Hey guys!, your fav girl is back with another bf problem (but I need your help please 🥺)

[Newgirlforever]

I am in a relationship with a guy I love. He is good to me and sometimes I think okay... this is the one for me’ but then other times I am not so sure. For example we're together for a year now (both 25) and he has never actually gifted me anything. It’s not that I particularly want chocolates or other gifts but it’s the fact that he would care enough to give me these things as a token of his affection. I don't even care if it's a small thing, I would be so happy. When I see my girlfriends receiving gifts from their boyfriends, I feel like kinda like I wish my bf could get me something too, even if it's just chocolates or flowers. I kinda just think he is somewhat stingy. Because I tried telling him how I'd like it if he got me something once in a while. But he would change the topic or when I was hinting at him to get me something on valentines day and he ignored that too and then when he was talking about how could his friend spend so much money on his girlfriend for her birthday. Like that part really got me thinking that he might be that kinda boyfriend who is stingy asf. He's also a student studying for a bank job plus his family is well off so he gets his allowance from his parents. So I know money is not the problem for him. But yea, it annoys me. What should I do. 🥺

[Wiseman2]

21 minutes ago, Newgirlforever said:

I kinda just think he is somewhat stingy. Because I tried telling him how I'd like it if he got me something once in a while. But he would change the topic or when I was hinting at him to get me something on valentines day.

Is he generally cheap? Does he live at home? Do you go out much? Does he pay for dates? What kind of gifts do you give him for holidays and birthdays etc.?

Stop all the hinting and nagging. No want feels inspired to get anyone gifts that are nagged and hinted about. In fact he's pushing back from this.

Does he do other nice things for you? Drive, cook, spend time, plan dates, etc.?

Will this lead to an arranged marriage or will his family eventually choose someone? Are you from different socioeconomic backgrounds?

It's possible he's just not that into you and therefore simply not investing in the relationship.

Read the book "Love Languages". He may not be into gifts, as strange and cheap as that is. Also read "He's Just Not That Into You".

But do not buy him gifts and definitely stop hinting  and nagging and begging. 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Does he do other nice things for you? Drive, cook, spend time, plan dates, etc.?

Same question. What gifts have you purchased for him?

[Kwothe28]

13 hours ago, Newgirlforever said:

he has never actually gifted me anything

Not even for a birthday? That is weird

There are people who are not big on gifts. If he is rich, some rich people are stingy no matter how much money they have. That is why they are rich lol

But, I would entertain the idea that he just doesnt care enough. If he did he would at least try when you told him you want something. OK, maybe he compensates in other ways. But think its still kinda weird he doesnt show it in that way. 

[DancingFool]

18 hours ago, Newgirlforever said:

I was hinting at him to get me something on valentines day and he ignored that too and then when he was talking about how could his friend spend so much money on his girlfriend for her birthday.

This is a red flag the size of China and goes well beyond just being stingy. He is telling you straight up that he doesn't give, doesn't believe in that, AND he has zero respect for those who do treat someone close to them well in terms of being a giving person. He can't even understand it and he finds it outrageous. That's one nasty individual and he is showing you that side of him openly.

So, no matter how much you wish for it, yearn, hint, etc, etc, etc - he is not the type of a person who will lift a finger to please you in that manner.

Also, when you say that he is good to you, what does that mean? What makes him good? What does he do for you?

[Newgirlforever]

19 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is he generally cheap? Does he live at home? Do you go out much? Does he pay for dates? What kind of gifts do you give him for holidays and birthdays etc.?

Stop all the hinting and nagging. No want feels inspired to get anyone gifts that are nagged and hinted about. In fact he's pushing back from this.

Does he do other nice things for you? Drive, cook, spend time, plan dates, etc.?

Will this lead to an arranged marriage or will his family eventually choose someone? Are you from different socioeconomic backgrounds?

It's possible he's just not that into you and therefore simply not investing in the relationship.

Read the book "Love Languages". He may not be into gifts, as strange and cheap as that is. Also read "He's Just Not That Into You".

