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Only meeting for a half an hour? Is this normal?


limichelle
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It is an audition. But setting it up that way with this speed dating type arrangement makes it too much of an in your face audition IMO.  I like the sex and the city where Charlotte has Carrie call her with an "emergency" so she can leave the date ASAP.

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Since you did first ask him how long the meeting would be so that you can get a ride home, he had to give an answer, and probably erred on the side of caution in case there's zero chemistry. If you both live close to the meeting place, 30 minutes sounds good to me. It's enough to know if you want to go on another date.

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To answer your title question, yes it is quite normal to keep that first meet and greet short. It's exactly that - to see each other in person and see if there is any in person chemistry to warrant setting up an actual date later on. Either or both having other plans and choosing to keep things 30-40 mins is quite normal and no, it's not an insult. Again, this is not mean to be a date.

As a practical matter, those first meets can be shorter, longer, continue into an actual date. It varies. Ultimately, go into these things with an open mind and don't ask awkward questions about time limits. There is literally no right answer to that kind of a question. 

Also, step back from over thinking and words like enigma or audition. No he is not an enigma - he is just a stranger you are meeting up for a coffee. Given that most people are reasonably civilized, odds are that you'll have a pleasant chat regardless of chemistry. No it's not an audition - it's just two people meeting for a coffee and a chat. Keep an open mind and take more of a blank slate approach. Rather than overthinking about how it might go and what he is like, live more in the moment and just deal with who shows up for that coffee.

 

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I think 30 minutes is on the shorter side and I think context matters here - she agreed above it was TMI to tell him  her transportation restrictions.  So in that context he may not have meant it as it sounded.  

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18 hours ago, limichelle said:

He’s setting a 30 minute meet because he wants to make sure we get along. 
 

Is he always this negative (i.e. in your chats with him)?  Because I have literally never been talked to like this.

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You cannot get to know someone on 30 mins timeframe. You have to be blunt of what you are looking for- for instance if you want to be exclusive you should tell him then you can make ur decision then

 

Edited by Orianna
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4 hours ago, Orianna said:

You cannot get to know someone on 30 mins timeframe. You have to be blunt of what you are looking for- for instance if you want to be exclusive you should tell him then you can make ur decision then

 

It's not about getting to know the person but simply knowing whether it's worth it to plan a first date after a first meet.  In around an hour or even less I think the two people know whether to see each other again on a date.

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2 minutes ago, limichelle said:

Update:

 

It went rather well! We ended up spending an hour together talking about a lot of things we have in common. We want to meet up again. 
 

I was nervous for nothing!

This is so great. Have fun! 

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So he’s now on the fence about a second meeting as he has things to think about. He has to see if he is the right fit for my shortcomings. I’m rolling my eyes! Next! 
 

I know my worth and deserve a guy who doesn’t have to question me especially when he has issues himself. 

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18 minutes ago, limichelle said:

He has to see if he is the right fit for my shortcomings.

What? What does that even mean? He has to see if he can tolerate your flaws? He has to see if he is somebody to fix them? Its so weird sentence lol

Sorry that happened. Eh, its one date so no biggie. Chin up, will get better. 

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37 minutes ago, limichelle said:

So he’s now on the fence about a second meeting as he has things to think about. He has to see if he is the right fit for my shortcomings. I’m rolling my eyes! Next! 
 

I know my worth and deserve a guy who doesn’t have to question me especially when he has issues himself. 

Tell him not to waste his time.  Please.  What is wrong with people?  It's not about deserving or anything of the sort.  Far more basic.  Do not let anyone ever speak to you in that way - walk away with quiet dignity -don't lecture him or anything -that stoops to his PATHETIC level.  What he said to you shows he has serious social issues and missed that day in kindergarten when basic manners were taught.  

Edited by Batya33
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15 hours ago, limichelle said:

So he’s now on the fence about a second meeting as he has things to think about. He has to see if he is the right fit for my shortcomings. I’m rolling my eyes! Next! 
 

I know my worth and deserve a guy who doesn’t have to question me especially when he has issues himself. 

What a self-righteous d-bag.  I bet he never finds any women who want anything to do with him.

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16 hours ago, limichelle said:

So he’s now on the fence about a second meeting as he has things to think about. He has to see if he is the right fit for my shortcomings. I’m rolling my eyes! Next! 
 

I know my worth and deserve a guy who doesn’t have to question me especially when he has issues himself. 

You’ve dodged a bullet. Yes, that’s a very weird thing to say to someone you’ve just met. Next.

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16 hours ago, limichelle said:

So he’s now on the fence about a second meeting as he has things to think about. He has to see if he is the right fit for my shortcomings. I’m rolling my eyes! Next! 
 

wth?   I didn't say anything originally but the whole 30 min meeting (whether he had plans or not) smacked of him being a professional at this.  Meaning, he may have come up with a drill that he'll sum up a woman's physical appearance in 30 min's or less.  He may have well asked to meet you in the parking lot, just for you to get out to spin around.

"Fit YOUR shortcomings?"   I don't have words for that one!

The downside of OLD is you expose yourself to a lot of kooks.  Try not to let it wear you down and look at the absurd humor in it.

I had a guy one time ask to meet me in a bar.  He was overly specific about where and what seat, etc. I got there, sat down as instructed and he asked for my hand.  He placed his house key in my hand and told me he'd be right back.  I sit there alone perplexed.  We had just laid eyes on each other, yet I sit there holding his house key.  He returned smiling and shared that he practices leaving his wallet in his car so he has a reason to leave.  He tells me I was a lucky one, because he doesn't often leave his house key with someone he doesn't plan on returning for.  He seemed really pleased with himself.  I think I said something like "wow, lucky me!" I handed his key back, hopped off the bar stool and left.

Edited by reinventmyself
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