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When is it acceptable for guys/girls to be friends?


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Curious on what people's views are on this - from the perspective of when you're dating a guy/in a new rel'ship?

What types of female friendships do you accept and tolerate in your rel'ship, that your man can have (if any)?
ie/only over the phone. Can they meet for coffee/dinner?

Of these scenarios, which one are you okay with:
Two exes.
Someone he dated for a bit.
Someone he just flirted w/but did not have a real rel'ship with?
Someone he just slept with.
A co-worker.

I've always been fine w/a guy being friends w/a woman who he was not romantically involved with, or saw her in that way. Like a co-worker.
Are you okay w/your man being friends; talking meeting up w/a co-worker? (they had the friendship b4 you)

Thanks for your perspectives.

Edited by Rox22
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I don't dictate what my partner can or cannot do. I don't have that right.  I simply make it a point to date and have a relationship with someone who's on the same page as me regarding friendships, whether it's the same gender as mine or not.

If I don't trust a man, why would I bother dating him?

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I've always been the understanding and accepting type when it came to female friendships my partners have. However, I find it hard when they talk about how "she wants him/is still interested in him"
If your partner has to keep telling the female he's friends with that the line has been drawn, how is that friendship?
If I'm friends w/a guy, and he keeps pushing the "us" card, then how am I being fair to my partner by continuing to be friends w/the guy?

Friendship to me should be the guy and the girl who are friends, do not cross, or disrespect their friend, or their friend's partner. 

Thoughts?

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If someone's boundaries are not aligned with mine I simply choose not to enter into a relationship with them. If they  start engaging in behaviors that I find unacceptable during the relationship I'll have a conversation with them about it once. If they choose to continue behaviors that I find unacceptable I have the option to end the relationship.

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1 hour ago, Rox22 said:

If I'm friends w/a guy, and he keeps pushing the "us" card, then how am I being fair to my partner by continuing to be friends w/the guy?

I wouldn’t do that to my partner. That behaviour pushing to be with you or flirting heavily is inappropriate. 

I have too much respect for my partners to do something like that and self-respect too. Similarly I’d have no respect for a man trying to make passes at someone else’s girlfriend or wife.

Edited by Rose Mosse
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1 hour ago, Rox22 said:

Friendship to me should be the guy and the girl who are friends, do not cross, or disrespect their friend, or their friend's partner. 

I think this is a healthy boundary and an appropriate requirement to have for a partner. 

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1 hour ago, Rox22 said:

 However, I find it hard when they talk about how "she wants him/is still interested in him"

How often do you date guys who do this? I'm guessing this has happened more than once, given the use of the plural "they." 

I would be out the door if I heard crap like that. 

I have no problem with opposite-sex friendships, if they are well and truly just friends. Not exes, not former hook-ups, not people harbouring crushes on my partner. 

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I think it's healthy for men and women to be friends. However, that friendship, by definition, has to be mutually platonic. What bonds you to an opposite sex friend is really no different than what bonds you to the same sex friend - shared interests and values without any romantic interest whatsoever. You see each other as human beings rather than as sexual objects.

So, if your bf is keeping around women who are into him as "friends", then that is not a genuine friendship. He is actually showing you that he is a low character loser who is happy to use and manipulate others to stroke his own ego. When you see that, you run.

Same goes for anyone who has a long string of ex's turned "friends". Again, you are looking at an individual who is quite toxic, trying to cloak his toxicity as something positive. There is nothing positive about that unless they are co-parenting.

On the flip side, healthy friendship is when the woman he is friends with is above board with you. She is happy to meet you, she is respectful of you and your relationship and she will actively avoid doing anything that might so much as give an appearance of impropriety. There has never ever been any romantic interest on either her end or his, and she actually puts the health of your relationship above their friendship.

 

Edited by DancingFool
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On 3/14/2022 at 11:54 AM, Rox22 said:

I find it hard when they talk about how "she wants him/is still interested in him"
If your partner has to keep telling the female he's friends with that the line has been drawn, how is that friendship?
If I'm friends w/a guy, and he keeps pushing the "us" card, then how am I being fair to my partner by continuing to be friends w/the guy?

Friendship to me should be the guy and the girl who are friends, do not cross, or disrespect their friend, or their friend's partner. 

Sure, but here we're not talking about the friendships, we're talking about the behavior of the BF who is telling you about it. 

Anyone who'd dangle this kind of stuff in front of me to make me jealous would be perfectly welcomed to make his friend as happy as she wishes, because I wouldn't stick around to know about it.

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On 3/14/2022 at 11:54 AM, Rox22 said:

I find it hard when they talk about how "she wants him/is still interested in him"

I know what I would do, and have done in that situation, and if my partner wouldn't do the same, he's not compatible with me and my relationship boundaries.

For instance, I accepted a social media friend's request from a former group friend I had when we were teens. He PM'd me inappropriate flirtatious messages, knowing I was married. I immediately deleted him as a friend.

Your bf should have ended that friendship immediately. He values the attention and ego boost more than respecting you and doing whatever it takes at all costs to maintain a healthy relationship with you.

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My own personal opinion- 

I'm fine with all of them, because it all comes down to- Do you trust your partner or not?

If you trust them, then it doesn't matter WHAT the other person; thinks, feels, says, does. 

They love them- Hey, they have great taste!  They have a crush on them-Doesn't bother me.  Even if they were to flirt with them or even try to get him to sleep with him- I TRUST MY HUSBAND and that even if a woman was literally throwing herself on him- I TRUST that he would say that he loves me, is married to me and doesn't want to throw away our relationship. 

My question is always- If you DON'T trust your partner to do just that, then why not?  And if NOT, then why are you even with them?  We LIVE in a CO-ED world.  Unless you are with your partner 24/7- then you DON'T know what they are doing 24/7, you are just trusting that they are at work, at the store, with a friend, etc- anyway.  It's all about Trust.  You either have it or you don't.  If you think your partner would stop loving you or jump into bed with someone else just cause they said they had a crush on them,  why does that SAY about your partner or for that matter, your relationship? 

That all being said- Everyone is different.  It's important to be with someone that has the same comfort levels as you.  If you don't, that's incompatibility. 

Personally, I wouldn't want to be with a man who didn't trust me to be around other men.  That shows that he thinks I have no honor, personal boundaries or respect for him or myself.    

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