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How to seduce an older(and kinda popular) man?


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So basically I’ve been chasing this guy who is 16 years older than me and has a rock band for like 7 months. We met in August then I haven’t seen him till October. In October I went to his cafe so many times and I also went to the bars he performed but never got the chance to talk to him and he never talked me. Then one day I think it was in December he came to me at his cafe and talked to me. After that day we always talk whenever we see each other. I flirted with him couple of times.(not too obviously). He even flirted me a little. We follow each other on instagram. Last month I went to another city just to go the bar he performed.(He doesn’t know that I changed the city for him). Even there he hugged me tight. He came he to me immediately after he saw me. That was the last time I saw him. But the problem is we only talk when we see each other. Like if I stop going to the bars and the cafe we would never talk again. I don’t know how to get closer to him. I don’t want to be too predictable. I want him to think about me. And I think that if I be more unpredictable, I can seduce him and make him write to me on instagram. Please give me some advice. He has so many girls my age around him but I don’t want to be one of those girls I want a real relationship with him.

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Why would you want to date someone who is so busy, he'd rarely have any time for regularly dating you? And why would you want a bf you'd have to see girls fawning all over him at his workplace?

You've got stars in your eyes, so you're not seeing things clearly. If you're under age 25, it's also likely you haven't had enough dating experience yet to  consider all the cons of dating a local celebrity. Besides, if you stood out from the crowd as gf material, with all the tons of bait you've set out so far, he's failed to reel you in. 

I'd search elsewhere for a local guy who actually has time to date you, and someone who shows mutual interest.

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I've had professional athletes hug me when they see me. It didn't mean they wanted to date me.

Why are you fixated on a celebrity? Like Andrina said, not only will you not have much time with him but you'd know there will be dozens of young women just like you trying to get with him.

And so you know, musicians and athletes don't just show up on gig day or game day and perform. They are absolutely devoted to their craft. Every minute they're not actually performing they are preparing to perform. I dated a semi pro athlete and his only day off was Sunday. Every other day of the week was spent either competing or preparing to compete. You would be spending a LOT of time alone.

I imagine there are a lot of nice young men you could date that are local to you and aren't involved in a career that would leave you alone a lot and where you'd have to worry about groupies.

And sure, you could try to lure him with sex or nudity. But lots of other young women are trying the same thing. I doubt you want to be just some random tour hookup.

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Well, if he has you on Instagram, if he was interested he would ask you out or at least message you there. He has a way to contact you and he never has. I'm sorry but that doesn't exactly sound like he's that interested. If he owns the cafe you go to and you went there many times, he probably thinks of you as a returning customer and that's why he was friendly to you. He also has to be friendly to fans who come to his shows. If he was interested he'd actually message you privately. I think you're going over the too basically following him around and kind of stalking him. Going to another city just to see him is a bit much. Also most men like the chase and would be scared off by a stage 5 clinger. I think you should either just tell him you're interested and get a response or maybe just leave it.

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How did you meet initially in August? And is he single? 

You’re going to need a lot more confidence than this attracting his attention. Tell him you’d like to take him out on a date. Directly and no nonsense about being coy. 

This may be a fun fling. The issue is you seem to care too much about what he thinks of you. Or the way you come off. 

Have fun with it. If it doesn’t work, that’s ok too. Move on. 

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I wouldn't delude myself into believing that a grown man somehow wouldn't have the ability to ask me out if he wanted to.

If you want to cure yourself of angst, ask him out next time you see him.

If he agrees and you set a date, great. If not, you'll figure out how to stop chasing him and find a more productive focus.

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Just ask him out you will get all your answers right there. Looks like the age gap is worrying you more. Maybe he might have a different perspective about the situation or something else to share to you.

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4 hours ago, Tinydance said:

Well, if he has you on Instagram, if he was interested he would ask you out or at least message you there. He has a way to contact you and he never has. I'm sorry but that doesn't exactly sound like he's that interested. If he owns the cafe you go to and you went there many times, he probably thinks of you as a returning customer and that's why he was friendly to you.

I agree with this!

You sound like a teeny bopper, they called it back in my day.  Some huge crush on a rock star.

I say don't expect much. He's got many fans like you...

