He didn’t think I could hear during meeting

[mical]

Would appreciate some advice. I thought I had a new friend at the office we would go to lunch often but lately I’m just working from home…

Today we had a meeting (4 of us in the call) and for the first minute or so my microphone didn’t work so when he said good morning to me I wasn’t able to say good morning back to him.

I signed out quick and joined and he must have thought I left and couldn’t hear what he was about to say about me to others in the call….

He was saying something about me but I just caught “I will NEVER say good morning to him ever again” in such an angry and hateful way..

Which really caught me by surprise. This coworker that seemed on great terms with me would just all of a sudden start talking like that to my boss and others on the call behind my back?

I guess it just caught me off guard. I’ll be honest though, I had a feeling he may have a crush on me (there are some other reasons as well) since he came up to me few weeks ago and wanted my Instagram and even came to my desk and asked me to enter directly in his phone, which was pretty weird for me to be honest….  🤷‍♂️
 

Should I just ignore and be neutral, maybe not go on lunch anymore with him since he always asked personal questions you would assume would be from a “friend” but I guess it’s obvious this isn’t the case?

I was almost thinking of going to the office tomorrow to try and resolve things just by saying when I arrive “hey good morning! Sorry I came across as rude yesterday, the microphone was off” then get to work..

or should I just be super neutral and focus just on my job? Realize I can’t really be friendly or trust the people I work with? I dunno 🤷‍♂️ 

thanks 

[DancingFool]

You were kind of lucky in that you got to see the real him so to speak. People like him are dangerous in that they smile in your face, act chummy, gather personal info about you and then will use all that to stab you in the back.

In your shoes, I'd be super polite to this person when you need to be and otherwise, avoid them like the plague. Also, be sure you are always covering your rear in terms of any communications between you regarding work - document, put it in e-mails, etc. Be super vigilant and bolster your boundaries with them.

My personal golden rule is to be friendly, but keep my personal life and real friendships separate from work. Not going to say that I haven't developed some good relationships over the years that have extended beyond work, but they are few and far apart and take a lot of time and vetting to know if people are being genuine or just career climbing/using you.

 

[mical]

Thanks a lot DancingFool, you always have such great advice.

yes he would always try and ask me about this one difficult coworker I wrote here a while ago about, but maybe was always trying to see if he could dig up any info to go and tell her…

Anyways, I’ll just be very careful and I’m very lucky I seen his true character. It was very shocking to be honest. 

Thanks once again 🙂

[Lambert]

Could he have been joking? 

I feel like we are all fairly familiar with the calls and the technology issues that happen. It's quite common for people to lose audio or visual and to disconnect and come back. 

Its seems rather irrational for him to react any other way.

I'd let it go. 

[Rose Mosse]

Don't bring it up and you don't have anything to apologize for. Remain polite only and keep your conversations limited to neutral or work-related topics. 

There is a possibility he was being sarcastic but still very unprofessional. If anything, it will reflect poorly on him. He will dig his own grave. Just let things be. 

If there are group lunches, enjoy the lunches with the group and talk to others. Avoid any one on one conversations with him and of course do not speak ill or gossip about other coworkers. 

[Jibralta]

3 hours ago, mical said:

He was saying something about me but I just caught “I will NEVER say good morning to him ever again” in such an angry and hateful way..

Are you 100% sure that he was talking about you? It seems like a very disproportionate reaction to someone's microphone not working, which happens all the time.

[East4]

Do not worry, he was embarrassing himself in front of your boss, by overreacting to something small like a lack of greeting.

His over the top reaction gives away somebody who is not indifferent to you...when one is indifferent to somebody, they cannot care less if they received a greeting or not.

So, indeed you may have a male admirer on your hands 🙂 

Another very plausible explanation is that currently the whole world is a little crazy: we are in our second year of pandemic. The other day we were chatting with a colleague how people have become on edge and irritable. The COVID is playing a number on everybody. Cut people and yourself some slack. 

[mical]

17 minutes ago, East4 said:

 

His over the top reaction gives away somebody who is not indifferent to you...when one is indifferent to somebody, they cannot care less if they received a greeting or not.

So, indeed you may have a male admirer on your hands 🙂 

 

I think you are right. Even two weeks ago he seemed upset because he asked if I wanted to go get some lunch and bring it to the office so I did and when we were walking towards the kitchen he seen his good girlfriend and went to her room..

