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Why can’t I ever call it quits?


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I’m a 26F single mother and have been single for 7 months. I have been getting back into dating. There have been a few guys I’ve liked but I always find myself talking to them for far longer than necessary. I will ignore multiple red flags and keep the chat going when I know we aren’t well matched? Why do I do this? Probably should add that my marriage ended when I found out about my husbands 6month long affair and potential other child while caring for our 3rd child who was 6 weeks old. 

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Oh OP, I'm so sorry for the divorce. That sounds very painful.

Have you fully moved on and healed from your ex? Are you happy being single? Are you seeing a therapist to help you unpack? Cause your self esteem might have very well been affected by the divorce, which could explain why you are accepting unacceptable behaviour/red flags. I suggest you start there.

And aside from that, give yourself some time to heal and really think what you want out of a partner, and what kind of partner you want to be. Reflect, and be kind to yourself. For the love of yourself, only go with men who meet your criteria. Anything less, "thank you, next".

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1 hour ago, Kaitlinabbey said:

I’m a 26F single mother and have been single for 7 months. I have been getting back into dating.  I found out about my husbands 6month long affair and potential other child while caring for our 3rd child who was 6 weeks old. 

Sorry this is happening. Are you legally divorced and living apart?

Does he pay child support for the children? Do you co-parent and what is the visitation schedule like?

Do you work? Do you have help with the children? 

You seem lonely but not ready to date if you're using dating apps to find textbuddies.

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What arrangements do you have to care for your children if you actually were to go out and meet people? Why are you texting for so long without suggesting to meet in person -not ask out on a date- just meet in person?

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6 hours ago, Kaitlinabbey said:

I will ignore multiple red flags and keep the chat going when I know we aren’t well matched? Why do I do this?

Likely because you had a traumatic end to your marriage and are still trying to heal those wounds. So you're looking to other men to show you some attention or validation even when you know they're no good, just to keep rubbing that numbing cream on the wound your marriage left. 

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6 hours ago, Kaitlinabbey said:

I’m a 26F single mother and have been single for 7 months. I have been getting back into dating. There have been a few guys I’ve liked but I always find myself talking to them for far longer than necessary. I will ignore multiple red flags and keep the chat going when I know we aren’t well matched? Why do I do this? Probably should add that my marriage ended when I found out about my husbands 6month long affair and potential other child while caring for our 3rd child who was 6 weeks old. 

Maybe you’re lonely and instead of a dating app, check out meet ups in your area for other single mums or mums period. 

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Ya loneliness makes us desperate. I agree with the above post to reach out to a moms group to find friendship, and support/comfort. When you start to feel better about things, that's when you will be at your best looking for a new romance. 

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You may be taking paths of least resistance because you don't trust your own judgment.

You probably need more time.

Meanwhile, I'd put dating on hold to avoid inadvertently harming yourself and compounding the problem.

Have you considered pursuing counseling?

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