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Partner trying to change me, but are they right to?


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So my girlfriend is obsessed with travel, for real. She took five out of state trips and one trip to Egypt last year alone! I didn't go with her on any of them. She's always hassling me to travel with her. I've never left my state, although most of my friends give me flack for that as well. This week she mentioned a road trip she wants to take this summer that includes 32 hours of drive time! Asked if I was interest, said no. NOW she mentions a cruise that's 1,000$ per person! I said no and she says, "Fine, I won't bother asking anymore." I apologized and she hits me with "it's whatever". Excuse me?? That's no way to respond to an apology. 

It just bums me out because it makes me feel like I'm not good enough. It seems like she's taking all the things that make me great (her kid adores me, I take care of myself, I make her laugh all the time, and I'm laid back/she's never even seen me angry) and throws it aside all because I'm not into "tRaveLIng". It's a cold, cruel world out there (especially in the US without outrageous healthcare system) that will eat you up and spit you out, having a nest egg/savings is one of the few protections you can have and traveling will erode that. It's not that I'm not interested in the world, I speak a second language, I've donated to the Ukrainian Red Cross, I watch anime, I just have zero interest in "seeing the world". 

This isn't the first time it's been an issue in a relationship. And another thing that upsets me is I've made zero demands on her, I don't think it's right to. Idk, am I tripping y'all? Am I the *** here?  

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Editing because I see I totally had you confused with someone else.

No one has the right to demand anyone "change", but you can determine you two are incompatible.  Either one of you can.

You're the one who tried to have the relationship with the stripper.  I knew your user name was familiar.

This relationship is all kinds of toxic.  I don't know why you two keep trying to force it to work.

 

Edited by boltnrun
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Posted (edited)
4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

This is the girlfriend who's considerably younger than you and who has been posting pics with other men on social media?  Or do I have you confused with someone else?

No one has the right to demand anyone "change", but you can determine you two are incompatible.  Either one of you can.

Do you fund her travels?  Or does she pay for her trips out of her own money?  Also, how does she earn a living?  I think you said you pay for all household costs including rent.  Does she have her own personal funds?  Does she contribute in any way to any costs?  Who financially supports her child?  And does she bring her child with her on her travels?  If not, who cares for the child while she's traveling?

Yeah, you have me confused with someone else. I was the fellow that was going to the strip club all the time.

I don't fund her travels, she pays with her own money. She's a nurse, so she makes the big bucks and also fully financially supports her child. She brings her probably 70% of the time. Her parents watch her while she's away.

Edited by Krombopulos
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Xa, I remember you, stripper simp that wants to be pegged. What happened to her? Are you still simping and waste money on her? 

OK, you dont like to travel. She does. It seems like a big bridge to gap there. Also, its not really out of the ordinary for her to actually want you to go with her. It kinda shows a lot that you wont even make that step with her. 

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2 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Xa, I remember you, stripper simp that wants to be pegged. What happened to her? Are you still simping and waste money on her? 

OK, you dont like to travel. She does. It seems like a big bridge to gap there. Also, its not really out of the ordinary for her to actually want you to go with her. It kinda shows a lot that you wont even make that step with her. 

No, I haven't been to the club/spent money on her since early December, it's been a while. Still think about the club a lot though.

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32 minutes ago, Krombopulos said:

Yeah, you have me confused with someone else. I was the fellow that was going to the strip club all the time.

I don't fund her travels, she pays with her own money. She's a nurse, so she makes the big bucks and also fully financially supports her child. She brings her probably 70% of the time. Her parents watch her while she's away.

Yeah, I edited my post when I saw I had you confused with someone else.

You said in other posts you want to break up with her but haven't.  And that you only stay in the relationship because you don't want to be "alone" and because you don't want to hurt her.  Well, how are you not "alone" when she's traveling so frequently?  And do you think you're not "hurting" her by being so incompatible?

Why don't you just set each other free?  She can find someone who truly wants to be with her who likes to travel.  And you can either be single or pursue someone who's a better fit.

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1 hour ago, Krombopulos said:

She took five out of state trips and one trip to Egypt last year alone! I didn't go with her on any of them.  Asked if I was interest, said no.

