I was dating someone but after 2/3 dates she stopped seeing me half a year ago. I slept with someone else during that time and we recently re-kindled things. But I told her I slept with someone and she’s really hurt and I’m scared. Any advice?

kingba1904 · February 19

Me and this girl were dating and things were going extremely well. I knew I wanted to be with her, she was that sensational to me. Then afterwards she told me that she couldn’t prioritise dating because of family issues. It was heartbreaking and she’s quite forward with her words. We found ways to message and check up on each other here and there but bottom line was she would say we can’t do this.

Due to past experiences (I’ve never had a girlfriend before in the past by the way) I told myself I need to accept the situation and move on so I decided to put myself back on the market. I saw someone else and we ended up sleeping together but it didn’t go far after that. I was still into the girl and couldn’t stop thinking about her so I decided this isn’t for me.

We spoke again some time later two months later but it was the same thing again I thought that something could happen but again she ghosted me. I decided again let me put myself in the market but after one date again couldn’t do it.

Now for the past month me and the girl would be talking more and talking about marrying each other and stuff and I would feel so good and we recently spent valentines together. But we was speaking one night and she asked me did I sleep sexually with someone else and I told her yes I did when we was not speaking. I explained to her what I was going through and she was not happy. I’ve never felt so heartbroken. My anxiety kicked in after such a long time of containing it well. For days I have not gone gym, not spoken to any of my friends, not even left the house and I’ve resorted to smoking weed.

She is going through things herself and she’s with her family in another country to attend to family issues so I don’t want to be a burden on her. After our conversation she has called me to check up on how we are doing whilst she was away which has helped but I’m still scared. She said when she gets back to the UK she will call me to have a talk. One time i told her on the phone I was working on her birthday present and she said “we need to have the talk first” and this is making me even more anxious.

I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to say and I’m living each day feeling completely empty without her. I thought me telling the truth is part of relationships and not hiding anything but this feeling she could break up is affecting me really bad.

I never post but I feel I need to reach out somewhere because this is really effecting me mentally. Any advice for this?

Edited February 19 by kingba1904

MissCanuck · February 19

You did nothing wrong, and it was none of her business what you did when you were not seeing her.

She is unreasonable and immature to hold this over your head. But given your history with her, I suspect she rather enjoys yanking your chain when it suits her.

You would be wise to get rid of her. She's effectively left you hanging twice, and has the audacity to get pissed off when you exercise your sexual freedom as a single man. This chick is a piece of work, man.

Why do you let her treat you so poorly?

kingba1904 · February 19

6 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

You did nothing wrong, and it was none of her business what you did when you were not seeing her.

She is unreasonable and immature to hold this over your head. But given your history with her, I suspect she rather enjoys yanking your chain when it suits her.

You would be wise to get rid of her. She's effectively left you hanging twice, and has the audacity to get pissed off when you exercise your sexual freedom as a single man. This chick is a piece of work, man.

Why do you let her treat you so poorly?

I wouldn’t say she left me hanging twice. This was because of legitimate family issues which even me I was like you know what I get it even though it hurt me so much. Her pain comes from her not knowing from the get go and me kinda saying that I’m waiting for you etc so I get her understanding but at the same time I didn’t want to hide this from her

smackie9 · February 19

Anyone that holds you hostage emotionally for something you didn’t do anything wrong is an a hole. How dare she punish you. She was the one that dumped you and you basically were forced to move on. Don’t let this woman push you around because her ego is butt hurt. So if she had to feel devalued because you didn’t put your life on hold is not someone I would say is worthy of marriage/ or a lifetime investment being together. This smacks of self entitlement/ selfishness on her part. Run away as fast as you can because she will forever hold this over your head.

Edited February 19 by smackie9

SooSad33 · February 19

55 minutes ago, kingba1904 said:

I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to say and I’m living each day feeling completely empty without her. I thought me telling the truth is part of relationships and not hiding anything but this feeling she could break up is affecting me really bad.

I never post but I feel I need to reach out somewhere because this is really effecting me mentally.

She could break up? From sounds of it, it doesn't sound like you two are together involved at all. And you two only had 2-3 dates. Nothing evolved.

She seems to keep leading you on. This push & pull and YES, that is damaging.

She's either in or she's out! Don't let her be this way with you and No, she has no reason to react negatively towards you on what you did, while you two were not even involved.

This gal is no good for you.

IF you are truly into someone you do not lead them on and on.

A lot about her is concerning.

is maybe time for YOU to put an end to this. For your own mental health.

catfeeder · February 20

She had no right to ask that question, and it was not wise of you to answer it beyond telling her that you view the question as inappropriate.

I'd tell her that I adore her, but I won't be held an emotional hostage to something I cannot change. I'm also not putting my life on hold for her--I'm walking away while I still think highly of her. If she ever decides that she can move beyond this she can let me know, and if I'm still available then, we can meet to catch up. But I'm not going to revisit the topic again.