Jump to content

Getting back advise needed


Recommended Posts

Hi all, 

i know everyone will tell me to move on as my ex-girlfriend doesn’t love me anymore. Is there any other advice or shared experience for those success getting back with your ex-girlfriend?

my ex and i were in relationship for a year and 1 month. We were happy and were enjoying staycation in January. However it wasn’t the case, she told me that she doesn’t know if she love me anymore when i kinda push her to talk when i realised something was off. 

Fast forwards 3 weeks, she called to meet up in person and told me that she doesn’t love me anymore. She been thinking for the last 3 weeks since we last talk. I was too late to realise as she didn’t tell me that she was unhappy and something was off. She tried to fix on her own(this is what i think). I totally regretted it that when i finally found the one that i was looking for. Now she gone. I have been NC 11 days with her. I went online and read artical/ebooks on how relationship works, rebuild my confidence, communication, listening and self actualization. 

Thanks in advance. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Those books and articles can't do a thing about changing your ex girlfriend's feelings. 

I really hope you didn't pay money for any "get your ex back, guaranteed!!!111" scams. Those do not work.

All you can do is make any improvements to yourself and your life that you think are going to be helpful. If she comes back around you would have a better self to present to her. But otherwise it's best to continue to stay out of contact as you currently are.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

40 minutes ago, Jeffb89 said:

I have been NC 11 days with her. 

It's still too fresh and raw. It hurts, so let yourself feel that.  How old is she? What was the breakup about?

Slowly retool your life. Call old friends. Go out more. Join some clubs and groups. Volunteer. Get a side job. Stay very busy. 

Pour yourself into other stuff. While not a cure for a heartache, it helps you put one foot in front of the other until the heartache lessens. 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)
11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's still too fresh and raw. It hurts, so let yourself feel that.  How old is she? What was the breakup about?

Slowly retool your life. Call old friends. Go out more. Join some clubs and groups. Volunteer. Get a side job. Stay very busy. 

Pour yourself into other stuff. While not a cure for a heartache, it helps you put one foot in front of the other until the heartache lessens. 

 

 

She 34. I'm 33. She didn't said why. I asked if there third party involved. She said no. I trust her. 

I asked many times, she didn't say. What I read is that woman don‘t teach you what the problem. It is for guy to figure it out. I'm not sure if this true. 

I got injured badly when I was with her. We were having fun on the beach. But I fell and injured. Now I'm on long rehab. 

I'm currently took investment online course to make me busy. 

Edited: I think some act that I did which I though we could go as couple common goal but she thought I been following her. I wasn't leading. I also think she think that I did not have opinion to stand as I always give in to her. I felt that we lack of communication as she kept thing inside her.

Edited by Jeffb89
Link to comment
Share on other sites

13 minutes ago, Jeffb89 said:

What I read is that woman don‘t teach you what the problem. It is for guy to figure it out. I'm not sure if this true. 

Maybe for some people, but I find it tedious and ineffectual to expect anyone to read my mind. I prefer to say what the issue is so we can resolve it.

Those sites you're reading are basically useless as they tend to generalize. They have no way of knowing what your ex is thinking or feeling.

The best thing you can do is take care of your health. And stay busy with productive things. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Jeffb89 said:

she told me that she doesn’t know if she love me anymore

 

1 hour ago, Jeffb89 said:

she called to meet up in person and told me that she doesn’t love me anymore.

 

1 hour ago, Jeffb89 said:

i know everyone will tell me to move on as my ex-girlfriend doesn’t love me anymore.

She doesnt love you anymore. Move on.

There is no magic stick to get her back. Whether its her own feelings(after first 6 months, passion dies down, we dont see relationship anymore with "rose colored glasses" so either she saw something there or not, in her case she didnt) or maybe another guy(every time Ive heard there isnt another guy there, it was another guy involved), it really doesnt matter. She doesnt love you. No ammount of self-help books, or begging her to get you back, wont fix that. I am sorry, but you need to work toward acceptance that she is gone. Probably forever. Take some time, you will need it. Wont be easy. But work toward moving on. She isnt first, she wont be the last. No need to get fixated on somebody who wont return your felings.

Edited by Kwothe28
Link to comment
Share on other sites

In cases where someone has lost interest, there really is nothing more you can do. 

If she had wanted to save the relationship, she would have let you know - not broken up with you and gone No Contact. It's not some way of making you guess what the problem was. It's simply her knowing she doesn't see a future with you.

It hurts but the only thing you can do is accept that this wasn't a match for her, and work on your own healing. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 3/17/2022 at 12:46 PM, Jeffb89 said:

She 34. I'm 33. She didn't said why. I asked if there third party involved. She said no. I trust her. 

I asked many times, she didn't say. What I read is that woman don‘t teach you what the problem. It is for guy to figure it out. I'm not sure if this true. 

I got injured badly when I was with her. We were having fun on the beach. But I fell and injured. Now I'm on long rehab. 

I'm currently took investment online course to make me busy. 

Edited: I think some act that I did which I though we could go as couple common goal but she thought I been following her. I wasn't leading. I also think she think that I did not have opinion to stand as I always give in to her. I felt that we lack of communication as she kept thing inside her.

It’s possible her feelings faded. Try focusing on yourself and healing from your injury. Continuing to disregard what she’s saying or trying to get her back is disrespectful. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There is no online course (whether free or not) that is able to dissect how she is feeling, you have to take her word for it. 

 

There is very little you cando to changer her mind unfortunately, but there is a lot you can do to change YOUR mindset. The first part of that is stopping yourself from obsessing over what is unknowable (what SHE is thinking/ feeling). You can, however, change and control the negative or nagging impulses that you have.

 

All the advice here is absolutely correct. Just put one foot in front of the other and it will get easier at some point. 

  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nobody wants to return to the exact same person and relationship that made them unhappy enough to leave.

So trying to sell someone on that idea is only asking for more pain.

Instead, focus on rebuilding your own life. Trust that if you and she were ever a meant-to-be deal, you'll both cross paths again one day after you've both grown to reach your own higher ground.

If not, you'll have already reached your own higher ground and may possibly view her through different vision.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

It hurts to be told this.  It happened to me after a nine year relationship were I was told the same out of the blue and left me heart broken.  There is one piece of advice I can give you.  Do not contact her ever again, for any reason, ever. Not holidays, birthdays or anything else.   If she has fallen out of love with you she is the one that needs to miss you enough to contact you.  That may or may not happen.  In my experience it does happen but not for a long time; months or years, by which time you'll have moved on with your life. 

Start to work on yourself, your fitness, sports, languages, musical instruments etc.  I challenge you to learn Spanish and French and learn to play guitar.  These will help you establish an identity outside of her and the relationship.  There is a great future for you without her, believe me.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...