Question

ABrick · April 16

Hello all,

He has been acting tense and angry after returning. He texted me the day after the last time I posted saying I can’t wait to see you I miss you so much and then did not even hug me when he got in the car when I was picking him up from the airport. To top things off, he did not tell me the gate he would be arriving at after I had asked him for his flight information, and there was a whole debacle where I was trying to pick him up from the correct place hit had to converse with him over the phone and he was upset with the “stress in my voice”. “It was as if I was blaming him.” That was his reason for being standoffish to me. I haven’t even broached the subject of what he did while on his trip, staying out drinking late every night. Things are not good. I want the relationship on the basis that things get better, but I no longer think they will. I have been pushed to my limits. My issue with breaking up at this point is that I do not feel comfortable letting him stay after “the conversation.” It will be hard enough to get through telling him I need to end our relationship without feeding too much into “why.” I know he will find a way to scream at me and walk out with the upper hand. I’m not comfortable with him being here because I know he will act out and be passive aggressive if I let him. Is it wrong of me to ask him to leave? Money is really no object for him.

Wiseman2 · April 17

11 hours ago, ABrick said:

I do not feel comfortable letting him stay after “the conversation.”

What "conversation" is that? First you need to make up your mind.

Then give him adequate legal notice to vacate. It's that simple.

However you seem to hope he'll turn into something/someone else. Insincere break-up talks won't change him, in fact it will just perpetuate this drama.

MissCanuck · April 17

12 hours ago, ABrick said:

I know he will find a way to scream at me and walk out with the upper hand.

What upper hand? Upper hand for...whom? And why do you care who has this nebulous upper hand? This punk is a serial cheat. He has no hands to be upper.

No, it's not wrong to ask him to leave. In fact, that's exactly what you should have done a long time ago. This relationship has been dead and buried for ages.

Batya33 · April 17

26 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

What upper hand? Upper hand for...whom? And why do you care who has this nebulous upper hand? This punk is a serial cheat. He has no hands to be upper.

No, it's not wrong to ask him to leave. In fact, that's exactly what you should have done a long time ago. This relationship has been dead and buried for ages.

Any way you can have someone else there when you ask him to leave? Many years ago I did that for a friend -not because of risk of physical abuse but because she felt a third person there would prevent any uncomfortable interactions as she removed her stuff from the home she'd shared with her ex husband. He thanked me too actually.

ABrick · April 17

7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

What "conversation" is that? First you need to make up your mind.

Then give him adequate legal notice to vacate. It's that simple.

However you seem to hope he'll turn into something/someone else. Insincere break-up talks won't change him, in fact it will just perpetuate this drama.

I meant the conversation where I end the relationship.

as to asking him to leave, I meant leave without notice. This was more a moral dilemma over feeling bad about asking him to leave without notice.