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How should I handle this ?


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Hello  🙂
I feel a bit sad to day and I would like to get someone's else perspective on my situation 
I am 28 yo, due to my career I moved a lot in the last few years but managed to keep 3 close friends in my hometown, I have known them for a decade more or less 
Well I ended one of those friendship 2 years ago, because I felt a lot of jealousy/competitiveness from this former friend.

Anyway I realize now that I am not anyone's priority as a friend and that really saddens me.

I continue to move a lot and I (for now at least) haven't succeeded in creating new and long-term friendships.

For instance, I really got along with a new girl that I me last year at my workplace. We promised token in touch, then we moved out, and she found a boyfriend. That's great, I am genuinely happy for her. 
The thing is, she king of stopped replying to my texts and the whole thing fizzled out 😕 That's a shame because I really liked her. Thats just an example amont others 

I have then established new friendships but I will probably return to my hometown in a few months, we'll see then 

The thing is, I feel very lonely now 😕 It's as if the geographic distance damaged the 2 close friendships that I thought I had. 

For the first one, we don't see each other very often. She works in he same field as I do and has to move a lot.
When we see each other, it's sill "quality-time", it's as if we pickup up where we left, we have the same complicity. 
We try to call each other as often as we can. But apart from me, she has a best friend with whom she travels and spends most of her vacations. When we were still students, we went abroad several times on our summer vacation while her best friend was working ( she's one year older). Now as you guessed it, most of her time off is dedicated to her best friend and that's perfectly normal. The sad consequence is that I only get to see her like twice a year 

For the second one, and that's the one that hurts me the most, she never really liked texting and valued face to face interactions the most. We rarely text for that reason and we had maybe, 2 phone calls over the last 2 years. 
I always let her know when I am going to be back in town and she, at least in the beginning, made space for me. 
I suggested her many times to visit me, she hesitated at first and then politely declined because she was a bit tight financially. 
I found our later from another common friend, that she managed to visit her in another city at the same period  
Besides, we usually like talking about guys and dating, so she randomly mentioned how she joined a guy she met through tinder and who lived 3 hours away and how horrible that date was 
And although I was enjoying her story (not the bad date part, obviously) my heart sank as I slowly realized maybe money wasn't the main thing that kept her from visiting me.
Another thing is that when we indeed have the opportunity to see each other, I notice how frequently she receives texts and how fast she replies. 
As I said, we enjoy talking about guys and if I let how one of my dates know, I will get a reply in one maybe 2 weeks if I am lucky 

And finally but I may be the one to blame on that one, we didn't get to see each other the last 2 times I went home. 

For the context, she suffers from anxiety so going out is not always an option. And for complicated reasons that I will not detail here, I can not invite her at mine. 
So I would let her know I was coming. She would happily offer me to have a tea at her place someday, of couse I would agree. Then the days will pass, I will hear nothing from her and then, she will text me when I am on the verge of leaving ... 
So of course, I tell her than I can not come to see her because I am busy which is absolutely true, since she noticed me at the last minute 
From my point of view (and feel free to tell me that I am wrong), I didn't insist because I didn't want to bother her since she was offering to come at herplace, I could'nt invite myself you know ...

Well it's happening agin now.

I texted her a few weeks ago saying I would be in town this week, she said she would love to see me, but she has her friend( the one she came to visit) at her place. I asked if we could still see each other and she replied "of course" 
I am leaving tomorrow and she still hasn't texted me lol. My guess is that I won't see her this time again 
On the bright side, she did wished me a happy birthday a few days ago 

So I apologize for the wall of text. I think this whole situation has been depressing me for a while, now ... 
I feel so lonely. 
I saw a reddit post earlier on how to handle long distance friendships and a poster suggested to do random things like commenting on their posts on social medias, sending them funny memes ... 
But at this point, I just feel like there's nothing to save. 

On another note, I am open to criticism. I know I struggle to communicate with others and to express my needs. I would just like to know what would be the best thing to do in my position ? Should I even say something to that girl ? or just move on and try to fiend more friends ? 

My therapist put the whole thing in perspective when she said a few sessions ago, that for that second friends, maybe she didn't feel like an absolute priority either, because I went to several trips with my other friend, because I meet plenty of people at my work, because I rarely text her as well ... 
Plus I know that she has a tendance to feel depressed so maybe that explains why she doesn't really make effort to see me ? 

