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hi im 19, Recently, my dad passed away around in June 2021 , and it has been different now lately my mom(adopted mom) has always been this way, she's rude, disrespectful, i do everything she asks she is so unappreciative, controlling,a hypocrite. i thought family is supposed to be there for you with whatever you choose to do in life and my brother (not blood siblings since adopted) is the same exact way. long story short , she makes everything about her, she doesn't care about my feelings what I think about things she says everything in the house is hers which technically isnt true my dad was the one that did everything and provided and she had to step in because he passed and she had no choice but to get a job. therefore she is mean and rude to me and acts like she's the only person that lost him and it's not fair I have tried countless times to talk to her but she doesn't wanna hear anything I have to say! I am always nice and kind to everyone even my brother but all I get in return is backstabbed, they talk about me behind my back, making it seem like its something wrong with me, and it's not. I know what they are doing they think they know everything about the world and its really hurtful to me because i am in college and that is a lot to handle right now and I only decided to try it because they both wanted me to , I did not have a say but went ahead anyway. I had my boyfriend over and I can explain this, let me remind you she does not let me talk to her i can have a full-on conversation with her and she just won't care and say something rude back then wonder why I can never tell her things. I invited him over the other day and all we did was sit outside and talk because honestly i feel lonely when he's not around and I talk to him about anything and then she comes home being fake to his face and we didn't even do it anything we just sat and talked. if she would have just been nice maybe i could of told her he wanted to stop by for a few but no. it may seem like im in the wrong im not, i asked her plenty of times can i have someone over she doesn't answer me she threatens to kick me out, and claims everything is the house is hers and its not though its suppose to be for us? the court placed me with them she can't treat me like im some anybody.  but she does treat me like I'm a nobody i know I am getting ready to be an adult and I'm not even asking for much she just thinks about her self and im just like what the hell did i ever do? I'm literally like the most respectful person ever and she decides to go and treat me like this. she claims that I broke the "house rules" but didn't leave the house i clearly never had any intentions to leave he wanted to stop by. now she can't get mad at me she's the one who acts all rude and doesn't wanna have a conversation with me for nothing its always negativity when it comes to her. i am already stressed and frustrated as it is from college and everything else in my life I have to figure out. ever since she got that job she has been nothing but rude but again she's been like that all her life. she doesn't care about me her own daughter or anyone for that matter.  I am just feeling so betrayed and ever since my dad died I cant talk to no one because its been a big toll on me my mom has never once cared to ask how im doing or how im feeling nothing.

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4 minutes ago, kina said:

 I cant talk to no one because its been a big toll on me my mom has never once cared to ask how im doing or how im feeling nothing.

Sorry to hear this. Do you work in addition to going to school? Do you live at home? Who pays for your phone, car, food, tuition, etc.?

Talk to trusted adults, counselors, professors at college. See if you can get a job and on or near campus housing? 

Your mother is grieving/adjusting as well in addition to whatever long-standing conflicts/discord there have been.

You'll have to stop talking at her about things and speak to friends, extended family and trusted adults about what is going on.

 Since you are over 18, you are responsible for supporting yourself so set your sights on that goal.

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Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry to hear this. Do you work in addition to going to school? Do you live at home? Who pays for your phone, car, food, tuition, etc.?

Talk to trusted adults, counselors, professors at college. See if you can get a job and on or near campus housing? 

Your mother is grieving/adjusting as well in addition to whatever long-standing conflicts/discord there have been.

You'll have to stop talking at her about things and speak to friends, extended family and trusted adults about what is going on.

 Since you are over 18, you are responsible for supporting yourself so set your sights on that goal.

I  think they have some sort of job thing there but i will have transportation problems , my dad did pay everything but my mom is paying everything, i had savings but my mom stole those. so she left me with technically nothing. 

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2 minutes ago, kina said:

I  think they have some sort of job thing there but i will have transportation problems , my dad did pay everything but my mom is paying everything, i had savings but my mom stole those. so she left me with technically nothing.  i also have never worked before never got the chance

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Tell your brothers to back off and stop bothering you. Avoid your mother, adopted or not, if she is rude to you.

It's frustrating to be in a household like that so focus even more on your studies and move out. Be careful not to lean on a boyfriend or relationship that is toxic or unhealthy in the meantime. You're in a rocky or vulnerable state looking for someone to be your friend or keep you company while you try to navigate crappy family relationships and your studies. You'll be jumping from the kettle to the frying pan if you decide to move in with a bf who doesn't have his life together. 

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i wasn't going to live with him until I had everything together when I got a job and get money i was going to get my own place then move out and go from there. but I am still working on my studies, im still focused on my studies i was just saying when i did find the time i would find a job and then get my own place hopefully and if he wants to he can move in 

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I really want to clarify...no one is trying to pick on you here!  We have been through these situations before and got out through the other side; and your boyfriend is not a good person.  I would take a moment and listen to what your mom has to say.  She's still paying for things for the family correct, like utilities and living expenses and food?  It's not like she's out partying and gambling.  If you don't like living with her, get a job, save some money, and move out.

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12 minutes ago, kina said:

i wasn't going to live with him until I had everything together when I got a job and get money i was going to get my own place then move out and go from there. but I am still working on my studies, im still focused on my studies i was just saying when i did find the time i would find a job and then get my own place hopefully and if he wants to he can move in 

The bold part is all you need to focus on. Let the other things about your living situation roll off your back. Your foster/adoptive mother cannot live your life for you and there'll be a day when you'll have to answer for your own mistakes and lost opportunities.

Forget this boyfriend also if he's adding fuel to the fire or telling you things to get you more riled up and pissed off. He's part of all the drama and issues with your family. The only thing that you should be focusing on is your independence and please don't let anyone - poor family relationships or a boyfriend - get in the way of this. 

 

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