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Two dates and a kiss but now nothing?


silver19
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Hi, this is my first post and I could really use some advice.

So I have been talking with this girl named Erica for the past 3 weeks or so. We met on Match.com and after exchanging some texts, we agree to meet.

the first date went great and we talked until closing and I mentioned that I'd love to meet her again.

She agrees and we set up another date a few days later. Again, things seem to be going great and she shows me photos of her work as an animal veterinarian. I pay for our meal and we head to her car. I ask if we could hold hands as I walk her (and her dog) back to her car. Before she goes, I ask for a kiss and she agrees.

I am riding high and go to bed happy. Then at 6AM, she sends me a text saying that she doesn't feel anything romantically and that she is too busy for a relationship. I don't understand the change of heart. She said it was "100% not" me and that she enjoys being single and doesn't want to put the time in for dating.

I liked her a lot and I did my best. I understand eventually finding that her feelings were not strong but why the sudden change after we kust shared a kiss? 

I am still a little heartbroken over it, please help.

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My guess is she felt obliged to hold your hand or kiss you but didn’t feel there was enough spark or chemistry to sustain whatever she is looking for on Match.com. I’m leaning towards not enough physical chemistry. 

 

Edited by Rose Mosse
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2 hours ago, silver19 said:

Then at 6AM, she sends me a text saying that she doesn't feel anything romantically and that she is too busy for a relationship. She said it was "100% not" me and that she enjoys being single and doesn't want to put the time in for dating.

Sorry this happened. In this case it is "100% not you". After 1 or 2 dates people are still talking to and meeting others.

Unfortunately it's just the way it goes. Some people are on/off or broke up with an with an ex a nanosecond ago and (ab)use dating apps for validation/attention.

Just keep moving forward and meeting other women. Nothing you did wrong. If she contacts you again great, if not no loss. But don't reach out.

Edited by Wiseman2
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2 hours ago, silver19 said:

She said it was "100% not" me

I am gona go against Wiseman and say its "100%" you. In a means that she doesnt feel strong about you. Because when they say "its not you, its me" that means its 100% your fault lol

Lots of times when we go out with somebody, one or both sides just doest "feel it". "It" as some all it "chemistry", other "passion" etc. So in this case she doesnt feel that from you even after the kiss. When she says that she doesnt feel anything romantically, that is what she means. And all that is OK, its something that happens. After all we cant be attracted to everybody. 

I know its hard. But just remember that you did good. Talked, called on date, even kissed. She just doest feel it. That is all part of the process and you will find somebody who will feel it. 

 

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Many people change their minds after meeting a second time. She's not feeling it.  She's trying to let you down easy.  You had unrealistic expectations because a first meet or date with a new person can be great and the next one not so great.  It's normal dating.  The only expectation after a first date is that the person will show up for a second one if it's planned time and place. She showed up.  She changed her mind about wanting to see you again.  She did nothing wrong.  The only thing you did wrong was reacting to your "cloud 9" feelings and choosing to get attached.  

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  • 3 months later...
On 3/5/2022 at 11:29 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately it's just the way it goes. Some people are on/off or broke up with an with an ex a nanosecond ago and (ab)use dating apps for validation/attention.

She may have been truthful about not wanting to put in the time for dating, it sounds like she has a lot on her plate right now.  Rather than stringing you along or continue with the difficult scheduling, she did the right thing and nipped it in the bud.

After 30 days on a dating site I sunsetted my profile because I realized I wasn't as ready to date as I thought.  I had met 3 men and although they were all quite nice, good looking, educated, etc. I couldn't muster any enthusiasm.

This led me to reflect on exactly where I was in my healing journey, which is not far enough!  I didn't abuse the app, I just overestimated my readiness (WM2's hilarious nanosecond explanation).  So I told the truth and bowed out as gracefully as I could.  I sure didn't want to hurt anyone.

silver19, you sound like a pretty nice, considerate person and I'm sure there will be plenty of nice ladies out there ready to date and appreciate you.  Good luck out there!

Edited by spinstermanquee
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I've held hands with and had a goodbye peck with someone I wasn't into, out of politeness.  He hadn't done anything wrong, but there was no chemistry and I didn't want the awkwardness (or possible bad reaction) from saying no to him.  Once I was home and safe, I was able to let him know I wasn't up for meeting again.  I imagine something similar was going on for you.

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They most likely didn't feel a connection when you kissed. I've dated someone, saw them a few times , liked how they were as a person and then when things got physical, I lost interest. It was awkward and just didn't feel natural.

I have also dated someone who I did not find attractive at first, got to know them and developed feelings that way and when things got physical, there was attraction.

Sometimes for some people, it comes down to the physical chemistry.

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