I kinda didn’t wanna be awkward and invite myself there so kinda sneaked back to my desk to eat and then I hear him run into our room 5 minutes later and said -

“where did you go?!? Why didn’t you stay?! Oh my gosh!! I just told her we were all gonna have lunch together and you left!” 
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

When I said the mic wasn’t working he then said - “So what was it beer or wine you spilled on it?”  🤷‍♂️ 
 

So I think it’s a lose-lose situation for me regardless  I’ll just try to be super neutral (and boring) and focus on my work..  

 

 

[Jibralta]

Maybe he wasn't talking about you.

[mical]

2 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Maybe he wasn't talking about you.

there were only 4 of us and I was the only one who didn’t say good morning back. He specifically said good morning and said my name directly to me and then my name again in a bit of confused way and I signed off already by then … 

then I typed in the chat my mic isn’t working I guess and my boss said to him ok ok he just wrote in the chat … then I heard him say that 

[Jibralta]

Could he not have been talking about some other awkward good morning mishap-- having perhaps been reminded of it by today's mishap? How did the rest of the meeting go?

[Jibralta]

9 minutes ago, mical said:

hen I typed in the chat my mic isn’t working I guess and my boss said to him ok ok he just wrote in the chat … then I heard him say that 

I guess I'm having trouble imagining how someone can project rage and hate into a comment about good mornings without it being a joke.

[East4]

For some reason your colleague is very sensitive to what you do, even when your behavior has not been directed to him. 

You may wish to put some distance, unless you enjoy the attention and drama.

[mical]

Attention and drama are two things I try my best to stay away from. So I’ll keep the distance, thanks!

[Batya33]

Ugh -how annoying.  I am a big fan of finding close friends through work/at work as long as it is not your supervisor or someone you supervise -then I'd keep more of a professional distance (I originally met my husband at work and back then our hours were extremely high and unpredictable -there was little opportunity to meet people outside of work!).  This person seems like a loose cannon and I'd keep as distant as possible.  

[mical]

Interesting update - he gave his notice to resign this morning, so maybe just was not in best mood or true character showing 🤔 

[WildPump]

6 hours ago, mical said:

Would appreciate some advice. I thought I had a new friend at the office we would go to lunch often but lately I’m just working from home…

Today we had a meeting (4 of us in the call) and for the first minute or so my microphone didn’t work so when he said good morning to me I wasn’t able to say good morning back to him.

I signed out quick and joined and he must have thought I left and couldn’t hear what he was about to say about me to others in the call….

He was saying something about me but I just caught “I will NEVER say good morning to him ever again” in such an angry and hateful way..

Which really caught me by surprise. This coworker that seemed on great terms with me would just all of a sudden start talking like that to my boss and others on the call behind my back?

I guess it just caught me off guard. I’ll be honest though, I had a feeling he may have a crush on me (there are some other reasons as well) since he came up to me few weeks ago and wanted my Instagram and even came to my desk and asked me to enter directly in his phone, which was pretty weird for me to be honest….  🤷‍♂️
 

Should I just ignore and be neutral, maybe not go on lunch anymore with him since he always asked personal questions you would assume would be from a “friend” but I guess it’s obvious this isn’t the case?

I was almost thinking of going to the office tomorrow to try and resolve things just by saying when I arrive “hey good morning! Sorry I came across as rude yesterday, the microphone was off” then get to work..

or should I just be super neutral and focus just on my job? Realize I can’t really be friendly or trust the people I work with? I dunno 🤷‍♂️ 

thanks 

You are lucky to see ugly side of this person. Though he came back and apologized. You can patch things up

 

6 hours ago, mical said:

Would appreciate some advice. I thought I had a new friend at the office we would go to lunch often but lately I’m just working from home…

Today we had a meeting (4 of us in the call) and for the first minute or so my microphone didn’t work so when he said good morning to me I wasn’t able to say good morning back to him.

I signed out quick and joined and he must have thought I left and couldn’t hear what he was about to say about me to others in the call….

He was saying something about me but I just caught “I will NEVER say good morning to him ever again” in such an angry and hateful way..

Which really caught me by surprise. This coworker that seemed on great terms with me would just all of a sudden start talking like that to my boss and others on the call behind my back?

I guess it just caught me off guard. I’ll be honest though, I had a feeling he may have a crush on me (there are some other reasons as well) since he came up to me few weeks ago and wanted my Instagram and even came to my desk and asked me to enter directly in his phone, which was pretty weird for me to be honest….  🤷‍♂️
 

Should I just ignore and be neutral, maybe not go on lunch anymore with him since he always asked personal questions you would assume would be from a “friend” but I guess it’s obvious this isn’t the case?

