I hate that one piece of paper is causing me this much anxiety.

[Cynder]

20 minutes ago, junebug123 said:

Yeah, I feel you on this. First off I just want to say, that just because you have a clinical diagnosis doesn’t mean that the issue is unresolvable in terms of the thinking and obsessive thoughts.

I struggle with something similar and in many ways it’s easy to entertain ideas that allow you to engage in this type of behavior. Really this situation with the tax forms is just a catalyst for you to engage in a behavior which regulates your nervous system.

Ive often wondered how to retrain my brain to create new neural pathways in order for me to create healthy habits, that help me cope with stress and fear. Oftentimes the best place to start with is recognizing the stimuli. 

In this situation recognizing that the tax form from your ex was going to trigger one of these episodes could have prepared you for what would follow next. The more you learn to recognize the triggers and abstain from engaging in the behaviors, the easier it will be to break the habits.

Good luck man, I wish you the best.

I really hope this doesn't get me in trouble on here.  But one thing that helped me a lot as far as creating new neural pathways was psychedelics.  I'm not saying everyone with anxiety and/or OCD should go and use them.  But I know they made a huge difference for me.  My OCD used to be a lot worse.  I'm really glad to see that more research is being done on their benefits in the mental health industry. 

[junebug123]

7 minutes ago, Cynder said:

I really hope this doesn't get me in trouble on here.  But one thing that helped me a lot as far as creating new neural pathways was psychedelics.  I'm not saying everyone with anxiety and/or OCD should go and use them.  But I know they made a huge difference for me.  My OCD used to be a lot worse.  I'm really glad to see that more research is being done on their benefits in the mental health industry. 

Yeah, sorry for misgendering you. I edited the comment but, didn’t realize until later since the thread was long when I got to it.

I have found similar experiences with um marijuana or just having a bad hungover.

What I’ve noticed is that substances alter your emotional/physiological state in a way that allows you to perceive events that transpired or will transpire differently.

Through this lens we are able to obtain insight into a situation that we wouldn’t previously had due to our inherit biases. See the thing is that I noticed is that once you become comfortable in a certain emotional state it becomes very very difficult to abstain from something that feels extremely familiar to you.

The tricky part is of course recognizing the emotional state and understanding the attraction to it. For me I noticed that me my depression is largely due to an inherit belief that I should be more then what I currently am.

It’s sort of a feeling of being constantly unfulfilled, the fear lies in the belief that being satisfied with my current or previous situation will lead me into a life of mediocrity.

By simply overcoming this fear I can find joy and happiness in the simpler things. Yet, I’ve been conditioned for so many years through abusive parenting that it becomes a pattern in my mind. Like a wind that never stops bellowing. 

Sometimes I think that anxiety and fear are coping mechanisms for dealing with boredom. Yet, perceiving the passing of time through this negative lens leads to boredom, not tranquility which is what most people aspire to feel.

[Wiseman2]

The problem with ayahuasca and drinking wine and all the mix and match stuff is that it's not working for you. You claim it's better but a mail piece causes a meltdown?

The issue is not the promising research on psychedelics. The problem is it's not only not working for you but inhibiting more evidence based and effective treatment as well as your mix and match approach doing more harm than good.

[Caesar45]

As a person who is also diagnosed and suffering from OCD + Anxiety for 7 years I can understand you really well.

Our situation looks really weird for the people outside because we are fully aware of the fact that obbsesing about anything is harmful for us. Yet we also cant stop doing it. Its like monster waiting in the dark ready to jump at us at random moments or the moment of weakness.

Stay strong my friend and keep yourself busy remember your past experiences with the OCD it only gets worse if you feed it and it gets better only if you starve it and by meaning starve well even thinking about certain memory can cause you stay in the loop.

So break the loop break any pattern which may lead you to OCD thoughts I know its easy to say and hard to do but these words are coming from a person who suffers on the same level as you do because of a ex girlfriend story.

So stay stong and feel free to reply to me if you want we gotta help each other right.

[SooSad33]

13 hours ago, Cynder said:

My nephew is my little sunshine.  My relationship with him was one of the few things that kept me going through all of this.  Because after she left, my life fell apart.  I lost my job that I had been at 11 years.  This was really sudden and it wasn't my fault.  Then I got another job I really liked, worked there a short time and was told they are eliminating my position.  I also had a pet die.  I had a long time friend flip out and start harassing me.  He had some beef with my roommate and decided to take it out on me, too.   I had a huge health scare.  I got a staph infection and when I was recovered from that I got the flu.  And then she came back into my life right after all of that. 

Wow, so you have been through a lot 😕 .  Sorry for your struggles... then a relationship issue and a toxic roommate.

Sounds like a whole lot of negative hitting within a short time.  Maybe you can consider some therapy?  I've been there a few times, it does help.  I feel it would benefit you to some degree, with all you've got going on?

Is your friend at least calmed down at all and talking with you now?  Isn't nice to have a friend flipping out at you over your roommate.

Yup, what sucks in this as well, is if she goes, your nephew goes too 😕 .  

Are you presently looking for a job again?

I see it all as it would be great if/when all settles down a bit for you, of course. And darn it, that you got stuck with such an unstable roommate!

