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Talking for a month - What next?


blok949491
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I (26M) matched with someone (24NB) on a dating app, and after a few messages we exchanged information and have been talking pretty much daily on Snapchat. We haven't met in person due to distance and financial concerns, but it is something that we both want (I think? That's what they've told me, and I definitely want to meet sometime). Things are going great from what I can tell. We vent to each other, talk about our hobbies, day to day things, dreams, aspirations, advice to one another. Our schedules finally aligned perfectly and we had a video chat for a few hours last night that I'm still elated from.

However, a few days ago, I checked up on their dating profile, which has been updated since last week. I know this shouldn't mean anything since we haven't agreed to be exclusive to each other yet. The thing is, it does? I kinda felt like a punch in the chest, as if I'm not good enough and they are looking for other options. It's my own insecurity and it's something that I gotta work on.

But wait, there's more. This person's living situation is volatile, and they are quite a ways from their friends and family. I thought about asking them to move in, but sat myself down and knew that it was too soon, that I was absolutely insane for thinking about it.

I truly think that this person is the best match I've ever gotten, and I don't want to rush into things, or mess it up. The thing is, I have these feelings that if I don't act, they'll find someone else. I'm at a loss. I really want things to go well here. What do you think about this situation? Do I just keep going and hope we get there, or do I let them know what I'm feeling and hope it doesn't backfire?

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2 hours ago, blok949491 said:

I (26M) matched with someone (24NB) on a dating app, and after a few messages we exchanged information and have been talking pretty much daily on Snapchat. We haven't met in person due to distance and financial concerns. I checked up on their dating profile, which has been updated since last week.

I truly think that this person is the best match I've ever gotten, and I don't want to rush into thing

How far apart are you? 

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You’ll need to let go of that feeling that someone you like may find someone else better. That’s coming from incredibly low self confidence and it speaks volumes about how you see or regard yourself. Know that you are worth the wait if you choose to pursue this LDR.

You should also know LDRs are not encouraged due to the very complications you’re experiencing right now (financial, schedules, confusion and not being able to easily access one another or attachments formed unnaturally over distance and disproportionate to real time experience dating one another). You are also not seeing first hand how this person interacts with others and everything they are telling you is a picture or impression with words or snapshots than can be easily lied about, forged or fabricated. 

Id examine why or how you got to this place, why this match appeals to you. Are you fresh out of a relationship or break up? You seem to have blinders on and are coming from a deep place of insecurity. 

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My advice, stop investing your feelings. As of now you two are total strangers, never met, and you really don't know what you are getting into. People lie, so don't believe everything they tell you. IMO, this isn't going anywhere, AND never date, or hope to date anyone that is having issues. You want someone that is level headed, self sufficient, happy, financially stable. never get involved in their drama, or rescue people...that's just dumb. I'm glad you sat yourself down and said no to them moving in. I feel you really need to take a reality check on yourself because you are getting into this way too deep. Pull back, and not hope, but keep your options open. Give yourself a slap to the face or a kick to your butt....just don't go into this any further. 

Edited by smackie9
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Unless you can make a plan -time and place -to meet in person within 2 weeks I'd move on now. And the meeting should be in public and maybe an inexpensive walk outside or museum visit.  This sounds like a train wreck but if there is a plan to meet very soon for an hour or so then you can see if it's worth it to go on a date.  

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You don't even know them.. You can't save them.

Yup, way too much too soon.

Arrange a meet up with them... distance IS a problem in order to to this stuff.

As for them updating profile, you need to maybe consider asking them IF they feel okay with everything with you, so far.

You won't know unless you talk.  Communication is important.

Yah, sit back and reconsider all of this.  Don't lose yourself over someone you've only been chatting with for a month.

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