But do not buy him gifts and definitely stop hinting  and nagging and begging. 

Umm it's a long distance relationship...and since it's a lrd we take turns to travel to see each other although he made me travel to meet him  when we met for the first time. 

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Newgirlforever said:

Umm it's a long distance relationship...and since it's a lrd we take turns to travel to see each other although he made me travel to meet him  when we met for the first time. 

What do you mean he made you? Does he make you do anything else in your opinion or do you choose what you do?

[Newgirlforever]

17 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Same question. What gifts have you purchased for him?

I bought him a shirt and a men's perfume last year for his birthday. My birthday is coming up.. In March..at this point I expect nothing from him. I'm not gonna hint anything at him. 

[Newgirlforever]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

What do you mean he made you? Does he make you do anything else in your opinion or do you choose what you do?

When we were gonna meet for the first time, I was traveling to a different state (we live in different states) so I was really not comfortable traveling but then he told me he's never traveled by flight in his life and he doesn't want to travel alone being it his first time. I don't know if that's just an excuse for him to not spend but he paid for the hotel where we we stayed. (also guys, we live in India where our parents are kinda strict about having boyfriends and girlfriends staying at their house so yea) 

[Newgirlforever]

6 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Not even for a birthday? That is weird

There are people who are not big on gifts. If he is rich, some rich people are stingy no matter how much money they have. That is why they are rich lol

But, I would entertain the idea that he just doesnt care enough. If he did he would at least try when you told him you want something. OK, maybe he compensates in other ways. But think its still kinda weird he doesnt show it in that way. 

My birthday is coming up next month. I'm not expecting anything from him. But we'll see. 

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Newgirlforever said:

When we were gonna meet for the first time, I was traveling to a different state (we live in different states) so I was really not comfortable traveling but then he told me he's never traveled by flight in his life and he doesn't want to travel alone being it his first time. I don't know if that's just an excuse for him to not spend but he paid for the hotel where we we stayed. (also guys, we live in India where our parents are kinda strict about having boyfriends and girlfriends staying at their house so yea) 

I think this is a nonstarter if he's unwilling to travel to you and not giving you any gifts for special occasions.  I am sorry.

[Newgirlforever]

44 minutes ago, DancingFool said:

This is a red flag the size of China and goes well beyond just being stingy. He is telling you straight up that he doesn't give, doesn't believe in that, AND he has zero respect for those who do treat someone close to them well in terms of being a giving person. He can't even understand it and he finds it outrageous. That's one nasty individual and he is showing you that side of him openly.

So, no matter how much you wish for it, yearn, hint, etc, etc, etc - he is not the type of a person who will lift a finger to please you in that manner.

Also, when you say that he is good to you, what does that mean? What makes him good? What does he do for you?

Like.. He's not possessive about where I go or who I talk to or what I wear or force me to share my social media accounts and verbally insult me... I've been in relationships where things like this would happen. My exes were toxic.. And he's nothing like that. Just stingy which is also bothering me. But should this be a deal breaker?? 

[Newgirlforever]

5 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I think this is a nonstarter if he's unwilling to travel to you and not giving you any gifts for special occasions.  I am sorry.

But he's also come here. Like we talk turns to see each other. But for the first we met was when he asked me to travel first. 

[Newgirlforever]

Just now, Newgirlforever said:

But he has also come here. Like we talk turns to see each other. But for the first we met was when he asked me to travel first. 

 

[Batya33]

Just now, Newgirlforever said:

But he's also come here. Like we talk turns to see each other. But for the first we met was when he asked me to travel first. 

Right.  He didn't "make you" -  you chose to - why did you put it that way -do you feel like he "makes you" do things? 

No gift giving is not a dealbreaker necessarily.  But the reasons for it might be.

[Newgirlforever]

Just now, Newgirlforever said:

 

Omg I'm messing up my grammar I'm sorry.. I don't know how to edit it too 

[Wiseman2]

Just now, Newgirlforever said:

But he's also come here. Like we talk turns to see each other. But for the first we met was when he asked me to travel first. 