Any help is appreciated  
Thank you so much for reading me 


Plus, I know that she has a tendency to feel depressed so maybe that explains why she doesn't really make an effort to see me 





Any help is appreciated 

Thank you so much for reading me

Edited by Shycarrot
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Certainly, making an effort by connecting with others through technology is a great tool to nurture long distance relationships.

Nonetheless, at the end of the day, whether someone loves to gab nonstop about whatever on the phone or likes everything you post doesn't mean they are a "good friend". And those who could care less about chitchatting via text aren't necessarily "bad friends".

What matters is if they are there for you when you are struggling (e.g. allowing you to crash for a day or two on their couch) and if they make time to see you. For example: I have a good friend from overseas who's a busy working mum, so we barely chitchat. But the time I traveled to where she lived, she made the time and effort hang out.

Why not give your current friend some space and let her come to you when she's ready and willing? Why not make some new friends and focus on people who want to spend time with you? 🙂

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When you arrive let your friend know that you’re in town and ask her when’s a good time to meet up together. Don’t assume anything about her or her and her other friend. If she’s busy this time, make other plans.

Since you’re back in town take the opportunity to do other things and visit places or see family and other friends whom you haven’t seen in awhile. Check out exhibitions, shows, galleries, take a walk down a street you’ve always loved. Regardless of who gets back to you, find a way to enjoy your visit back too. 

Don’t worry about the people who don’t make time for you. There are plenty of fairweather friends who are there whenever it’s convenient for them but won’t make much of an effort. And also keep in mind that it’s a natural tendency for people to always do what’s most convenient for themselves. Finding very loyal and steadfast friends is rare. Don’t let this hold you back from learning and experiencing new things on your own. 

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2 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

When you arrive let your friend know that you’re in town and ask her when’s a good time to meet up together. Don’t assume anything about her or her and her other friend. If she’s busy this time, make other plans.

Since you’re back in town take the opportunity to do other things and visit places or see family and other friends whom you haven’t seen in awhile. Check out exhibitions, shows, galleries, take a walk down a street you’ve always loved. Regardless of who gets back to you, find a way to enjoy your visit back too. 

Don’t worry about the people who don’t make time for you. There are plenty of fairweather friends who are there whenever it’s convenient for them but won’t make much of an effort. And also keep in mind that it’s a natural tendency for people to always do what’s most convenient for themselves. Finding very loyal and steadfast friends is rare. Don’t let this hold you back from learning and experiencing new things on your own. 

Thank you for your reply, I made sure to enjoy this visit to my hometown don't worry 🙂 I did exactly what you said 

I just sent her a text saying that I was leaving tomorrow morning, that I hadn't sent her a reminder because I didn't want to disturb her, and that I will probably be back in 3 months

I know it shouldn't be the case, but that bums me out 😕 I spent the evening crying 

41 minutes ago, greendots said:

Certainly, making an effort by connecting with others through technology is a great tool to nurture long distance relationships.

Nonetheless, at the end of the day, whether someone loves to gab nonstop about whatever on the phone or likes everything you post doesn't mean they are a "good friend". And those who could care less about chitchatting via text aren't necessarily "bad friends".

What matters is if they are there for you when you are struggling (e.g. allowing you to crash for a day or two on their couch) and if they make time to see you. For example: I have a good friend from overseas who's a busy working mum, so we barely chitchat. But the time I traveled to where she lived, she made the time and effort hang out.

Why not give your current friend some space and let her come to you when she's ready and willing? Why not make some new friends and focus on people who want to spend time with you? 🙂

Thank you 

Indeed, that has nothing to do with being a good or a bad friend 

But I sometimes wish I had someone to share these things with. I mean, I can do that with my sisters but it's not the same 

Yes, it's what I should do, I know 😛 But it's easier said than done 

 

 

 

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No, when you are in town text her and ask her when she’s free to meet up.

Avoid texts like the one you sent hinting that the next time you’re in town is in x months as it’s passive aggressive and leaves people wondering what you’re going on about.

I understand you’re frustrated and upset but people may be drawing away from you because your tone is slightly off or appears like you’re threatening or guilt tripping should they not see you. That may not be your intent but avoid these kinds of misunderstandings altogether especially via text message. 

Be direct and ask her when she’s free to meet up during Sunday to Friday next week (the time you’re in town) for example. Let her get back to you with a time that she’s available. If she completely ignores you or blows you off you know not to spend as much time on this friendship. 

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17 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

No, when you are in town text her and ask her when she’s free to meet up.

