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Long Distance Craziness part 1


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1 minute ago, gdemetrios said:

I promised her many things

A new home by the start of the year. A new life by the start of the year. I told her everything is going to be alright, she will see the new life I have ready for her. Don’t worry. 

All this for a scammer you've never met.

Of course she's going to be nice to you.  I don't know how much money you've given her but she definitely knows there's more where that came from.

You will not get marriage and a family life with her.

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5 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

This doesn't address the point of my response, which is why do you prefer online interactions over actually spending time with a woman physically in person?  And why do you fall for sob stories from online scammers to the point where you're sending her heaps of money?

She never actually would have sent you any money.  First of all, she just said that to make herself seem legit. And secondly, if she's struggling so badly where would she get the money to buy you a car and a phone?  Didn't she claim to be on "government assistance"?

Don't you want to hug, kiss, hold hands with and cuddle a real, live woman?  Or do electronic interactions do enough for you?

She sent me money in the past. She lives off of government assistance and off the generosity of charity and her family. 
 

She told me she could have engaged in soliciting sex but it’s against her morals and she wouldn’t want to loose her kids. She feels because of everything she told me, I will use that as a tool to have her kids taken away. 

Over the course of 2 years she saved her income tax money and whatever left over in assistance she got. That’s how she wanted to get me all these things at first. 
 

I want to be loved and build a future with someone who is worthy of it. I haven’t had much luck in the past. 

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6 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I'm glad  you are seeking professional help.  Watch the feet- what the person does -not the lips- what the person says.  And mostly in person not an online stranger typing words.

Don’t they say actions speak louder than words, or something to that effect 

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2 minutes ago, gdemetrios said:

I want to be loved and build a future with someone who is worthy of it. I haven’t had much luck in the past.

Luck is a very small part of it.  I suggest professional counseling so that you can become the right person to find the right person.  You say you want all this.  Your actions are in the complete other direction right now. You can make different choices.  Likely with professional help.

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Just now, gdemetrios said:

Over the course of 2 years she saved her income tax money and whatever left over in assistance she got.

So why are you paying her bills?  If she has all this money she shouldn't need yours.

1 minute ago, gdemetrios said:

She lives off of government assistance and off the generosity of charity and her family. 

Euphemism for "other men I'm scamming".

1 minute ago, gdemetrios said:

I want to be loved and build a future with someone who is worthy of it. I haven’t had much luck in the past. 

If that's the case, why involve yourself with an online scammer?

You quickly lose interest in women you meet in person for one reason or another, but this scammer who's got nothing BUT red flags waving like crazy is worthy of your love and a new house?

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1 minute ago, gdemetrios said:

Don’t they say actions speak louder than words, or something to that effect 

I say watch what the person does -in person -not what a stranger types to you online. Yes -all strangers despite feeling a "connection" - you know your pairs of socks far better than these online strangers.  

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4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

All this for a scammer you've never met.

Of course she's going to be nice to you.  I don't know how much money you've given her but she definitely knows there's more where that came from.

You will not get marriage and a family life with her.

Looking at this, she isn’t worthy enough of marriage and a family life. She will be stuck in the same position she is in. Guys will use her for sex, she will get knocked up. 2 kids will be 3 then 4. Her problems and her life mean nothing to me at this point

She can be nice to me all she wants, wanting someone to talk to. In the end, I can click hang up on the phone, burn my number and call it a day. She messed up her own life. Let her enjoy her own misery 

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2 minutes ago, gdemetrios said:

Looking at this, she isn’t worthy enough of marriage and a family life. She will be stuck in the same position she is in. Guys will use her for sex, she will get knocked up. 2 kids will be 3 then 4. Her problems and her life mean nothing to me at this point

She can be nice to me all she wants, wanting someone to talk to. In the end, I can click hang up on the phone, burn my number and call it a day. She messed up her own life. Let her enjoy her own misery 

That's not necessary to attack this stranger in this manner.  Far better to use your energy to evaluate your mistakes and plan for what you will do differently in the future.  Perhaps she will get professional help and make better choices, perhaps not.  But it goes down a path of negativity-particularly since a short time ago you wanted to buy this stranger a house.

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3 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

So why are you paying her bills?  If she has all this money she shouldn't need yours.

Euphemism for "other men I'm scamming".

If that's the case, why involve yourself with an online scammer?