IF he was at all interested, you'd know by now.  He would actually try and reach out, get to know you etc.

And the guy's quite a bit older.. and he's a busy man.

So, maybe just let it go.. calm down, stop following so much and carry on.

 

 

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10 hours ago, wealthydior said:

Like if I stop going to the bars and the cafe we would never talk again.

What does this tell you?

If you would lost contact as soon as you wouldnt try to maintain it, they are not interested in whatever you want from them. Whether its friendship, relationship or anything else. 

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11 hours ago, wealthydior said:

 He has so many girls my age around him but I don’t want to be one of those girls I want a real relationship with him.

It sounds like you are a fan but wish to be a groupie. How old is he?

It's ok to have a crush on a musician. However he doesn't want a relationship.

Be a fan if you enjoy the band. Maybe broaden your horizons getting involved in activities where you can meet men who are interested in you for dating, not just as a loyal fan .

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I agree with others--cut to the chase and ask him out. Showing up and flirting are doing nothing for you. "Seducing" him is just a step up on the same ineffective vagueness. 

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I'm 23 and he is 39. Well you are right I could just ask him out but if I do that and get rejected then I can't go and listen his band or go his cafe. I really like his band. So it would be creepy like he would think something like "I rejected her she is still chasing me wherever." I know that he is casually hooking up girls my age. But as I said I don't want just hooking up or be ***buddies whatever. 

And I'm so determined because as I said we met on August after his perform one night and then I saw him in October but he didn't talk to me like we weren't talking before but I went to his cafe and the bars constantly then one day he talked to me like now he comes to me. But I made that happen actually by showing up so many times but he thinks that he talked to me first. So I don't want to be so straight up about anything. I also like the chasing. He just doesn't have to know that I like him. I just want him to guess.

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27 minutes ago, wealthydior said:

I'm 23 and he is 39. He just doesn't have to know that I like him. I just want him to guess.

He knows you're a fan. Just enjoy the show.

Bring a date/BF so you don't feel so alone and desperate.

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25 minutes ago, wealthydior said:

But I made that happen actually by showing up so many times but he thinks that he talked to me first. So I don't want to be so straight up about anything. I also like the chasing. He just doesn't have to know that I like him. I just want him to guess.

It's mostly a game and a thrill to you.  Are there other things that you can find in your life that energize and excite you and don't involve chasing after a musician?  You have zero idea what he thinks.  He is not going to spend an iota of time trying to "guess" whether you like him -he has a busy career and he is building his career -and if he says no to a date he would not be rejecting you as a person because you're just one of his many many young female fans.  

He may have talked to you because you looked cute, it's an ego boost for you and part of his job is to be out there, friendly, engaging, charming.  Also of course if you get involved intimately with him not only are you risking pregnancy with a man who is traveling all the time but also STDs that could affect your physical health and fertility. Is that worth it? 

He's doing his job.  Do you have a job? Interests? Things that intrigue you? Try to refocus.  I dated a radio personality for three months and it was really great when he'd work in one of our inside jokes to his radio program.  He was larger than life sometimes, really charming, really fun and I loved that I could hear him on the radio.  But to get serious with him of course that wasn't enough.  And we didn't have enough to get serious plus he had a mental disorder that I learned about that was a dealbreaker.  But sure it was cool dating someone sort of "famous."  

 

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1 hour ago, wealthydior said:

I'm 23 and he is 39. Well you are right I could just ask him out but if I do that and get rejected then I can't go and listen his band or go his cafe. I really like his band. So it would be creepy like he would think something like "I rejected her she is still chasing me wherever." I know that he is casually hooking up girls my age. But as I said I don't want just hooking up or be ***buddies whatever. 

And I'm so determined because as I said we met on August after his perform one night and then I saw him in October but he didn't talk to me like we weren't talking before but I went to his cafe and the bars constantly then one day he talked to me like now he comes to me. But I made that happen actually by showing up so many times but he thinks that he talked to me first. So I don't want to be so straight up about anything. I also like the chasing. He just doesn't have to know that I like him. I just want him to guess.

Don’t waste your time. I’m going to be very blunt. You seem far too young and inexperienced and this is going to bring you more frustration than any sort of validation. I think you’re too insecure. 

