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Only meeting for a half an hour? Is this normal?


limichelle
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So the guy I’m meeting at the coffee shop set the time to hang out for only a half an hour. 
I honestly haven’t been back out in the dating world in the past three years. Is this normal? I’m used to honestly longer first meetings.  I asked him why only 30 minutes? He said to keep it casual the first time.

 

I usually get a vibe if the person and I will at least get along before meeting in the past. I never know about chemistry or anything beforehand of course.  But I do at least get a glimpse throughout texting if we have a vibe of some sort. 
 

With this guy. I honestly don’t know if we’ll vibe or not. I guess 30 minutes is good incase we can’t stand each other 😂  Perhaps I’m overthinking because it’s been so long  for me to be out there meeting others. 
 

I did take it as if maybe the guy isn’t really all that keen about me but is curious and so he wants to meet.

 

 

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How do you know he set it for 30 minutes? Did he tell you he has to be somewhere else afterwards? 

He doesn't seem like a gentleman. Even if he's trying to be light or efficient about things, you don't make it so blatant like that. He has lost all manners, I'm afraid. 

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I think after talking with him this past week he’s told me he’s had such bad experiences with online dating. He’s setting a 30 minute meet because he wants to make sure we get along. 
The good news is we both live five minutes from the coffee shop. So it’s not like we’re meeting an hour away. 

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8 minutes ago, limichelle said:

He said 30 minutes to start out with. I did ask him how long he wanted to hang out for because I’m getting a ride to and back from the coffee shop. 
I don’t know what to think honestly 

In that context, I think it's fine. It's an odd question that you asked him. He wouldn't know either how long he'd want to spend with you. Usually these things are openended and coffee or first meets are brief. Some do only last 30 minutes but I have never had one last just 30 minutes. 

I wouldn't overthink this. Meet with him anyway. It would better if you organized meeting locations within walking distance of you if you're not able to drive yourself. It would place less pressure on you to know these kinds of details so early on.  

 

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So it's not that he only has a half hour he is telling you your audition lasts a half hour.  Yes- if he said it was because he had to be somewhere after and offered to reschedule so he could plan for more like an hour, fine.  I wouldn't like that sort of pressure and being penalized because of bad first meets he'd had.  I remember cutting off two first meets in less than a half hour. 

The first because he showed up basically unkempt in ragged clothing, seemed to be on something, and we'd planned to meet at the bar of a nice restaurant -so I suggested we go downstairs to the bookstore coffee shop and ended it as soon as I could.  The other person I just knew as soon as I met him no way - not because of looks.  So that was about 20 minutes.  

Edited by Batya33
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well, OP you kind of put him on the spot with the question about what time your ride should pick you up. If he said 5 hours, you wouldn't be happy with this reply either.

He tried to be diplomatic and said "30 minutes to start with", emphasis on "to start with".

Is there any reply to your question that would have been satisfactory to you?

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Okay I misunderstood. 😂 I just asked him to clarify. He said he’s unfortunately got things that came up. So he can only meet for a half an hour but if we hit it off he’ll want to spend more time with him the next meeting. 

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19 minutes ago, limichelle said:

He said 30 minutes to start out with. I did ask him how long he wanted to hang out for because I’m getting a ride to and back from the coffee shop. 

Now that I'm re-reading this, I can sort of see (what might be) his side on the matter. He didn't have a timeframe in mind ahead of time. But when you asked him, he thought about it. And maybe he thought about it a little too much and freaked himself out.

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2 minutes ago, East4 said:

well, OP you kind of put him on the spot with the question about what time your ride should pick you up. If he said 5 hours, you wouldn't be happy with this reply either.

He tried to be diplomatic and said "30 minutes to start with", emphasis on "to start with".

Is there any reply to your question that would have been satisfactory to you?

Oh I see - you shouldn't have told him about your plans -and with a first meet I wouldn't arrange a time for a ride back because you never know -so yes you kind of put him in an awkward position.  

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Just now, limichelle said:

Okay I misunderstood. 😂 I just asked him to clarify. He said he’s unfortunately got things that came up. So he can only meet for a half an hour but if we hit it off he’ll want to spend more time with him the next meeting. 

Oh, so he imposed the deadline before you asked him for a timeframe?

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You should just go and have a good time. Don't worry too much about this. Maybe he will be a total weirdo and provide a good source of amusement. Enjoy yourself. That's the point.

Edited by Jibralta
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Ahhhh it all makes sense now! East4 is absolutely correct in this..

He would have felt on the spot and just said 30 minutes (probably since who drinks a coffee for an hour or more anyways?) and then wanted to be polite or come across as a gentleman by saying “to start with” implying I believe that he would like to stay longer but as long as you are comfortable to stay longer than 30 mins, so the ball is in your court 😉

 

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7 minutes ago, limichelle said:

I just asked him to clarify.