Avoid texts like the one you sent hinting that the next time you’re in town is in x months as it’s passive aggressive and leaves people wondering what you’re going on about.

I understand you’re frustrated and upset but people may be drawing away from you because your tone is slightly off or appears like you’re threatening or guilt tripping should they not see you. That may not be your intent but avoid these kinds of misunderstandings altogether especially via text message. 

Be direct and ask her when she’s free to meet up during Sunday to Friday next week (the time you’re in town) for example. Let her get back to you with a time that she’s available. If she completely ignores you or blows you off you know not to spend as much time on this friendship. 

Thank you very much, I appreciate your perspective 

What you are saying about the text is very interesting and I hadn't thought of that 😕

I actually hinted the next time I would be in town to alleviate the pressure, meaning that it was not a big deal if we missed each other and that I could come back 

But I didn't realize it could indeed induce guilt, that's too bad, I have already sent it 😞 

I think I have to lower my expectations and to accept the fact that I may care more about her than the opposite, even if it's hurtful. 

Besides, since I was going to at her place, it seemed more logical to me that she would decide what was convenient for her 
On the other hand, I was on vacations so always available 

And I interpreted the fact that she didn't suggest a time to visit as a sign of disinterest

 

 

 

Edited by Shycarrot
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2 minutes ago, Shycarrot said:

Thank you very much, I appreciate your perspective 

What you are saying about the text is very interesting and I hadn't thought of that 😕

I actually hinted the next time I would be in town to alleviate the pressure, meaning that it was not a big deal if we missed each other and that I could come back 

But I didn't realize it could indeed induce guilt, that's too bad, I have already sent it 😞 

I think I have to lower my expectations and to accept the fact that I may care more about her than the opposite, even if it's hurtful 

 

 

 

Then I misunderstood. I’m sorry about that but you can see it maybe confusing on the other side.

I agree with you. Lower any expectations and text her again when you are actually in town, give the days that you are there and let her get back to you. 

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22 minutes ago, Shycarrot said:

Thank you 

Indeed, that has nothing to do with being a good or a bad friend 

But I sometimes wish I had someone to share these things with. I mean, I can do that with my sisters but it's not the same 

Yes, it's what I should do, I know 😛 But it's easier said than done

As Rose mentioned, it's best not to assume anything about your friend. Besides, someone who really wants to see you won't need to be persuaded. They will jump with joy at the chance of spending some time with you.

I've had 'friendships' fizzle out either unexpectedly or because we just weren't connecting anymore, friends disappear for a while due to life and then pop back out of left field, and so on.

Those who genuinely care about being friends with you will find a way back into your life.

 

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I think in some ways you are putting too much pressure on friends. Friends are the much needed break from the stress of jobs, school, family, relationships... a stressful friendship just isn't worth it. 

I've always had a lot of friends and I'll tell you how- 'I meet people where they are'. I pick up on the queues they give and i give equal back. No hurt feelings etc. 

Some are long time friends but we're not super close. Mostly these friends are extensions of other friends. We could call each other in a bind but for the most part we are not in constant contact. I'm happy to see them when I see them. 

Some long timers I am super close too.  We talk everyday sometimes. Then maybe a few days will pass and we won't talk.  It's fine.  life is busy. no explanations needed.

My out of towner friends. I try to see them when I can- if we are near each other and we don't get to meet up, of course it's a bummer but it's life! See ya next time! 

Don't be passive aggressive. You're almost acting like you're dating the friends, analyzing and worried about what it all means. 

Next time you go home, you give them advanced notice. You say things like- I'm coming in on whatever day, I have theses times available.  I hope one of those times works for you.  It would be great to hang with you! 

Then when you get there or the day before, you reach out.... if you don't hear then assume something came up.  After that let them come to you. 

Be more chill about things.  If that 2nd friend declines a visit, accept that.  Just roll with whatever.  Friendships ebb and flow. Maybe her other friend is more of a priority. but that's not any of your business. People don't owe you.

If I make a new friend and they're clingy, I hate that and I distance myself. Don't make life more complicated. Friends help ease our burdens and that's why they're so special. 

If you're feeling lonely a lot, you need to look at what you can do to be better to yourself and find more things to do that fulfill you for you. 

