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Is it possible to be clever against a narcissist?


Lat182
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A narcissist hates being ignored so ignore them completely!  Nothing drives a narcissist crazier than being ignored. 

I know several narcissists in my life.  I simply ignore them and to me, it's quite humorous to observe how flustered a narcissist becomes whenever I ignore them.  Try it.  It works. 

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If its a win you after against narcissism, I am afraid you dont understand narcissism at all. Narcissists are very good in projecting. Nothing you ever do will ever shake them, "1Up" them and similar. Because they cant have their own build up fantasies crash. So they always reverse it in order to accomodate them. If you are asking for apology, you will never get that or it will not be sincere. If you are asking to get back to them somehow, again, they will only reverse it in their mind. If you are asking to ignore them for attention, again, you are not the priority there, they are. They only allow you to be in their life, not the other way around. At least that is how it is in their mind.

Being "clever" is to just move away from person like that. Because you will never get what you want there. Again, you are not the priority and you will never be.

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depends on situation but be smart, never show aggression, get into an argument , when not possible,  confront them in public space where many eyes keep a watch, these kind generally have no power around people.

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12 hours ago, Lat182 said:

If so, how?

Rule #1 is don't get involved. 

If you're already involved, or if there's no avoiding it (e.g., the narcissist is your family member or your boss), there are also ways of dealing with them effectively. It varies by situation but the key is to hold your nose, keep your hands clean, and your emotions out of it. Sort of like cleaning crap off the bottom of a shoe. Don't think about it, just do it.

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People like this are unreal 😕 .

You cannot reason with them at all. And they manipulate & try to turn it all around onto you!

The way their mind works is truly scary. So, yeah, do whatever possible in avoiding having to deal with them.

Do not argue with them. Deal with them as little as possible. Just don't play into their head games.

I've got an ex like this, a neighbour like this and an ex-friend.

My ex is a constant whiner, always needy and feels he always has to be right. IF you try to explain your end of things, he'll go at you for another hour 😕 . Sadly, he's caused a rift between himself & his son, due to his crap... I once spoke up to him ( had myself totally prepared as I knew how it was going to pan out)... I said my few words- about his actions and to just stop going at my kid.. and at the end, I said " this is not up for discussion or argument, I am just saying enough!" And of course, he said some more crap- but I never replied... I was done.

His reaction to my other son was 'Well I won that argument'.. Omg.. seriously??  So, these types of people seem to listen to respond, not listen to understand. ( If you've heard that before?).

My Neighbour, is always fighting w/ her kid. Always barking about something or someone.  Because we made a complaint as her dogs were barking excessively, she has publicly shamed me more than once and then some. I have never experienced such idiotic, disrespectful neighbours!

My Ex friend was a little odd since I met her... so I was cautioned around her.  She began by depending on me a little too much, too often. She had weird moods and it was like there was 3 of them in her head 😕 . We had a (male) friend in common. To me he was just a nice friend. We got along fine ( nothing more), but she began acting up with us both - in the end, I had to defend myself about things with her, as her jealousy came out towards him & she was acting up with me... Again, I spoke up, at first she had applogized, but 2 days later, she tried to turn it all onto me AND say things that my guy friend never said! So, at that point, I gave up & never responded or spoke with her again.  I found her attitude atrocious and demeaning.  Within months, my guy friend also disowned her...

 

* They are toxic.. they will drain you 😕 *.

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Clever doesn't work on someone who is delusional.

A true narcissist lives in their own fantasy world where they are The King/Queen and you are just a passing character in their deluded play world. Basically, you can't win in a game where the game is constantly designed and redesigned for you to lose and you don't have any actual control over that.

The only control that you have is over yourself and your response, aka get rid of the narc. That's the only "clever" move and it's the ultimate checkmate on narcs' games. 

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I agree with all the above.

Married one and he knew how to push my buttons and get reactions out of me.  And I allowed it.

The answer to the question about how to be clever is easy.  But challenging if you are engrained in an old dynamic of reaction.   

Just do not engage and do not react.  It makes them freakin' crazy.  Expect them escalate and there is no end to what they will do when they aren't getting a reaction.  You end up with no choice other than to completely remove yourself from the situation.

There are no winners with a narcissist.   It's best just to cross the street when you meet one.

Edited by reinventmyself
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My ex liked to make me cry because it made him feel powerful and important and manly.  Once I caught on I stopped reacting.  It really upset him because he got off on getting people upset.  He would even try to get me to physically fight other women over him.

These people are nasty pieces of work.  The only thing to do is remove them from your life.

But...the OP has not replied so I presume they either aren't reading the responses or didn't find what they were looking for here!

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On 2/21/2022 at 6:13 PM, Lat182 said:

If so, how?

What is the purpose of being 'clever against' them? You can't 'win' with them and you can't 'fix' them. The best thing to do is avoid them. When there's no avoiding them, the next best thing is to deflect them. 

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