You set the precedence of chasing guys and paying for it. No one forced you to pursue a LDR and pay for that. It's a waste of money on travelling.. Are you scheduled for an arranged marriage? What are you running so far away from?

[Newgirlforever]

17 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You set the precedence of chasing guys and paying for it. No one forced you to pursue a LDR and pay for that. It's a waste of money on travelling.. Are you scheduled for an arranged marriage? What are you running so far away from?

No I'm not. I wasn't chasing after anyone. We met online and he was so persistent and he wanted to fade and give him a chance. So I did. 

[Newgirlforever]

21 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Right.  He didn't "make you" -  you chose to - why did you put it that way -do you feel like he "makes you" do things? 

No gift giving is not a dealbreaker necessarily.  But the reasons for it might be.

Okay he didn't make me... He kept suggesting me that it would be better if I came the first time saying that it would be better and that I just to pay for my flights and he'll pay for the hotel where we stayed. 

[Batya33]

8 minutes ago, Newgirlforever said:

Okay he didn't make me... He kept suggesting me that it would be better if I came the first time saying that it would be better and that I just to pay for my flights and he'll pay for the hotel where we stayed. 

Yes.  This doesn't sound like it's worth the time and effort to do LDR (and yes I was in one for a few years and yes totally worth it but I know it's so much extra time and this doesn't seem to be worth it.

[Wiseman2]

15 minutes ago, Newgirlforever said:

He kept suggesting me that it would be better if I came the first time saying that it would be better and that I just to pay for my flights and he'll pay for the hotel where we stayed. 

So he let you stick your neck out, take all the risks, put yourself in potential danger and let you pay for all that, except the hotel where he wanted sex on the first meet?

This is not about cheap, this is about a man who simply does not care. Stop taking foolish risks on unreliable men who do not respect you or care about your safety, happiness etc.

Comparing him absolute toxic ex monsters does not make him a good person.

 You need to end this not because of chocolates but because of distance, overall apathy and poor treatment.

[Newgirlforever]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

Yes.  This doesn't sound like it's worth the time and effort to do LDR (and yes I was in one for a few years and yes totally worth it but I know it's so much extra time and this doesn't seem to be worth it.

Like I said... He's really good to me and I know he loves me. All my other exes was so toxic... I don't see those traits in him. He's just kinda stingy. Please advise me but like not to break up with him. I genuinely like him too. But not everyone is perfect right 🥺🥺 🥺 

[smackie9]

 

OK so just because he's nice, doesn't mean he's right for you. This is why we date...to see if they fulfill our expectations. Sorry but what you see is what you get.

Every lady/person likes to feel appreciated....and a nice, even small bouquet of flowers goes a long way. Hell I've had guys show up for a first date with some flowers...I think it's nice manners and very gentlemanly but I am old fashioned that way. First impressions count in my books.

So what are you going to do when he gives you nothing or something crappy for your Birthday?

[boltnrun]

2 minutes ago, Newgirlforever said:

Like I said... He's really good to me and I know he loves me. All my other exes was so toxic... I don't see those traits in him. He's just kinda stingy. Please advise me but like not to break up with him. I genuinely like him too. But not everyone is perfect right 🥺🥺 🥺 

You have two options: accept that this man will never be convinced to buy you gifts and don't bring it up anymore, or break up with him because gifts are extremely important to you. Your choice.

[smackie9]

3 minutes ago, Newgirlforever said:

Like I said... He's really good to me and I know he loves me. All my other exes was so toxic... I don't see those traits in him. He's just kinda stingy. Please advise me but like not to break up with him. I genuinely like him too. But not everyone is perfect right 🥺🥺 🥺 

No this guy is just not right, not right for you. You shouldn't have to bend over backwards for this guy because he's not toxic....you are still having bad feelings towards this behaviour of his. That's not right and you can do better.