You quickly lose interest in women you meet in person for one reason or another, but this scammer who's got nothing BUT red flags waving like crazy is worthy of your love and a new house?

The money she had she would spend on me, her kids, her bills, giving to charity, and herself. The money she saved up drained so quickly and all she could do is cry. The gifts she got me, I threw them out. 
 

She promised me something in return, that was marriage and a family. 
 

Im a fool it seems 

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1 minute ago, gdemetrios said:

The money she had she would spend on me, her kids, her bills, giving to charity, and herself. The money she saved up drained so quickly and all she could do is cry. The gifts she got me, I threw them out. 
 

She promised me something in return, that was marriage and a family. 
 

Im a fool it seems 

You wanted to believe for some reason.  Finding out that reason is key, otherwise you'll do this again.

The money you gave her is lost, so no need to be upset about that.  

What is important is looking deep inside yourself to find out why you believe you need to pay someone to love you.  Because you actually don't need to.

I've been in a few relationships.  Not once did I have to give anyone money to love me. And I'm no beauty queen.

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2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

That's not necessary to attack this stranger in this manner.  Far better to use your energy to evaluate your mistakes and plan for what you will do differently in the future.  Perhaps she will get professional help and make better choices, perhaps not.  But it goes down a path of negativity-particularly since a short time ago you wanted to buy this stranger a house.

She would tell me on and off she needs help and so do I… but then she doesn’t need help

On video chats, she would cry to her kids mommy can’t support you and take care of you. Mommy is sick and needs help. Or Mommy wants to go home to heaven, she has to leave you behind. 
 

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1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

You wanted to believe for some reason.  Finding out that reason is key, otherwise you'll do this again.

The money you gave her is lost, so no need to be upset about that.  

What is important is looking deep inside yourself to find out why you believe you need to pay someone to love you.  Because you actually don't need to.

I've been in a few relationships.  Not once did I have to give anyone money to love me. And I'm no beauty queen.

I’m not happy with my life

I am a single guy who lives in a 2br apartment and works in a union job which pays well. 
 

Im going to be 40 in two years. I don’t have a wife and a family. Living in almost complete isolation has done damage to me. Im afraid of the world because I just think it’s dangerous and dark. Im tired of having hide and fight. And repeat it again. Before she came into the picture, I would cry at nights to sleep, asking myself what went wrong. Is something wrong with me? 

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6 minutes ago, gdemetrios said:

I’m not happy with my life

I am a single guy who lives in a 2br apartment and works in a union job which pays well. 
 

Im going to be 40 in two years. I don’t have a wife and a family. Living in almost complete isolation has done damage to me. Im afraid of the world because I just think it’s dangerous and dark. Im tired of having hide and fight. And repeat it again. Before she came into the picture, I would cry at nights to sleep, asking myself what went wrong. Is something wrong with me? 

Professional counseling can help.  I started dating my future husband a few days before I turned 39.  We married and became parents when we were 42.  First marriage for both and neither of us ever had an online interaction with a stranger where we gave money to the person and called it "dating" or a "relationship."  The only online strangers I've ever given money to is through reputable charities - meaning there are times when someone I don't know well in person will ask for donations to a reputable charity.  I give to the charity.  Not the person. 

 I lived on my own for 15 years in a one bedroom apartment and loved it despite wanting marriage and family more than anything.  I did the work and put in the effort to have a fun, fulfilling life -friends, activities, volunteer work, social events, my career.  You are getting in your own way based on the choices you make -you are not a victim in that sense -you choose to get involved in situations that are way more risk than any possible benefit.  Professional counseling can help.

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29 minutes ago, gdemetrios said:

I’m not happy with my life

I am a single guy who lives in a 2br apartment and works in a union job which pays well. 
 

Im going to be 40 in two years. I don’t have a wife and a family. Living in almost complete isolation has done damage to me. Im afraid of the world because I just think it’s dangerous and dark. Im tired of having hide and fight. And repeat it again. Before she came into the picture, I would cry at nights to sleep, asking myself what went wrong. Is something wrong with me? 

Giving money to online scammers and making plans that can never happen isn't going to help your situation.

A better, more realistic plan is to look to professional help and take steps to end your isolation.  One step at a time.  Choose to go to some kind of event like an art fair, a music event, a food truck event, even a farmers market.  Have a pleasant look on your face and smile in a friendly manner at people.  Say hello if you like.  Don't go there looking for dates right away.  Just get used to being out.

