Guy is too sexual on text messages but on person doesn't even touch me. Am i overreacting?

[Savannah13_12]

Hi! I would like to hear your opinions about this situation. Right now, is so confusing.

I started talking with a British guy 3 months ago on Instagram. We were texting everyday. He was so into me and i know that is just texting but we met on person and he seemed to like me a loooot, we kissed a lot of times and it was an amazing date.

After that, we continued texting and he started talking to me in a sexual way. We sexted some times and we made plans again to see each other. We planned a holiday together and i was ready to sleep with him but during that weekend, he was not really paying attention to me. He was not the same that in text messages and we just had sex once but he came like in 30 seconds.

And after that, he was so so quiet during the trip. He is already quiet in person and he is shy but i felt so awkward because of that.

He did not try to sleep with me after that, not even kiss me and i am so confused because he literally told me on texts a day before the trip that he could not wait to kiss or touch me and on person I felt that he didn't want me there.

On Saturday we walked a lot, like 15 km so maybe he was tired but i also feel super rejected.

[Rose Mosse]

It's hard to know what he's thinking or whether he was just caught up with the hype of sexting and then disappointed with himself because he didn't last long. He may be on/off with an ex, talking with other women or realizing he wasn't attracted to you. Maybe he suddenly thought of all the things he said he was going to do and in the end got nervous and couldn't go through with it. 

I don't know why you're dating men who sext you like this from the get-go. There are usually some mental or emotional issues when people put the cart before the horse like this or attempt to create fictional ideas or fantasies about sex via text (not in real life) and without enough emotional intimacy or time spent in person.

If you're planning on sleeping with a guy from Instagram after just one date you're going to have to leave a lot of room for error and misunderstandings. Anything can go wrong because you barely know one another. 

[Savannah13_12]

2 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

It's hard to know what he's thinking or whether he was just caught up with the hype of sexting and then disappointed with himself because he didn't last long. He may be on/off with an ex, talking with other women or realizing he wasn't attracted to you. Maybe he suddenly thought of all the things he said he was going to do and in the end got nervous and couldn't go through with it. 

I don't know why you're dating men who sext you like this from the get-go. There are usually some mental or emotional issues when people put the cart before the horse like this or attempt to create fictional ideas or fantasies about sex via text (not in real life) and without enough emotional intimacy or time spent in person.

If you're planning on sleeping with a guy from Instagram after just one date you're going to have to leave a lot of room for error and misunderstandings. Anything can go wrong because you barely know one another. 

Yeah, i know it was a mistake for me to sext with him before actual sex but he lives around 3 hours away from me. We talk everyday so i think that created a fake feeling of intimacy and then we planed this 3 days holiday and i was ready to have sex with him because for some stupid reason i felt comfortable enough to do it.

[smackie9]

He's embarrassed. So you can give him some encouragement, and slow things down next time and see. On step at a time. Now if he keeps this up, he's a dud, kick him to the curb...onto the next.

[DancingFool]

18 minutes ago, Savannah13_12 said:

Yeah, i know it was a mistake for me to sext with him before actual sex but he lives around 3 hours away from me. We talk everyday so i think that created a fake feeling of intimacy and then we planed this 3 days holiday and i was ready to have sex with him because for some stupid reason i felt comfortable enough to do it.

Chalk this up to a lesson learned that no matter how someone seems online, they are likely to be quite different in real life. While he seemed all flirtatious and forward online, in reality he is more quiet, shy, and probably not that experienced. The persona online doesn't match who he is in real life. It doesn't make him a bad person, just not who you imagined him to be and not how he comes across online.

So next time, avoid chatting online so much that you feel like you have this intimacy and connection when in reality, you really don't know what the person is like. Remember that relationships only happen in real life, face to face. So seek to meet sooner rather than later. Make those meet ups and dates more light, short, and easy and see if you are actually clicking in real life or not.

Oh and please don't take this so personally as a rejection of yourself. His issues, like probably feeling embarrassed that he got over excited and didn't "perform", and who knows what else is going through his head - none of that is about you or anything to do with you. It honestly sounds like despite all the talk, he lacks real life experience and got shy/embarrassed about it.

[Rose Mosse]

1 hour ago, Savannah13_12 said:

Yeah, i know it was a mistake for me to sext with him before actual sex but he lives around 3 hours away from me. We talk everyday so i think that created a fake feeling of intimacy and then we planed this 3 days holiday and i was ready to have sex with him because for some stupid reason i felt comfortable enough to do it.

Screen out the long distance options as they're not really options. You hit the nail on the head about false intimacy. It's also dangerous to go on an extended holiday with someone you don't know. Him not exactly living up to his sexting or affectionate texts is the least of the worst outcomes that could have happened. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Savannah13_12 said:

during that weekend, he was not really paying attention to me. He was not the same that in text messages and we just had sex once but he came like in 30 seconds.

Lots of red flags.🚩🚩 Sexting. You realize that that can go viral in a nanosecond, sold on Pornhub as well as used as revenge porn so stop it.

 Premature ejaculation and ignoring you. You're incompatible and he treated you lousy on the weekend.

Why did you simply not continue dating and/or visit each other's homes if you were ready for sex?

Are either of you in other relationships/married/living with someone? What's up with a 3 hour distance? 

Second dates should not be hotel trysts.

Texting way too much before meeting is another red flag. In fact he was probably ignoring you because he was busy texting/sexting other women.

 Delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps.

 Next time, anyone who won't meet in a timely manner or on a regular basis, is someone you  need to shut down asap.

[Whoeveriam]

Online communication rarely mirrors in person conversation and action. In a way, it's play acting. People can be bold when hidden behind a screen and keyboard, and shy in person. 

His silence after your adventure may simply be a sign of embarrassment for the Quickdraw reaction he had... his excitement may have built to a peak erase of the sexting and anticipation, and he is embarrassed, and or very inexperienced. 

Described behavior in written form doesn't mean he has real world experience that matches. He may simply watch porn or read.Online communication rarely mirrors in person conversation and action. In a way, it's play acting. People can be bold when hidden behind a screen and keyboard, and shy in person. 

His silence after your adventure may simply be a sign of embarrassment for the Quickdraw reaction he had... his excitement may have built to a peak erase of the sexting and anticipation, and he is embarrassed, and or very inexperienced. 

Described behavior in written form doesn't mean he has real world experience that matches. He may simply watch porn or read.

 

 

[Lambert]

it's dangerous to get so hot and heavy early on.  But it also tends to ruin things, especially if you're looking for a more meaningfull relationship.

That's not to say things can't work out. it's just rare. Once he got embarrassed like that, it probably was just easier to try to forget it and meet someone else.  Our egos are just that fragile. And we always want our mate to think we are the best.  Some guys have a hero complex. they gotta be 'the man' 🙂

if you're really interested you could reach out but don't mention it.  Don't be overly sexual but light and funny. 

But the other side of it is and only you can decide... is he a bit of a jerk for treating you this way? being fake like -- he was all experienced and sexualizing you, but then when he couldn't deliver, he made you feel like it was your fault.  Which it clearly was not.  I just think you deserve someone a little more mature that can handle these things. 

I look back on some of my own more embarrassing experiences with dating. at the time I might have blamed myself but really? the guy was a bit of a wanker.  🙂