Edited by Lambert
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I like to think I have a good friends network. I like my peace but am not introvert, like to hang out but am not overly extrovert person. But when I was younger I hanged out a lot with a lot of different crowds. Was adaptable, didnt mind different people and was willing to get myself out there. So, through time, I hanged out with a lot of different people an some of them stuck around. Would probably stay the same way even now, but as I got older realized that I "overinvest" a lot in some friendships. So I adopted "Who wants to hang out with me I will hang out with them, who doesnt want to hang out, let them hit the road" policy. Meaning that if I organize something and call you, and then you organize and dont bother to call me, or even just in sense that I am the only one ever to reach out by phone or message to ask how you are doing and stuff, I dont bother to reach after that. Because you clearly show me that you dont really care about our friendship. So I "fizzled" from a lot of friendships like that. But I am rather happy with those who stuck around. 

What I am trying to say is that I think you also "overinvest" in your friendships. I have one long distance friend, we are friends for 20+ years. We hear almost every day and even though rarely organize to see each other, he always stops by when he is close to my town to say "Hello". Your friendships are very low in terms of their investment in you. Oh wow, she congratulated a birthday? That is a 30 seconds of her time if she sent message. Even if she has a friend over, they both can come to see you over coffee in some coffee shop to talk a bit. If she doesnt, there is no need to maintain contact with the person like that in terms of friendship. Friends need to appreciate your company. She clearly doesnt, so let her hit the road.

As for the future friendships, have you thought to maybe try something based on your interests? There are a lot of groups you can join even not knowing anyone there but knowing you share a same interest. For example, we here have a local climbing group, one of my friends connected with them and now they go every Sunday on spots in close proximity to climb and see nature. Dunno what are your interests, but pretty sure you can always find something locally. That way you can connect with various people based on that.

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Broaden your interests and social circles.

Join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get involved in sports and fitness. Make local friends.

Keep in touch with old friends, but since you are out of town now, they can't revolve their lives around if and when you'll be in town.

Try not to treat this like a romance where your expectations are too high.

Also consider dating locally so you are not that isolated and lonely.

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8 hours ago, Lambert said:

I think in some ways you are putting too much pressure on friends. Friends are the much needed break from the stress of jobs, school, family, relationships... a stressful friendship just isn't worth it. 

I've always had a lot of friends and I'll tell you how- 'I meet people where they are'. I pick up on the queues they give and i give equal back. No hurt feelings etc. 

Some are long time friends but we're not super close. Mostly these friends are extensions of other friends. We could call each other in a bind but for the most part we are not in constant contact. I'm happy to see them when I see them. 

Some long timers I am super close too.  We talk everyday sometimes. Then maybe a few days will pass and we won't talk.  It's fine.  life is busy. no explanations needed.

My out of towner friends. I try to see them when I can- if we are near each other and we don't get to meet up, of course it's a bummer but it's life! See ya next time! 

Don't be passive aggressive. You're almost acting like you're dating the friends, analyzing and worried about what it all means. 

Next time you go home, you give them advanced notice. You say things like- I'm coming in on whatever day, I have theses times available.  I hope one of those times works for you.  It would be great to hang with you! 

Then when you get there or the day before, you reach out.... if you don't hear then assume something came up.  After that let them come to you. 

Be more chill about things.  If that 2nd friend declines a visit, accept that.  Just roll with whatever.  Friendships ebb and flow. Maybe her other friend is more of a priority. but that's not any of your business. People don't owe you.

If I make a new friend and they're clingy, I hate that and I distance myself. Don't make life more complicated. Friends help ease our burdens and that's why they're so special. 

If you're feeling lonely a lot, you need to look at what you can do to be better to yourself and find more things to do that fulfill you for you. 

Thank you very much 

I really like your answer because it forces me to take a long, hard look at myself

It's funny because a few years ago, I started to distance myself from a former friend because she was smothering me and was excessively clingy. And now, I realize I am the one who has too much expectations in this particular friendship 🤦‍♀️

I completely share your point of view, I am so much more laid-back in my friendships that it seems in this post 

It's just that friend, specifically, that I don't want to lose. 

