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Good first date/ early on questions?


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Guest Anonymous

What are some good questions to ask on a first date/early getting to know someone new? 

I'm 26 and I'm trying to get good at weeding out the wrong people early on.

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Guest Anonymous
1 hour ago, Guest Anonymous said:

'm 26 and I'm trying to get good at weeding out the wrong people early on.

Have you dated "the wrong people" too much in the past?

Deal breakers and red flags are very individual.

Decide what yours are. 

Generally: Involved with an ex. Too much distance. Drugs drinking etc.

However you'll have to screen better so the first meeting is not an inquisition. 

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1 hour ago, Guest Anonymous said:

What are some good questions to ask on a first date/early getting to know someone new? 

I'm 26 and I'm trying to get good at weeding out the wrong people early on.

I would not do any interview.  Do a lot of listening and observing -how does she treat strangers, (or he) -the wait staff, or people you interact with -maybe if you're at a theater or a museum.  See what the person asks about you, notice eye contact, body language.  Does the person hold the door for a stranger? Ask open ended questions about lighthearted topics - because that often segues into deeper ones if there is a connection.  I once knew someone was not for me when I told him I liked Sex and The City (early 2000s) and his next sentence was about an oral sex scene he'd enjoyed.  No - no -no - I mean yes it's a show about sex, and yes there are many things to say about it that are not graphic descriptions of oral sex.  I didn't meet him. 

Ask about travel because that often triggers convos about family vacations.  See if he/she has a good relationship with family and friends - also will tell you if the person is adventurous, spontaneous, interested in other cultures, diversity. 

My future husband on our very first date in 1995 was very forthright.  He asked me why I chose the career we both worked in.  I had an unusual story about it because I'd decided when I was 15.  I asked him why he asked me that later on -he said "I want to be with someone who is passionate about her career."  And -interestingly -he also wanted someone who wanted to be a stay at home mom for longer than maternity leave.  I also wanted both.  But yes -first lunch date.  First question.  

In the first few dates if you are looking for something potentially long term see if you get a sense of the person's general life goals.  

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I dunno, first dates are suppose to be fun and finding a common ground. Telling maybe a few interesting stories about yourself. Or something funny in general. Its not an interview. But if you need to ask, I would avoid heavy questions. For example why are they single. Its a tricky one and very heavy topic for first dates. Generally you should always ask something that would spark conversation. That could maybe be their line of work, maybe some hobby they have etc. Even stuff like what would they describe themselves? It would make them talk about themselves and make you see what kind of the person they are. Or even trying to find some common ground to keep conversation going smoother. You wouldnt generally see some huge red flags early on. People are on their best behavior usually. But yes, for example exes talk, treating you or even staff at the place you are having a date bad, even something you notice while they talk about themselves can maybe be indication of "red flags". 

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4 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

What are some good questions to ask on a first date/early getting to know someone new? 

I'm 26 and I'm trying to get good at weeding out the wrong people early on.

What is important to you? Family? Dating another local? Someone you can respect or who has the same values? You’ll have to understand what’s important to you and then you’ll know what you need or are looking for in return. 

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Guest Anonymous
7 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

Have you dated "the wrong people" too much in the past?

Deal breakers and red flags are very individual.

Decide what yours are. 

Generally: Involved with an ex. Too much distance. Drugs drinking etc.

However you'll have to screen better so the first meeting is not an inquisition. 

Yes I have dated 'wrong" people. But not in a standard way? They've all been nice enough. Just always either not over their ex or deciding later they aren't up for anything serious. 

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9 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

Yes I have dated 'wrong" people. But not in a standard way? They've all been nice enough. Just always either not over their ex or deciding later they aren't up for anything serious. 

maybe take a break from dating.  There are no questions that can weed this out. people do lie or present their best foot forward in the beginning.

Dating in hopes of getting into a long term relationship is a risk. You may want a long term relationship but you can't know how it'll be no matter what you ask or say to begin with...

Healthy, happy relationships take time. knowing yourself and what is acceptable is helpful. Go with the intent to have fun and enjoy their company. there are no short cuts but you can take the driver seat so to speak and decide to go forward or not. 

Edited by Lambert
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