This isn't the first time it's been an issue in a relationship.

How long have you been dating? She seems well adapted to having fun/traveling without you, so an invitation should not upset you. 

It seems you're incompatible if this is just one issue of how to spend time/money.

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1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long have you been dating? She seems well adapted to having fun/traveling without you, so an invitation should not upset you. 

It seems you're incompatible if this is just one issue of how to spend time/money.

That's another thing! She doesn't have fun unless she's traveling. Anything taking place within 50 miles instantly sucks.

We've been together for two years. 

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3 hours ago, Krombopulos said:

That's another thing! She doesn't have fun unless she's traveling. Anything taking place within 50 miles instantly sucks.

We've been together for two years. 

I think you're judging and exaggerating her love of travel because you don't want to travel at all.  I have always enjoyed traveling but traveling with a young child (and now a tween) is rough on me -between doing all the packing, having to catch a flight on time with all our stuff, figuring out how to entertain our son especially if it's a business trip for my husband -it's not a vacation the way it was in the past. And I don't sleep well when we all share a hotel room

BUT my role as his partner, my role as a parent -is to make certain sacrifices- so I say YES so that my son can see the world, so we can be together as a family, and because it shows my husband my good will.  He does things for me that he doesn't prefer, too.  So I go wayyy out of my comfort zone and deal with the sleep deprivation and the tons of laundry and packing and prep - because it's not all about me.  Because I've been willing to do this my son has been to two foreign countries and multiple states here in the U.S.  I've taken him all over strange cities by myself on "adventures" even when I hadn't slept well. 

It's part of being in a relationship and I'll tell you I feel good about stretching my limits for myself too.  It's so easy especially with this pandemic to get stuck in a routine.  Rock your world some.    

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Travel is her passion (a very strong one) and you won't participate in her passion. Of course this will cause resentment. This is a part of who she is. Dude a relationship needs compatibility in order to survive. it's just a matter of time she will meet someone else during one of her trips, and it will be a big bubb-bye for you. So stop being a stick in the mud, and plan a trip with her...one that can be like a 4 hour drive, find a cheaper place to stay, do things for free like hiking, walking an easy trail, a festival, go to a winery......

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18 hours ago, Krombopulos said:

That's another thing! She doesn't have fun unless she's traveling. Anything taking place within 50 miles instantly sucks.

We've been together for two years. 

Are you stuck in a lease? Is it her place or your place? Start looking for a place to live. You're not compatible. A restless outgoing nomad and a couch-potato is a bad match.

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2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are you stuck in a lease? Is it her place or your place? Start looking for a place to live. You're not compatible. A restless outgoing nomad and a couch-potato is a bad match.

I have my own place, we're not living together. 

I'm not even a couch potato though! I work, I go to the gym four times a week, I go to town meetings, I'm very active. 

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10 minutes ago, Krombopulos said:

I have my own place, we're not living together. 

I'm not even a couch potato though! I work, I go to the gym four times a week

That's good news. Let her travel and you do whatever you wish. Trying to argue and force-fit two incompatible lifestyles never works out.

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20 hours ago, Krombopulos said:

No, I haven't been to the club/spent money on her since early December, it's been a while. Still think about the club a lot though.

But dont you think its kind of hypocritical saying she isnt fiscally responsible? While you have spent a bundle on strip club and some girl OnlyFans as I remember. 

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17 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

But dont you think its kind of hypocritical saying she isnt fiscally responsible? While you have spent a bundle on strip club and some girl OnlyFans as I remember. 

That's a good point.

She's spending money on travel and life-enriching experiences for her and her child.  You spent who knows how much money on private dances from a stripper who you were hoping to get into a relationship with (and who you admitted you would have easily dumped your girlfriend for if she'd says yes to a relationship with you).

Have you reread the threads I linked in my previous response?  You two are sorely incompatible.  You're already "alone", just end it already.

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You are both trying to change each other. She wants you to travel and you want her to be a stick in the mud. This is not the foundation for a loving relationship. 
 

Let her go find someone who wants adventure and you should find someone who loves to stay within a 20 minute radius.

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