Please help me. I need it pretty bad.

[ashley55]

Well. To start. I'm 17, I know I'm a baby when it comes to love and relationships. But I'm expierencing my first love. We were togther only very shorty before I gave him my virginity, and ever since I have had this uncontrollable need for him. We were in a relationship for only 5 short months, b.c I had an issue with lying to him about stuff that I didn't think mattered and was in the past. He set such expectations for me and I just hated to not be what he wanted. I would do anything for him, his papers, I got on weight loss pills (he said I needed to lose 15 lbs. I'm 5'9 and 145...) I mean, I'm just so in love with him. We aren't 'official' anymore and he swears we never will be again. It just hurts so bad. We're still having sex and seeing eachother constantly. But, now he's been very into his 'rate my body' account, and I think it's so stupid. He gets random girls to reaffirm how attractive he is. I don't know if he's making me jealous, or if he's insecure. Either way, it's getting to me, he's now IMing people from this site. I'm so insecure and jealous. I read a comment on his page that was 'he's so hot, and his fave color is blue, hehe talk to you in a sec hunny. xoxo.' I cried for about 3 hours. I had been thinking his fave color was green. I know I'm being so stupid and irrational, but my emotions don't understand that we aren't together anymore. I think it's hard bc I opted to continue having sex with him, but I just need to know how ridiculous I'm being, or if I have valid reason to be so hurt. He just doesn't care about how I feel anymore. Please help me learn how to fix the heart he broke. Thanks. -Ashley

[melrich]

He doesn't sound like the great boyfriend material. You should stop having sex with him, he is taking you for granted. Put a stop to it ands ee what his response is. It sounds to me like he is more the one who needs to do the changing.

[RandomAdvisor]

I don't think you should just stop having sex with him. You should stop having any contact with him period.

 

This guy sounds like a total jerk. He's abusing you emotionally, and stripping away at your confidence. You don't need someone like that in your life. You may have loved him, but he sure as hell didn't love you. You don't treat people you love like that.

 

Tell him you don't want to talk to him anymore, and add him to your block list on buddy list.

 

You don't have to see him in school everyday, do you?

[ashley55]

Luckily, school's out. But prior to, I had all 4 classes with him. It just sucks. When we were together we were happy at first and we made all of these plans for the summer and stuff. I know it's kiddish to plan out your life and stuff, and I'm sure it's because of the emotional and physical investment I placed in him. But damn, it hurts.

[RandomAdvisor]

Being around him is only going to make it hurt longer. As long as he is around, and tearing you down emotionally, it's just a reminder that you're not together. That he doesn't think you're good enough to be his GF.

 

When you break all ties from him, it will probably hurt even more. For a little while. But thats when the healing process begins. You can't start to heal until you get him out of your life.

 

Be strict about the NC!! He'll probably be hounding you for sex. Don't take phone calls from him, ignore his e-mails...nothing. No contact of any kind.

[ashley55]

I know. I've tried so many times to cut him off. But sitting next to eachother for 7 hours a day always led to us fixing things. I always agreed to term after term to win him back. I just can't get over how rejected I feel. I mean, he rushed home to what? Call me, doubtable. It was to get online, and I got a text saying that I should, 'get online, if you want to talk'. I mean, he claims he understands how much I do for him and stuff, but he just doesn't appreciate it, I guess. Man, I really hope this whole 'young love' BS could be like The Notebook

[RandomAdvisor]

I hope you're not going to have any classes with him next term. You really need to ignore your emotions and act rationally in this situation.

 

You don't even need to sit down and talk to him about this. Just send him an e-mail saying you don't want to have sex with him anymore, and you think it's best that you don't speak to him anymore either. You're not a couple anymore, and that's that. Maybe you can let him e-mail you back once to respond, but that's it. Then you add him to your block list for e-mail, and buddy list. And then you call your phone company, and have them block all calls and text messages to your number.

 

He'll probably still try to contact you. Don't be surprised if he shows up at your doorstep. The kind of casual sex he's having with you is a dream situation for many guys, and I think he's one of them. He wont be eager to lose the opportunity to use you for sex. And rest assured, that's what he's been doing to you. He's been using you. Don't let him anymore.

[Reilly2856]

Let me just say one thing: He doesn't deserve you girl! I think you know pretty well that he has been using you, but you just have trouble accepting it. For one thing, a guy should love you for who you are, not ask you to lose weight, do his work, use you for sex and still have the nerve to say I don't think this will work out. My advice: Get away from him, fast. You deserve much better than him. The day you realize that you'll be over him.

[ashley55]

I know. I just hate this. I made him everything. And I feel like my whole world is kind of slipping. I gave up all of my friends for him. So, it just sucks. I mean, he treats me worse than a dog. I'd be lying if I said I wanted to give up the sex. So I know I'm going to be missing that really bad. Urg! I wish I could have what I used ot have with him...

[RandomAdvisor]

You know what you have to do.

 

Keep us updated.

[ashley55]

Lol. I'm really not stalking this thing but it seems everytime I go back to it you have freshly replied. It's cool though, I appreciate it a lot. I know what I have to do...but it's so hard. We've been close for a long time

( we were friends, bestfriends, prior to the rlationship.) It's so true what they say about sex complicating things. It brings out the most carnal and negative emotions in people. It's so ugly. I would have never expected this to end up like this. I wish he would/could/wanted to change. And I wish I could convince my heart to give up hope...b.c I know him ever loving me back is a hopeless cause.

[yen]

I'd be lying if I said I wanted to give up the sex.

 

Isn't it wonderful to make love with someone whom you love and someone who loves you also? Do "no contact" with him in any way.. emails, phone calls, etc.. so you could easily move on.. it would take time but believe me, you will. You're still young and you deserve a guy who wouldn't take you for granted and who will give you love and respect.

[Reilly2856]

I think one of the biggest misconceptions is one believing we can change the person we love to the "way he/she were." That never happens! I know what it is like to wish and hope for things to go back to the way they were, but that never happens. That's the thing about words and actions, once they have occurred, they cannot be taken back. Even if he does change into that "old wonderful self" can you really forgive him for being the jerk he has to you? You said yourself, he treats you worse than a dog....why are you letting him CONTINUE to treat you this way? If the only reason your hanging on to him because the sex is good...then in a way, you are using him as he is using you. Except he also gets to hurt you emotionally by putting you down, which gives him the ultimate control. Come on girl, open your eyes and realize that you can have, no you deserve much better than this. Staying with someone, changing yourself for that person is useless, because even if that is accomplished, you will always know you are cheating yourself by hiding the true you.

[hurtAgain]

Hey girl...

This is a similar situation, if you look at my post "Loved a co-worker for 3 years. Still see him at work"....The only difference is that I'm 30 and see him every day at work.

You are only 17 and still see him at school.

 

girl, where do I begin. I know it hurts, and love knows NO age. But, you can't change people, and I'd hate to see you, in my situation, in 3 years.

 

I've experienced true love also, and you'd do anything for that person. You'd give up your pride, your self-confidence...anything, just to make yourself worth of the other's love.

I would have changed religion (he's muslam) for this guy...hell, I got implants for him, and yes, I PAID.

Than, I realized that changing myself for this guy, will only make me his slave later on. As far as I'm concerned, he's probably having hot topics conversations with another girl, in his office, which is 4 offices away from mine.

 

Just for the records, I thank him for the idea of having implants.

 

So, back to you, move om girl. it's easier said than done, but look at the bright side...you have us...We don't judge, because at one point in our lives, we've been both the statue and the pigeon

 

Best of luck