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So, I keep harming myself for what my ex did and left me with, bruises scars memories of horrid times etc, but for some reason I'm punishing myself for his actions, 50 part of me says its not ur fault but the other 50 says it is your fault, so I cannot decide and I feel alone in my head waiting for me to stop but I'm gonna reach out for support. 

I've felt really low since he raped me, yes I know I should of got help but he took away everything, any mobile device I had to contact anyone etc so I had no one to reach out to. He'd also threaten me if I told anyone what was happening I'd be dead, but that's when I started self harming which really made me plumit down because self harm is a pain relief well for me it is but the pain still comes back which sucks but right now I'm working with police to move on from this man!! I'm feeling so much stronger since I left him and moved away so he can't find me etc and now I'm working with police for my safety!!

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I’m so sorry. My heart goes out to you. I know exactly how you feel with self blame. I too was raped this past summer and there’s moments still eight months later even after intense therapy I still blame myself. 
 

May I suggest trauma therapy? I promise it works and it helps a ton! It won’t take the pain completely away but it will help you manage it so you don’t keep harming yourself.

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You definitely need to see a doctor immediately so you can get help. A doctor can refer you to a psychiatrist for diagnosis and strong supportive medical help.

Your situation is much too serious for hotlines to be of much assistance other than providing a referral to a doctor.

If you had a heart attack would you call a hotline? If not, you need to treat your mental health with the same sense of urgency you'd treat a heart attack.

Please contact a doctor right away to get help.

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Seconding get a mental health care professional on your team. But also, be a lot more forgiving of yourself. You did what you needed to to survive and that’s not to be ashamed of (by which I mean not just conscious choices of actions but also instinctual in the thick of danger). And you made it, and he’s your ex now! 
 

You might find this video helpful for understanding your own actions 

 

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17 hours ago, boltnrun said:

You definitely need to see a doctor immediately so you can get help. A doctor can refer you to a psychiatrist for diagnosis and strong supportive medical help.

Your situation is much too serious for hotlines to be of much assistance other than providing a referral to a doctor.

If you had a heart attack would you call a hotline? If not, you need to treat your mental health with the same sense of urgency you'd treat a heart attack.

Please contact a doctor right away to get help.

Thank you!

 

19 hours ago, limichelle said:

I’m so sorry. My heart goes out to you. I know exactly how you feel with self blame. I too was raped this past summer and there’s moments still eight months later even after intense therapy I still blame myself. 
 

May I suggest trauma therapy? I promise it works and it helps a ton! It won’t take the pain completely away but it will help you manage it so you don’t keep harming yourself.

Yes, I'm on the waiting list! Thank you!

 

17 hours ago, 1a1a said:

Seconding get a mental health care professional on your team. But also, be a lot more forgiving of yourself. You did what you needed to to survive and that’s not to be ashamed of (by which I mean not just conscious choices of actions but also instinctual in the thick of danger). And you made it, and he’s your ex now! 
 

You might find this video helpful for understanding your own actions 

 

I'll take a look, thanks again!

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