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Finally doing the thing


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So, I finally mustered enough courage to do the talking and break up, after weeks of thinking about it.

As I really don't know hiw he will react, I'd like if you could give me advice on where and when to actually do it. He will never become aggressive, but I think he may be hurt and emotional. So I  thought maybe to do it before his driving class, as he's going there with his friend and he will have someone to be there for him. 

Also, should I do it in a cafe or outside somewhere, as his and mine places are not an options? Keep it short or go into explaining? 

 

(this is my first boyfriend and breakup so I really don't know what to do, hope you can help me) 

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No explaining. You care for him a lot but you’re not feeling it anymore and you’re ending it. 
 

Everyone thinks they want explanations but when they get them then they have a stick to beat themselves up with and something about you they might be able to change, I’m not feeling it any more can’t be argued with. 

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I suggest you do not do this right before his driving class - this will not be good on him at that time 😕 . Find a better time to do this eg. after school etc.  When you two can actually just focus on the moment- no distractions.

Maybe write it down what you want to say so you've got it straight and yeah, don't go on & on.  Some will drill you to the hilt about everything.. You only need to explain to a degree.

Get to the point, say your thing and then be done.  Give him space to work on accepting this and no, don't expect him to agree on being your 'friend' still, after this....

 

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11 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

I suggest you do not do this right before his driving class - this will not be good on him at that time 😕 . Find a better time to do this eg. after school etc.  When you two can actually just focus on the moment- no distractions.

I agree. Doing this right before he's supposed to attend a lesson is not a great idea. 

Sit him down and explain that you don't see a future together anymore, and are ending the relationship. Don't over-explain or go into justification mode. Be kind but firm. 

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2 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

I suggest you do not do this right before his driving class - this will not be good on him at that time 😕 . Find a better time to do this eg. after school etc.  When you two can actually just focus on the moment- no distractions.

 

2 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

I agree. Doing this right before he's supposed to attend a lesson is not a great idea. 

Sit him down and explain that you don't see a future together anymore, and are ending the relationship. Don't over-explain or go into justification mode. Be kind but firm. 

I guess you two have a point, that's not the best time to talk, I'll think more about it. 

Really appreciate your advices! 

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Keep it kind, diplomatic and simple. His world won't end over a breakup when you were dating only a couple of months.

Keep your anxiety and depression out of it.

Simply tell him it's not working out. 

Is this the same man?:

 

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7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Keep it kind, diplomatic and simple. His world won't end over a breakup when you were dating only a couple of months.

Keep your anxiety and depression out of it.

Simply tell him it's not working out. 

Is this the same man?:

 

Yes, it's the same person 

Thank you, I'll have your advice in my mind and just try to keep it as simple as possible. 

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Have you broken up with him yet? Choose a public place and keep it short. Make other plans or excuse yourself after an hour. Have your friend meet with you afterwards if you would like company.

Don’t do it before a driving lesson. Later in the day or on a day off is better. 

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1 hour ago, Rose Mosse said:

Have you broken up with him yet? Choose a public place and keep it short. Make other plans or excuse yourself after an hour. Have your friend meet with you afterwards if you would like company.

Don’t do it before a driving lesson. Later in the day or on a day off is better.

Still haven't, I'm going to talk to him tomorrow after his driving lesson. 

I'll take your advice and hope it goes well. 

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You might need to write this down on a piece of paper and hand it to him. 
 

Still in person. Explain that some things are so scary and awkward to say the words dry up in your mouth before they can come out and you care for him deeply but the love feeling has gone and you have to end it. (You can put all that in the note too if you don’t think you’ll be able to speak it). 
 

Sometimes doing the right thing requires the most courage.

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42 minutes ago, 1a1a said:

You might need to write this down on a piece of paper and hand it to him. 
 

Still in person. Explain that some things are so scary and awkward to say the words dry up in your mouth before they can come out and you care for him deeply but the love feeling has gone and you have to end it. (You can put all that in the note too if you don’t think you’ll be able to speak it). 
 

Sometimes doing the right thing requires the most courage.

This may be the way that would actually work, as I tried to start the conversation few times, but the words just wouldn't leave my mouth, not a single one. 

I'll write everything on paper, because after today I really doubt I'll be able to speak. 

Thank you so, so much! 💙

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2 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

Milica, how are you doing? 

Thanks for asking, but I'm not sure myself, I know that breaking up was the only right thing to do but I'm crying most of the time and I don't even know why, every little memory, and lots of them keep just popping up in my head, triggers tears, I even have have him in my dreams which never happened while we were together. 

So yea, that's about it, I was expecting that the day I break up will be the hardest, as it turns out, that's not the case. 

Even reading your question just now made me cry again. I really don't know how to get over this. 

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5 hours ago, Milica32 said:

Thanks for asking, but I'm not sure myself, I know that breaking up was the only right thing to do but I'm crying most of the time and I don't even know why, every little memory, and lots of them keep just popping up in my head, triggers tears, I even have have him in my dreams which never happened while we were together. 

So yea, that's about it, I was expecting that the day I break up will be the hardest, as it turns out, that's not the case. 

Even reading your question just now made me cry again. I really don't know how to get over this. 

I’m sorry- didn’t mean to make you cry. I think those feelings are more common than one might expect. It’s sad when a relationship ends regardless. Feeling responsible for ending something that once brought you joy can be sad. Acknowledge the good parts of the relationship too and let go.

Sometimes people bottle it up and others are better at having it out. It’s important not to keep it in. Give yourself moments to cry and be sad, and pick yourself up when you need to to do the things you have to do. 

The dreams are common too and there are threads of people commenting about their dreams of exes also. You can search them on the site and have a read through. I think it’s part of letting go. 

Edited by Rose Mosse
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5 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

I’m sorry- didn’t mean to make you cry. I think those feelings are more common than one might expect. It’s sad when a relationship ends regardless. Feeling responsible for ending something that once brought you joy can be sad. Acknowledge the good parts of the relationship too and let go.

Sometimes people bottle it up and others are better at having it out. It’s important not to keep it in. Give yourself moments to cry and be sad, and pick yourself up when you need to to do the things you have to do. 

The dreams are common too and there are threads of people commenting about their dreams of exes also. You can search them on the site and have a read through. I think it’s part of letting go. 

It's okay, it's not your fault at all. 

I'm slowly becoming aware that time is needed to process everything and I'll just give myself all the time I need. 

Also, I can't thank you enough for your kind words and encouragement, you can't even guess how much they mean to me. ❤️

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