I was almost thinking of going to the office tomorrow to try and resolve things just by saying when I arrive “hey good morning! Sorry I came across as rude yesterday, the microphone was off” then get to work..

or should I just be super neutral and focus just on my job? Realize I can’t really be friendly or trust the people I work with? I dunno 🤷‍♂️ 

thanks 

 Your lucky enough to see his ugly side. Patch things up and stay professional. He is one of the guys who can make your life a living hell. I had colleagues like him, apart from hello and goodbyes no other interactions and definitely no more lunches together with him.

[Jibralta]

Yikes! Very weird. At least you don't have to worry about him anymore. Hopefully!!

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, mical said:

Interesting update - he gave his notice to resign this morning, so maybe just was not in best mood or true character showing 🤔 

Wow! Sometimes life is fair 😉

[mical]

1 hour ago, Jibralta said:

Yikes! Very weird. At least you don't have to worry about him anymore. Hopefully!!

Haha yeah and he’s actually 10000 times nicer than the malignant narcissist at my work who now just sent me some bait trap questions again this morning   (it’s a typical thing from someone that is addicted to triggering people)
 

so I learned to respond as a boring neutral “gray rock” , never argue, never engage, just calm healthy demeanor 🙂 It’s such a repetitive and predictable thing, so it’s just relax, have a nice cup of tea, and be boring and neutral as humanly possible

learned a lot this year 😉

but thanks a lot for the advice it helps a lot 🙂

[boltnrun]

I used to work with someone (my supervisor!) who would "bait" me. She would say things like "OMG, N came over and brought her kid. I just wanted us to spend time together. Isn't that rude?" And I'd say something like "Her little girl looks just like her! It's uncanny!" She kept doing things like that and I never, not once, took the bait. It led me to believe she must not be very intelligent if she kept trying the same thing over and over with no success but yet wouldn't give up.

That's how I get through those kind of things...thinking "this person is not exactly Mensa Society material!"

[reinventmyself]

7 hours ago, mical said:

Interesting update - he gave his notice to resign this morning, so maybe just was not in best mood or true character showing 🤔 

ahhh. . Problem solved.

I catch myself making incorrect assumptions often.  It's something I am working on.

As I was reading this, I imagined myself playfully asking him (aka calling him out) "omg. . as I was signing off, still super frustrated that I have ongoing mic issues, I must be mistaken but it sounded like you said "I will never say hi to her again!"   And just see what he says.

I guess I am not recommending this.  But that's me.  Silence is also a great option

[mical]

29 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

. It led me to believe she must not be very intelligent if she kept trying the same thing over and over with no success but yet wouldn't give up.

That's how I get through those kind of things...thinking "this person is not exactly Mensa Society material!"

Oh I know!! That’s pretty funny because I noticed the exact same thing!

I luckily don’t hear so much from this person but as soon as I seen a message in our teams chat ending with a question mark, I KNEW this was a trap 😀 

It’s actually not a very intelligent approach I must say, since it’s so obvious and repetitive. 
 

I just ignored, made a tea, took a slightly longer than usual break, and my coworker fell for the “bait” this time 🤣

Funny.. 

[boltnrun]

3 minutes ago, mical said:

Oh I know!! That’s pretty funny because I noticed the exact same thing!

I luckily don’t hear so much from this person but as soon as I seen a message in our teams chat ending with a question mark, I KNEW this was a trap 😀 

It’s actually not very intelligent approach I must say, since it’s so obvious and repetitive. 
 

I just ignored, made a tea, took a little break and my coworker fell for the “bait” this time 🤣

Funny.. 

Yeah, I knew my supervisor was hoping I'd say something negative about N so she could run to her and say "OMG, you won't believe what Boltnrun said about you and your kid!!" Completely leaving out the part where she baited me.

I've worked with insecure sh*t stirrers before. Yawn.

[mical]

13 minutes ago, reinventmyself said:

ahhh. . Problem solved.

I catch myself making incorrect assumptions often.  It's something I am working on.

As I was reading this, I imagined myself playfully asking him (aka calling him out) "omg. . as I was signing off, still super frustrated that I have ongoing mic issues, I must be mistaken but it sounded like you said "I will never say hi to her again!"   And just see what he says.

I guess I am not recommending this.  But that's me.  Silence is also a great option

Oh that’s a good one! 😂 I can now imagine saying  “You know, must be my hearing, but I could of swore I heard someone say they’d never say hi to me, but what a ridiculous and silly thing for someone to say,  maybe I should get my ears checked!”

But yes, silence (and being boring) is probably best