There will be a guy for you but don’t waste your time like this hanging around bars and cafes hoping someone likes you back. 

 

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4 hours ago, Batya33 said:

It's mostly a game and a thrill to you.

I agree. So hang back and enjoy your crush. Have fun. Just keep in mind that at any point, this can turn into a casual hookup for him. In fact, he's probably cultivating that prospect right now, with his unpredictable and irregular attention towards you. He's got a lot of years on you and can probably read you like a book. You know that he has casual hookups with other girls your age, so he obviously trolls your demographic successfully. 

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What do you know about this guy other than his persona?  Don't get hung up on his stage presence, because it's very likely he's not the same in real life.  If he was an accountant, would you have the same attraction?  If not, this is nothing more than infatuation.  It's all fun and games when you're young but it's nothing to count on.  Trust me, you aren't the first wide eyed young girl that fussed over him.

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 I don't think he would take you too seriously someone your age. OR he's not interested in dating anyone because he's so busy/ wants to focus on his career. 

But hey take the shot and see. If he says no then that will be the end of you fretting over this. 

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8 hours ago, wealthydior said:

He just doesn't have to know that I like him. I just want him to guess.

I am quite sure he has already guessed, given that you show up very regularly at his shows. 

He's old enough to have been around the block a few times, and old enough to know how to make a move if he is interested. I am sensing that he enjoys the fact that you're such a big fan and appreciates your support, but isn't interested in anything more with you. 

 

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Are throwing hotel keys on stage still a thing?

Seriously, this guy sounds like he can find a port in any storm and unlikely to want to be drydocked when his only love is his work.

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9 hours ago, wealthydior said:

I'm 23 and he is 39. Well you are right I could just ask him out but if I do that and get rejected then I can't go and listen his band or go his cafe. I really like his band. So it would be creepy like he would think something like "I rejected her she is still chasing me wherever." I know that he is casually hooking up girls my age. But as I said I don't want just hooking up or be ***buddies whatever. 

And I'm so determined because as I said we met on August after his perform one night and then I saw him in October but he didn't talk to me like we weren't talking before but I went to his cafe and the bars constantly then one day he talked to me like now he comes to me. But I made that happen actually by showing up so many times but he thinks that he talked to me first. So I don't want to be so straight up about anything. I also like the chasing. He just doesn't have to know that I like him. I just want him to guess.

Well, you are absolutely within your right to go and see his band's concerts. They are public concerts and anyone is allowed to go. I understand you think it's fun doing the chase. I also agree with you that yes having a crush is fun. I used to like getting crushes too because it gives you that butterflies in the stomach feeling and it's a real buzz. 

I'm not trying to be rude to you but I think there is a difference though between the chase, and desperation and basically stalking. It sounds like you see his band constantly, even follow them to other cities. You also come to his cafe all the time. I'm guessing he works there or he owns it?

I think there is such a thing as too much and after a while can start to look creepy. Chasing someone can be OK for a short period of time and if you're actually also getting signs that they're into you. E.g. If they're messaging you or they hung out with you one on one. I actually don't think that you're really getting anything back from him to be honest. He's seen you so many times now and I guarantee you that he's not stupid and knows that you like him. If you go to all his shows and the cafe, it's pretty obvious that you're following him around. Yet he's never messaged you on Instagram or asked you out.

You said that you don't want just a hook up. This guy is a musician and travels around and meets a lot of girls. I'm sure he can get hookups anytime and gets a lot of women's attention. I think if you want to stand out from the crowd, you'd actually need to stop acting desperate. I'm sure it's not new to him that a girl gets infatuated with him and you're just acting like another one of his groupies.

I don't really see if he rejects you why you can't still see his band. But maybe you would need to start going to another cafe because it would seem really desperate to go there if he turned you down. Besides, it sounds like you only go to that cafe for him so surely you can enjoy going somewhere else instead if he rejects you.

If you just want to keep enjoying your crush, no problem. But doing what you've been doing so far obviously isn't working and there's no result after so long. So I actually doubt that anything different will happen. In particular as I'm sorry to say, he doesn't really seem interested in you romantically.

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