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I have a bit of a crush on my coursemate


ATYD
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So ever since starting my masters in architecture, I have this course mate in my class who I have found quite sweet and attractive. I haven't dated in a while, as I came out of a long term relationship about a year ago, so I'm not sure if there's a certain energy between us, or it can just be normal friendly behaviour. Additionally, he's a British Caucasian man and me being an African black women is getting me worried about being rejected. 

We tend to have after class drinks as a group on Fridays, and there was one occasion where we chatted one on one for a while and he stressed I shouldn't go, as he just wants to order another drink at the bar and was really enjoying our conversation.  Because of the intensity of the course I don't get to see him so much, but every time I see him we acknowledge each other quite cheerfully, and just talk if time allows it. 

The other night we all went out to celebrate after a deadline, and went on a bit of a bar crawl. At some point in the evening, the both of us were walking a bit behind the rest of the group and where just chatting the way we would normally. And these group of drunk ladies approached us asking if we were a couple; we both said no we are just out with a group, and they kept saying how they sensed a vibe and tried to get a different response. We both got quite embarrassed by it and didn't say so much, then the ladies then apologised and left. Right after neither of us really acknowledged it and it was a bit awkward. Meanwhile, the rest of our class decided to go home, so we decided to get cabs home. He then held my hand and kissed it goodnight. 

I messaged him when I got home to check he was home, and he seemed quite chatty despite it being 4 in the morning, until we both fell asleep. I decided to follow him on insta the next day and that's where I am at now. I kind of want to ask him on a date cause I would really like to get to know him, but Im not sure if its all in my head and he's just being friendly. Also as I only have ever dated African men, I am not sure how to read British men in all honesty, and what will be the right approach, so I dont come on too strong.  

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In my completely unscientific observations, I have found that the British (and Europeans in general) do not have the hangups about race and ethnicity that many Americans tend to have (again, generally speaking).

I encourage you to say something like "I really enjoy our conversations. Would you like to get together for coffee and more conversation?" Then if he says yes, you can gauge how he interacts with you one on one and sober.

Good luck!

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1 hour ago, ATYD said:

I am not sure how to read British men in all honesty, and what will be the right approach, so I dont come on too strong.  

You seem like a bright lady, so he may be attracted to you as well. You're taking all the right steps socializing, connecting on social media, etc. Continue to try to arrange one-on-one situations. Start with a low key coffee to gauge interest and determine some more about him.

Edited by Wiseman2
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Ha, he kissed your hand. Classic.

Britain is very diverse now, dont think race is playing a big factor as you think. 

Also, it can go either way. Nothing you said indicates that he likes you or doesnt. Aside of maybe holding hands. But he doesnt make any concrete moves. So, its still up in the air. See how he behaves from now. Is he flirty? Does he sends you messages first? Stuff like that. Coffee would be nice idea for 1 on 1 talk. There you can see if he wants something or not.

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