If I may, just a friendly advice: next time do not ask him, or any other man on a first date, to clarify. It shows insecurity on your side. And he does not owe an explanation to a woman he has never met. You may demand an explanation to your boyfriend, or husband, but not to a man you are going to meet for a first time, as to why he would like to keep the date short. Too heavy as a start.

And most probably, his excuse is just a BS anyway.

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I understand better. Thanks for the words of advice. This is all new to me again.  I’m happy with 30 minutes because it can go either way. If it goes good, which I’m hoping for I can see him again.  If he’s a dud I can be home after 30 minutes and laugh or cry about it. 😂 


I did impose the question so I probably shouldn’t have but I did. 
 

To be honest he’s very analytical in his thinking and not emotional. I’m the opposite I’m more emotional. I tend to in the past match with duds who are feet above clouds. I say duds because they end up being rude or jerks. 
 

This guy may be worthwhile meeting because he can keep me more grounded.

 

I’ll update you guys afterwards good or bad.

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16 minutes ago, East4 said:

If I may, just a friendly advice: next time do not ask him, or any other man on a first date, to clarify. It shows insecurity on your side. And he does not owe an explanation to a woman he has never met. You may demand an explanation to your boyfriend, or husband, but not to a man you are going to meet for a first time, as to why he would like to keep the date short. Too heavy as a start.

And most probably, his excuse is just a BS anyway.

Sorry I should have worded it better. I didn’t ask him to specifically clarify. I just asked out of curiosity why only 30 minutes. But I understand where you’re coming from. 

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He is just like me. I am not giving anybody more than 30-40 at the most minutes of my time on the first meeting IF THAT LONG. It's a face to face meet and greet, not a big deal. If done correctly, a woman can roll through 3-4 guys in a couple of hours without ever leaving the coffee shop. The goal is to ask them questions, see if they look like their pictures (face, age, height and weight wise), what kind of weirdness they project, if they can hold a decent conversation, if they are respectful or a pervert, etc.

There is no reason for one of these online first meeting things to last any more than 30 minutes. Ever. If you dig the guy, then on date #2 you set it for longer. If not, you haven't wasted the one valuable resource you have in life that can never be replenished... YOUR PRECIOUS TIME! 

I don't understand why you are even trippin about this. It's a rule YOU should have in place.

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1 hour ago, limichelle said:

. . . he’s told me he’s had such bad experiences with online dating. 

Never a good sign.  Not that he's had bad experiences, but that he's telling you that, and then essentially using it as some sort of leverage going into your audition for his affections.

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1 hour ago, limichelle said:

I understand better. Thanks for the words of advice. This is all new to me again.  I’m happy with 30 minutes because it can go either way. If it goes good, which I’m hoping for I can see him again.  If he’s a dud I can be home after 30 minutes and laugh or cry about it. 😂 


I did impose the question so I probably shouldn’t have but I did. 
 

To be honest he’s very analytical in his thinking and not emotional. I’m the opposite I’m more emotional. I tend to in the past match with duds who are feet above clouds. I say duds because they end up being rude or jerks. 
 

This guy may be worthwhile meeting because he can keep me more grounded.

 

I’ll update you guys afterwards good or bad.

He's a stranger for all practical purposes so I wouldn't assume whether he's logical or emotional or -like most of us -a mish mash of both.  You didn't ask him out -you suggested a first meet and then told him you needed to plan for your ride back -which to me was TMI - if you agree to meet someone somewhere they assume you're able to get there and back -certainly if you have a later appointment you can say "yes I can do from 2 to 4" but I wouldn't trouble the person with how you have to know precise timing for your ride.  Live and learn.

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52 minutes ago, waffle said:

Never a good sign.  Not that he's had bad experiences, but that he's telling you that, and then essentially using it as some sort of leverage going into your audition for his affections.

I can understand your concern because it’s a concern of mine as well. I could always end it sooner then 30 minutes if I get there and he’s horrible, so who knows? Maybe we’re both auditioning? 
 

I know though I usually get a better read on people before meeting them. I’m meeting him just to see what he’s like in person. I’m also curious. Hes right now an enigma. 

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10 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

He's a stranger for all practical purposes so I wouldn't assume whether he's logical or emotional or -like most of us -a mish mash of both.  You didn't ask him out -you suggested a first meet and then told him you needed to plan for your ride back -which to me was TMI - if you agree to meet someone somewhere they assume you're able to get there and back -certainly if you have a later appointment you can say "yes I can do from 2 to 4" but I wouldn't trouble the person with how you have to know precise timing for your ride.  Live and learn.

Yes I realize this, thank you. I know next time.

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He must have listened Wisemans advices about the first dates lol

Anyway, I am assuming its a Tinder one. Lots of those first ones are to just see each other and see if you look like in a profile picture and how are you in person. It doesnt mean too much. Drink a coffee and see how it goes.

Edited by Kwothe28
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