you have indeed completely cut him out of your life, then all you can do is ride it out. Time does indeed heal. I can assure you of that. Spend time with friends and family and keep busy doing things you enjoy. Eventually you will start feeling better, probably without you even realizing it at first.

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1 hour ago, Rose Mosse said:

How are you doing with the daily stuff like work or school? Are you tending to things regularly or having trouble concentrating? 

Leave room for mistakes and be open and honest with your loved ones if you’re struggling. Ask for help if you need help. Talk with your doctor, your parents and your friends. Stay connected with friends and family and don’t be too isolated. 

Thank-you.  I have tried to keep busy with work and things. It has been hard to function at times and I have had a few mistakes but I think it is just the grieving process.  Friends and family are important as they have helped me not to feel too isolated when I have at times felt so alone xxxx

 

 

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1 hour ago, Kyle12 said:

Thank-you.  I have tried to keep busy with work and things. It has been hard to function at times and I have had a few mistakes but I think it is just the grieving process.  Friends and family are important as they have helped me not to feel too isolated when I have at times felt so alone xxxx

 

 

It is ok to make mistakes. They can be corrected as long as it’s not life and death. That’s good that you have friends and family with you. Stay in touch with them and keep telling yourself you’ll get through it. It didn’t work but it’s not the end for you. There’s more to come. 

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1 hour ago, Rose Mosse said:

It is ok to make mistakes. They can be corrected as long as it’s not life and death. That’s good that you have friends and family with you. Stay in touch with them and keep telling yourself you’ll get through it. It didn’t work but it’s not the end for you. There’s more to come. 

Thank-you 😊 xx

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4 hours ago, Kyle12 said:

. It has been hard to function at times and I have had a few mistakes but I think it is just the grieving process.  Friends and family are important as they have helped me not to feel too isolated 

See a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Discuss your anxiety, depression, isolation, low libido, and withdrawal. 

Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

An ex is not responsible for your mental health months and months after a long dead relationship. You weren't even attracted to him.

It's time to take care of yourself and focus on getting healthier.

Is this the same man?:

 

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41 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

See a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Discuss your anxiety, depression, isolation, low libido, and withdrawal. 

Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

An ex is not responsible for your mental health months and months after a long dead relationship. You weren't even attracted to him.

It's time to take care of yourself and focus on getting healthier.

Is this the same man?:

 

"An ex is not responsible for your mental health." Very true and thank-you. I will work on myself xxx 

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It's not some "break up process" and it's simply him as a human being choosing not to respond for whatever reason.  And there's the clue - it's whatever reason because he is your ex so don't assume you know what happened -maybe he is with someone else, maybe he thought he responded but didn't -a million reasons just like with any random person where you no longer have any interaction.

I'm sorry you're feeling lonely.  Don't "work on yourself" - that's too vague.  Do something every single day that shows you you are committed to making small or big changes.  Do you do volunteer work? Do you do cardio exercise? Do you drink enough water and avoid sugary drinks?

I'm stressed in the mornings getting my son out the door. A week and a half ago I made a change.  Now once we get outside to the bus stop I practice my 4-7-8 breathing that I typically only do at night to help me fall asleep (Weil method -google it -highly recommend for destressing, getting perspective).  I do this at least 2-3 times where before I'd be maybe checking my phone.  Tiny change.  Rather significant mental and physical benefit. I'm not "working on myself" -I did one thing. 

Do one thing.  Big or small.  Reach out to a friend and just listen to the person whether the person wants to share good or not so good things.  All these things help with perspective.  Good luck and I hope you feel better. 

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16 hours ago, Kyle12 said:

it is perhaps normal to not speak to an ex especially has he had a new person involved. But it hurts so much to be ghosted like I do not matter at all, or that he does not care for pain he put me through.  How do you best process this?

It might be helpful to consider this practically. For instance, if I'm the 'bad guy' in a breakup, how would it benefit ME OR EX in any way to address the emotions of the person I've hurt?

Could it clear my conscience? No, since I'm not going to change my position. It would only make ME feel worse without making my ex feel one shred better.

So that's how I'd frame the answer to my desire for ex to have handled our estrangement any differently--there's no 'good' outcome to be had from that.

Reconciling this frees me to move beyond the stagnation of such a fantasy.

I'd also strengthen my resolve by jotting down all the negatives I can think of about ex over the course of time. it doesn't need to be a complete list in one shot, but rather, as I run my vacuum or take a shower, something might occur to me about that disloyal blankin' assclown that I write down to capture in my fortification list.

Anger is one of the natural stages of grief, and if you can provoke yourself to go there, you may thrive for a bit on some fiery energy that propels you forward and prevents you from drilling into a deeper hole to climb out of.

Head high, and write more if it helps.

 

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