I'm sure a professional can give you more and better suggestions to end your isolation and feelings of depression and hopelessness.

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1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

Giving money to online scammers and making plans that can never happen isn't going to help your situation.

A better, more realistic plan is to look to professional help and take steps to end your isolation.  One step at a time.  Choose to go to some kind of event like an art fair, a music event, a food truck event, even a farmers market.  Have a pleasant look on your face and smile in a friendly manner at people.  Say hello if you like.  Don't go there looking for dates right away.  Just get used to being out.

I'm sure a professional can give you more and better suggestions to end your isolation and feelings of depression and hopelessness.

At times, I do go out to the museum, farmers markets, etc just to see what is going on. When I do go out, I have my AirPods on. I do smile and laugh at times. And at times assist people and say hello to them. 
 

In 2015, I forced myself to go to meetings of groups of mutual interest, went to gaming bars, met “new people”. The “new people” I met are long gone, of course. I always notice, there is something in me that tells me yes or no. If I hear a yes in my heart, I go along with it. If I hear a no…. I stop and go on. 
 

When me and her would spend time on video chat or on the phone, she knew I was isolated. I would say I’m resisting the world, the world wants to hurt me. She told me her sister thinks that way. She lives in a trailer alone and talks to demons. In my mind, I said to myself her sister needs help. 

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2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Professional counseling can help.  I started dating my future husband a few days before I turned 39.  We married and became parents when we were 42.  First marriage for both and neither of us ever had an online interaction with a stranger where we gave money to the person and called it "dating" or a "relationship."  The only online strangers I've ever given money to is through reputable charities - meaning there are times when someone I don't know well in person will ask for donations to a reputable charity.  I give to the charity.  Not the person. 

 I lived on my own for 15 years in a one bedroom apartment and loved it despite wanting marriage and family more than anything.  I did the work and put in the effort to have a fun, fulfilling life -friends, activities, volunteer work, social events, my career.  You are getting in your own way based on the choices you make -you are not a victim in that sense -you choose to get involved in situations that are way more risk than any possible benefit.  Professional counseling can help.

I always have these dreams that my life is over. I’m stuck in this apartment and in this job for the rest of my life. I shouldn’t hope for anything better and be grateful for what I have. 

Family friends would tell me, some things are meant for people. Maybe you are meant to alone for a reason. Maybe you aren’t meant to have friends, to be out there. Those people I immediately cut off from my life. Such negative thinking I don’t dare tolerate for one moment. But the conversations play in my mind. I ask myself what did I do to deserve to be so alone. I am a nice, gentle guy who has been there for so many people. 

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55 minutes ago, gdemetrios said:

When I do go out, I have my AirPods on.

Next time, leave the air pods at home.

55 minutes ago, gdemetrios said:

In 2015, I forced myself to go to meetings of groups of mutual interest

That was seven years ago.  I get that going out was extremely restricted in 2020 and early 2021, but what about now?

57 minutes ago, gdemetrios said:

She lives in a trailer alone

I said to myself her sister needs help. 

You're not hearing demons, but I agree that you may need help just like her sister.

I suffered from severe Covid related anxiety that prevented me from leaving my home.  I sought professional help.  Today I am much better.  I highly recommend you look into this.

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1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

Next time, leave the air pods at home.

That was seven years ago.  I get that going out was extremely restricted in 2020 and early 2021, but what about now?

You're not hearing demons, but I agree that you may need help just like her sister.

I suffered from severe Covid related anxiety that prevented me from leaving my home.  I sought professional help.  Today I am much better.  I highly recommend you look into this.

When the pandemic struck, I got into emergency mode. Got myself supplies, and went to work. I was an essential worker so I didn’t loose my job and reported to work as required. I continued life as I usually do, the difference was I went straight home after work, out of safety. 
 

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9 minutes ago, gdemetrios said:

When the pandemic struck, I got into emergency mode. Got myself supplies, and went to work. I was an essential worker so I didn’t loose my job and reported to work as required. I continued life as I usually do, the difference was I went straight home after work, out of safety. 
 

But none of that addresses the rest of what I wrote.

I said I get why you didn't roam around during the worst of the pandemic, but what about now?

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3 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

But none of that addresses the rest of what I wrote.

I said I get why you didn't roam around during the worst of the pandemic, but what about now?

