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Would you forgive your partner for…?


Layla678
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Would you forgive your partner if they admitted they would’ve had sex with someone else during an argument you had?

Me and my partner had a fallen out and didn’t talk for a few days. I later found out he was on Instagram asking girls for sex. (Yeah I know, that would’ve done it for me too) 

His excuse was obviously because we were not talking and he felt I was doing the same and he was trying to forget me. I asked him if he had sex with someone else and he said no, but I’ll be honest with you, if I was given the opportunity I would’ve done it. I suppose I appreciate his honesty but at the same time I’m burning inside because I would not have been able to do that with someone else, even if we broke up, certainly not right away.

Any advice please? Thank you 

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55 minutes ago, Layla678 said:

Me and my partner had a fallen out and didn’t talk for a few days. I later found out he was on Instagram asking girls for sex.

How long have you been dating? Hw old is he? What was the argument about?

If this is his go-to when he picks a fight, you need to reflect why you're with someone like this.

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I probably would not continue with this guy.  

I can't accept the "we were on a break" or "I was angry" or "I didn't know if you were ever coming back" or "I thought you were doing the same thing" or whatever the excuse.... 

When you are in a happy, healthy relationship you both have to be free to have an argument and it not become the end, not lead to 3 days of not talking and then looking for sex with someone else.  

It would bother me that my partner could go three days without talking to me.  A mature balanced adult is able to handle two sides of emotions.  Anger over the topic with still love for their partner.

Three days without sex is clearly not a long time.  I mean how horny was he?  he had to run out and get laid with a stranger.  Which is a whole other side of his personality.  

Then there's "I thought you were doing the same" excuse.  Come on.  That is something a child says.

I would seriously consider what is the strength and value of this relationship.  Are two just together so you're not alone? That's what it sounds like.  The minute you argue, he's scoping the internet for easy sex.  Hello-- what about STDs?  

Sounds like not such a great guy.... no emotional intelligence, unable to communicate feelings.  And maybe you are that way, too.  Why were you not talking for days?  That's BS in a relationship.  So maybe you need to look at your hand in this as well.  What are the ground rules in your relationship?  

 

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1 hour ago, Layla678 said:

Would you forgive your partner if they admitted they would’ve had sex with someone else during an argument you had?

No. This is a person with no filter and bad judgment overall, showing high impulsivity and total lack of care or consideration for a partner.

All giant red Xs when it comes to things to avoid in a relationship. 

Has he always been like this? Do you share a home and are there kids involved? 

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For me personally it would be a dealbreaker if a person I was thinking of dating long term/getting serious with would approach strangers on Instagram for sex and/or have sex with a person in that situation.  Even if he was not in a relationship. I might be friends with that person but never romantic partners.  What he did was inconsistent with being in a committed relationship and shows how strong his focus on sex is and also shows that he is comfortable pursuing strangers for casual sex.  Depends on what your values and standards are.

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why are you in a relationship with such a person? are you really thinking of marrying this person one day and spending your life with him?

if its love, respect, understanding, compatibility you expecting, then its definitely not there in your relationship.

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4 hours ago, Layla678 said:

His excuse was obviously because we were not talking and he felt I was doing the same and he was trying to forget me.

Ahh, No.

He's turning this onto you.  When it's HIM who was considering cheating.. Makes ya feel great, doesn't it? 😕 

So, how's it going to go every time you two have an argument.. and HE pulls away again?

No thanks. be done with an idiot like this!

 

 

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Years ago, I dated someone who did things like this.  Any conflict, he immediately started lining up my replacement.  He used the same excuse.  Because he thought I was too.

What ended up happening is I lost my voice and censored myself in fear of any sort of conflict or misunderstanding.  He had done this more than once and I still returned to the relationship.  There was always that threat lingering that I could be so easily replaced.

It was miserable.  Lesson learned.

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On 2/6/2022 at 9:00 AM, Layla678 said:

... he was on Instagram asking girls for sex.

I'd ask myself whether someone who does this is someone I'd ever want to date in the first place.

For me it would be less about betrayal and more about a complete lack of alignment in our values.

Why would I choose a partner with such lousy judgment, I'd be afraid to turn my back on him for 5 minutes, much less trust any major life choices he'd make?

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