 

Just to give you an update of the situation : she texted me back saying that there has been a misunderstanding, and that she was waiting for me to give her my availability. She said she was sorry, that she should have been more clear, and that she would be happy to see me when I come back. She then asked how was my week 

I told her not to apologize as it was not her fault and that I was just foolishly waiting for an invitation because I didn't want to be too intruding 🙄

37 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

I like to think I have a good friends network. I like my peace but am not introvert, like to hang out but am not overly extrovert person. But when I was younger I hanged out a lot with a lot of different crowds. Was adaptable, didnt mind different people and was willing to get myself out there. So, through time, I hanged out with a lot of different people an some of them stuck around. Would probably stay the same way even now, but as I got older realized that I "overinvest" a lot in some friendships. So I adopted "Who wants to hang out with me I will hang out with them, who doesnt want to hang out, let them hit the road" policy. Meaning that if I organize something and call you, and then you organize and dont bother to call me, or even just in sense that I am the only one ever to reach out by phone or message to ask how you are doing and stuff, I dont bother to reach after that. Because you clearly show me that you dont really care about our friendship. So I "fizzled" from a lot of friendships like that. But I am rather happy with those who stuck around. 

What I am trying to say is that I think you also "overinvest" in your friendships. I have one long distance friend, we are friends for 20+ years. We hear almost every day and even though rarely organize to see each other, he always stops by when he is close to my town to say "Hello". Your friendships are very low in terms of their investment in you. Oh wow, she congratulated a birthday? That is a 30 seconds of her time if she sent message. Even if she has a friend over, they both can come to see you over coffee in some coffee shop to talk a bit. If she doesnt, there is no need to maintain contact with the person like that in terms of friendship. Friends need to appreciate your company. She clearly doesnt, so let her hit the road.

As for the future friendships, have you thought to maybe try something based on your interests? There are a lot of groups you can join even not knowing anyone there but knowing you share a same interest. For example, we here have a local climbing group, one of my friends connected with them and now they go every Sunday on spots in close proximity to climb and see nature. Dunno what are your interests, but pretty sure you can always find something locally. That way you can connect with various people based on that.

Thank you fo much for your insight, it's very helpful 

Yes, I have thought of that but covid restrictions have made it difficult to meet people this way. 

 

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22 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Broaden your interests and social circles.

Join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get involved in sports and fitness. Make local friends.

Keep in touch with old friends, but since you are out of town now, they can't revolve their lives around if and when you'll be in town.

Try not to treat this like a romance where your expectations are too high.

Also consider dating locally so you are not that isolated and lonely.

That's really good advice, thanks 

9 hours ago, greendots said:

As Rose mentioned, it's best not to assume anything about your friend. Besides, someone who really wants to see you won't need to be persuaded. They will jump with joy at the chance of spending some time with you.

I've had 'friendships' fizzle out either unexpectedly or because we just weren't connecting anymore, friends disappear for a while due to life and then pop back out of left field, and so on.

Those who genuinely care about being friends with you will find a way back into your life.

 

Why not, if I may ask ? 

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2 hours ago, Shycarrot said:

I told her not to apologize as it was not her fault and that I was just foolishly waiting for an invitation because I didn't want to be too intruding

Glad you worked it out.  I probably would not have told her, "to not to apologize."  You obviously did feel slighted and it's a little fake to be all-- don't apologize.  You have to be real about how you feel and not brush them off or things will come up again.  I probably would have just said, "thank you.  I am sorry, too."  Then move on.  

When you feel like you are losing a person in your life, the answer is never to squeeze them tighter.  When people pull back or choose other opportunities than time with you, it's a signal to you. It might not mean anything you have done or an indicator of the value of the friendship, but respecting other people's boundaries and space is key to long time friendships.  As is listening to your own feelings and if you are hurt, exploring why.  Friends just like anyone can and will let us down at times.  Any long-lasting relationship requires a lot of forgiveness and understanding.  

I bet as you let these feelings pass and you start focusing more on yourself, you will find you have many friends.  

Edited by Lambert
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2 hours ago, Lambert said:

Glad you worked it out.  I probably would not have told her, "to not to apologize."  You obviously did feel slighted and it's a little fake to be all-- don't apologize.  You have to be real about how you feel and not brush them off or things will come up again.  I probably would have just said, "thank you.  I am sorry, too."  Then move on.  

When you feel like you are losing a person in your life, the answer is never to squeeze them tighter.  When people pull back or choose other opportunities than time with you, it's a signal to you. It might not mean anything you have done or an indicator of the value of the friendship, but respecting other people's boundaries and space is key to long time friendships.  As is listening to your own feelings and if you are hurt, exploring why.  Friends just like anyone can and will let us down at times.  Any long-lasting relationship requires a lot of forgiveness and understanding.  

I bet as you let these feelings pass and you start focusing more on yourself, you will find you have many friends.  

