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Is he just being toxic


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Just want to hear your thoughts on this.

I broke up with my ex in March last year (we were together for about 6 months and I broke it off because he said he doesn’t have feelings for me even though he wanted to wait a bit longer to see if these would develop). After a month of no contact, he suddenly messaged me to tell me how he’s doing (started a new job, got nice colleagues etc) and asked how I am doing. We started exchanging messages for the next 2 months but we would wait 3-4 days between replies. At one point I said that I don’t feel comfortable with this anymore ( I was starting to get attached again) and I will no longer reply to his messages. He said that he understands and that it is fine. Two months later, he messaged again to “check up if I’m still alive and well”. I replied to his messages a few times and eventually “ghosted” him aka stopped replying. Guess what? Last week he messaged again to see if I’m “alive and well”. I replied within a few hours, but it’s been two days now and have gotten no reply from him. WHAT GAMES IS HE PLAYING? Why is he acting like this? We broke up on good terms and always thought he’s a good guy  , and that we just weren’t meant for each other,  but now I’m starting to think he’s just toxic and trying to prevent me from moving on - as in wants me to keep thinking about him.. 

what do you think? Should I block him right now and stop dwelling on the past? In all honesty I did really like him and all this time I was hoping he would say he wants to get back together but nothing of that sort. 

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1 hour ago, lostfemale said:

 I’m starting to think he’s just toxic and trying to prevent me from moving on 

It's your responsibility to delete and block him after the breakup precisely for this reason. 

You can move forward whenever you like. It's been a year since the breakup. 

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I really hate the word "toxic". Its used everywhere and for everything while it should be used for very bad things. When somebody is "toxic" for you that means they are bad for you. Meaning that they make you do bad stuff that you wouldnt usually do or just make you behave like the worst version of yourself. Ex contacting you to ask how are you doing isnt "toxic". He maybe wants back, maybe just wants to stay in your life or just to know how you are doing. Nothing in his behavior indicates something really bad.

But I do agree that you should maybe block him. Especially if you feel you cant move on because he is there in any form. 

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46 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

I really hate the word "toxic". Its used everywhere and for everything while it should be used for very bad things. When somebody is "toxic" for you that means they are bad for you. Meaning that they make you do bad stuff that you wouldnt usually do or just make you behave like the worst version of yourself. Ex contacting you to ask how are you doing isnt "toxic". He maybe wants back, maybe just wants to stay in your life or just to know how you are doing. Nothing in his behavior indicates something really bad.

But I do agree that you should maybe block him. Especially if you feel you cant move on because he is there in any form. 

He's not being "toxic" (so overused I agree - I'd worry more that my husband's leftovers in the fridge are toxic) - you're getting in your own way -you're tolerating flaky behavior.  You're playing games with yourself and wasting time.  Respect yourself and if his sort of interactions don't meet your standards take your toys out of the sandbox and go home with them and leave him in the dust (mixing metaphors but figured it's fresher than "toxic").

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If you can’t control yourself then block him.

At the very least mute any notifications coming from him. You can check them in 2025 for all you care. Or never. 

You have strong feelings for him so it’s best you can this and be kind to yourself.

It’s very likely there is no meaning to his coming and going. You are one out of two hundred people he may reach out to on a slow day and one of many women he’s slept with or been in a relationship with whom he’s checking on. Treat it as no reason.

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People will do what we allow them to do.  It's not "toxic" if you're a willing participant.

Do you think one day you'll wake up to a message that says "Please take me back"?  How long are you willing to wait for this to happen?  Another six months?  Six years?

Ask why you're being "toxic" to yourself.  You could stop this anytime you want.  Don't let "hoping" keep you stuck on a dead end situation.

My ex used to message me every time he and the woman he was dating got into a fight.  I knew that was why he was messaging.  At first I too would get all excited, thinking any day I'd get that "Please take me back" message.  I never did (thankfully, because that relationship HAD been toxic).  I finally had enough of his BS and changed my number.

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I agree with saving the term "toxic" for those who are actually toxic.

Could be several things going on here.  The most likely one in my opinion is that he is bored, likely from not getting enough attention online or in person (or both--depending on where he's focusing his efforts), so he's basically "sniffing around" to see how receptive you are as far as filling the gaps until he finds what he's looking for.

If you don't want to play his games, don't play.  Like others have said, simply block and delete.

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8 hours ago, lostfemale said:

about 6 months and I broke it off because he said he doesn’t have feelings for me even though he wanted to wait a bit longer to see if these would develop).

If no feelings after 6 mos, they won't just develop.

 

8 hours ago, lostfemale said:

Two months later, he messaged again to “check up if I’m still alive and well”. I replied to his messages a few times and eventually “ghosted” him aka stopped replying. Guess what? Last week he messaged again to see if I’m “alive and well”. I replied within a few hours, but it’s been two days now and have gotten no reply from him. WHAT GAMES IS HE PLAYING?

Was YOUR choice to reply.  YOU have the choice to NOT respond, so he will stop contacting you.

Is up to YOU to just stop responding.. I had an ex like this.. He had hurt me enough... He's do the same thing.  But I just stopped responding. It eventually ends, because they'll get the hint!

 

 

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Should have blocked him right when you broke up. Idk if I would call this toxic, or even a game. He probably might genuinely care and want to be friends. But you can't be friends with him clearly because you'll get attached, and he won't return the feelings you want him to have for you, and the cycle will continue. I would just block block block. 

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