On days off, I would roam when things started to cool down. I would go out, walk around, go to bookstores, Starbucks, Best Buy then go home. I would go to the gym as well, spend an hour and half there… if I needed a spotter for bench presses, I would ask someone to assist me. Once that was done, there assistance wasn’t needed kindly anymore. 
 

when she came into the picture, I would just bring her along. She would say I live a very isolated life, like in north korea

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18 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Next time, leave the air pods at home.

Yes, this!

AirPods is for me a sign like “Don’t bother me” / “I want to have my privacy” / “I am busy with something else”.

To some extend sunglasses can have the same effect. When I wear sunglasses (for obvious reasons when the sun is shining) and someone starts talking to me, I will take them off.

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11 minutes ago, gdemetrios said:

On days off, I would roam when things started to cool down. I would go out, walk around, go to bookstores, Starbucks, Best Buy then go home. I would go to the gym as well, spend an hour and half there… if I needed a spotter for bench presses, I would ask someone to assist me. Once that was done, there assistance wasn’t needed kindly anymore. 
 

when she came into the picture, I would just bring her along. She would say I live a very isolated life, like in north korea

All solo activities.  Browsing at a bookstore and at Best Buy is not exactly a way to meet people or have conversations.

You "brought her along"?  As in, you carried your phone around and talked to her while you went places?  No wonder no one talked to you lol.  Being on your phone is worse than hiding behind your AirPods.

It doesn't make sense to complain about being lonely and isolated and gloomily predict that you'll never find anyone when you're literally doing everything you can to make sure you never do.

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4 hours ago, gdemetrios said:

I am a single guy who lives in a 2br apartment and works in a union job which pays well. Im going to be 40 in two years. I don’t have a wife and a family. Living in almost complete isolation has done damage to me.

Start slow with interactions. Take some courses and classes. Volunteer. Get a dog and walk in t in the local dog park. Get a side hustle. Just get out there where you by the nature of it, see people regularly that you interact with.

You'll do fine on quality dating apps. You just have to not act depressive or pitiful. Simply highlight the pluses. Good job, nice place, etc. 

The isolation is no good so you'll have to force yourself to commit to stuff you attend like volunteering and taking classes. Whatever. Language, cooking,  ballroom dancing, etc..

Walking around fairs and stores is fine but it does not require participation. Participation is what you need to sort of force yourself to see people regularly and make friends.

 Going home jumping online and talking to weirdos increases your isolation even though it alleviates boredom and seems to be interacting.

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5 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

All solo activities.  Browsing at a bookstore and at Best Buy is not exactly a way to meet people or have conversations.

You "brought her along"?  As in, you carried your phone around and talked to her while you went places?  No wonder no one talked to you lol.  Being on your phone is worse than hiding behind your AirPods.

It doesn't make sense to complain about being lonely and isolated and gloomily predict that you'll never find anyone when you're literally doing everything you can to make sure you never do.

She would FaceTime me while I walked around, and she did things around her trailer and would show me. She would give me tips on what do when I wash clothes in a laundry. And the concept of a water bill. 
 

And anxiety… this anxious fear I have of meeting people

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4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Start slow with interactions. Take some courses and classes. Volunteer. Get a dog and walk in t in the local dog park. Get a side hustle. Just get out there where you by the nature of it, see people regularly that you interact with.

You'll do fine on quality dating apps. You just have to not act depressive or pitiful. Simply highlight the pluses. Good job, nice place, etc. 

The isolation is no good so you'll have to force yourself to commit to stuff you attend like volunteering and taking classes. Whatever. Language, cooking,  ballroom dancing, etc..

Walking around fairs and stores is fine but it does not require participation. Participation is what you need to sort of force yourself to see people regularly and make friends.

 Going home jumping online and talking to weirdos increases your isolation even though it alleviates boredom and seems to be interacting.

I work at nights and my given days off don’t give me much choice on what do for leisure time when I’m off. I thought about taking classes to learn how to code but I have a 5 year old Mac, and not the money to dish out for such classes at this point. When it comes to classes, I want to learn something new which could help me professionally and personally

After this situation, I might say goodbye to dating apps for good. Many profiles have photos which are just too good to be true, meaning they are fake

I learned many lessons too. One of them is no single moms ever again… avoid them like the plague. They suck at you like a leech and go onto the next person. It’s not fair for me to take care of another man’s kids… unless she’s a widow

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