Thank you very much 

I agree with what you just said 

Except I wasn't delighted to receive her apologies, I felt guilty instead 

 

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4 hours ago, Shycarrot said:

Why not, if I may ask ?

It's easy to create stories in our head that are worse than reality. In this case, turns out she wasn't blowing you off. As you mentioned, she was just waiting for your availability.

5 hours ago, Shycarrot said:

she texted me back saying that there has been a misunderstanding, and that she was waiting for me to give her my availability.

Anyway, I'm glad to hear that you worked it out. 🙂

Edited by greendots
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Glad you heard from your friend. 

You may find it helpful to consider it natural for friendships to diverge at times. We can't live in a parallel focus as we each face different internal and external challenges and priorities over time.

The good news is, this doesn't necessarily mean that divergence is permanent. You may stay in looser contact for a period and then find yourselves drawn closer at other times down the road.

Allow for these cycles and hold loosely without taking offense. If you can remain good natured as you redirect your focus onto bringing new friends into your life, you may thank yourself down the road when you rekindle fabulously with older friends at a more opportune time.

Also consider forming different kinds and degrees of acquaintanceships to meet different needs. Find a single point or two of commonality and enjoy that small scope while respecting the limits that others bring with them. Over time some of these lightweight connections may evolve into closer friendships, but meanwhile, you'll build pride in your skills for keeping a lighter touch.

Head high!

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  • 2 months later...
Posted (edited)

Hello 🙂 

I made this thread a while back because I was worried that the bond I had with a close friend was slowly fading. She lives in my hometown while I moved out for work 

Just a little recap : due to a lack of communication on my part, we hadn't seen each other the last time I was in town (February) but she agreeably suggested we call each other, which we did 2 weeks later. 

 I moved back in my town in the first of may because it was the wise choice career-wise and (secretly) in hope that I would rekindle this friendship. 

I invited her at my place 3 weeks ago but she declined saying she has to study (I completely understand). 

After her exams, we texted a bit and she said she was planning to visit her family in the north so she would let me know when she was available

Since I had not heard of her after that, I texted her this morning, and no replies so far 

I know that you can't read her mind, so you won't be able to tell me what that means

To be honest, I feel a bit disappointed. Maybe I had too much expectations but I was hoping we would be able to catch up

But I can assure you I don't come across as needy in my behavior nor conversation

On the bright side, I did built a social life in my work place. I have a lot of stuff going on :  I actually visited some of my coworkers this month in my previous city, I am planning a big trip in june and another one in august/September. So I am a bit busy and I rarely think of her. 

I just got a punch in the gut when I realized I have been here for a whole month, 

Edited by Shycarrot
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She may be dealing with something you don't know about so let it be and it was good of you to invite her over to your place and text her. 

Something could have come up with her family if it was a sudden visit up to visit them. I'm sorry your communication is so sparse and vague. To be honest, I wouldn't expect anything out of this friendship as regardless of what's happening you're not communicating that much. 

Put this out of mind and carry on what you're doing and plan other things with other people.

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Rose Mosse said:

 

"She may be dealing with something you don't know about so let it be and it was good of you to invite her over to your place and text her. Something could have come up with her family if it was a sudden visit up to visit them."

Yes, maybe she is, I have no idea 

"I'm sorry your communication is so sparse and vague."

Thank you. I wish it was different 

"To be honest, I wouldn't expect anything out of this friendship as regardless of what's happening you're not communicating that much. "

Really ? Why would you say we're not communicating that much ? I have always thought some people are just not fond of technology and all of that 

"Put this out of mind and carry on what you're doing and plan other things with other people."

Thank you I will 

I have just received a text from her. She's saying she'll be available tomorrow and that she's sorry she has not responded yet 

But we're going dress-hunting with my sister tomorrow so I guess we'll have to postpone it. 

I'll tell her that I am free on Friday and the weekend 🙂

Edited by Shycarrot
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Some great input here.  In general since you are the one relocating I think your expectations of your friends in your former location are a bit unrealistic.  I'm glad this situation resolved it seems!

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20 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

Glad you heard back from her. Enjoy dress-hunting! 

Thank you 

"To be honest, I wouldn't expect anything out of this friendship as regardless of what's happening you're not communicating that much." 

Does that still apply ? 

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I’m glad your friend replied, you’ll finally be able to meet. I don’t think you should worry too much about the miscommunication between you. I also have very good friends that I don’t talk to very often.

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