* Just read about your contact, so you will see her shortly... I guess it has to be done. Just keep saying, on your way & when you arrive ' I can do this'. ( I've done this countless times, lol).

Keep us informed on how it goes for you... and as I said, it will be a little less stressful once this is just done , so it won't be weighing on your shoulders 😉 .

And sorry for your loss of pet.. yes, loss hurts ❤️ 

[MissCanuck]

Ask to give the letter to a trustworthy coworker so you don't need to see her at all. That person can take it from you and give it to her. 

There are so many ways you can easily avoid any face-to-face encounter with her. 

Problem solved. 

[Cynder]

20 hours ago, junebug123 said:

Yeah, sorry for misgendering you. I edited the comment but, didn’t realize until later since the thread was long when I got to it.

I have found similar experiences with um marijuana or just having a bad hungover.

What I’ve noticed is that substances alter your emotional/physiological state in a way that allows you to perceive events that transpired or will transpire differently.

Through this lens we are able to obtain insight into a situation that we wouldn’t previously had due to our inherit biases. See the thing is that I noticed is that once you become comfortable in a certain emotional state it becomes very very difficult to abstain from something that feels extremely familiar to you.

The tricky part is of course recognizing the emotional state and understanding the attraction to it. For me I noticed that me my depression is largely due to an inherit belief that I should be more then what I currently am.

It’s sort of a feeling of being constantly unfulfilled, the fear lies in the belief that being satisfied with my current or previous situation will lead me into a life of mediocrity.

By simply overcoming this fear I can find joy and happiness in the simpler things. Yet, I’ve been conditioned for so many years through abusive parenting that it becomes a pattern in my mind. Like a wind that never stops bellowing. 

Sometimes I think that anxiety and fear are coping mechanisms for dealing with boredom. Yet, perceiving the passing of time through this negative lens leads to boredom, not tranquility which is what most people aspire to feel.

I'm of the opinion that if someone has a mental illness they should do what help.  There is no universal cure for mental problems.  If therapy helps, go to therapy.  If meds help, take meds.  If meditation helps, meditate.  If eating healthy and working out helps, eat healthy and work out.  If certain other substances help, then use them.  I do all of these things and they all help in different ways. 

There are a lot of days when I am completely fine.  I've gotten to the point now where every single day isn't a battle like it used to be.  But OCD doesn't just go away. 

One of my biggest things was convincing myself that I actually do matter and that I actually am important.  I was the scapegoat in my family.  Both my parents blamed me for ruining their lives because I was an accident.  And every single thing that went wrong in my house ever growing up was somehow my fault.  And if I had an opinion, it was the wrong opinion.  18 years of that can really destroy a person's confidence. 

There's nothing wrong with being satisfied with your current situation.  I can understand wanting to be better, but there's nothing wrong with just giving yourself time to just be, and worry about being better at other times.  (I don't really like using the word worry here, but you know what I mean, I'm sure.  I'm glad you overcame it though. 

[Cynder]

9 hours ago, Caesar45 said:

As a person who is also diagnosed and suffering from OCD + Anxiety for 7 years I can understand you really well.

Our situation looks really weird for the people outside because we are fully aware of the fact that obbsesing about anything is harmful for us. Yet we also cant stop doing it. Its like monster waiting in the dark ready to jump at us at random moments or the moment of weakness.

Stay strong my friend and keep yourself busy remember your past experiences with the OCD it only gets worse if you feed it and it gets better only if you starve it and by meaning starve well even thinking about certain memory can cause you stay in the loop.

So break the loop break any pattern which may lead you to OCD thoughts I know its easy to say and hard to do but these words are coming from a person who suffers on the same level as you do because of a ex girlfriend story.

So stay stong and feel free to reply to me if you want we gotta help each other right.

Yep... I've told people in the past that it really sucks being both crazy and self aware enough to know you're crazy, lol.  I know that a lot of my obsessions and behaviors make zero rational sense.  So why can't I just stop?  Well, I don't know and that's why I have a therapist to help me figure those things out. 

One thing that has helped a lot is to turn some of the thoughts into comedy.  I write a lot too and a lot of my stories focus heavily on mental illness.  Even though it's fiction there is still something therapeutic in it. 

Feel free to message me any time.  It's always nice meeting people who actually get it. 

[junebug123]

1 hour ago, Cynder said:

There are a lot of days when I am completely fine.  I've gotten to the point now where every single day isn't a battle like it used to be.  But OCD doesn't just go away. 

I mean I have like Aspergers. I understand what it means to have different brain chemistry then the average person. 

Im not sure if you gathered what I meant when I wrote that post. Of course my brain is not going to operate like the average persons. I’m going to obsess and fixate on things, my eyes and hearing are more sensitive, I get quickly overwhelmed in crowds and it’s very difficult for me to adapt to new circumstances, so much so that if I’m in a ***ty situation I would prefer to stay in that situation for years rather then break my routine.

This doesn’t mean that by recognizing these patterns, I can understand what my natural inclination is and modify my behavior. I feel like this is a very big problem with western philosophy, they are always thinking in these sort of dichotomies, where everything has to be oppositional.

People aren’t just one way or the other, there are extremes in every situation. The idea behind therapy is using the guidance of an expert to become better acquainted with your internal thoughts and can contradict them.

Also, I’m not trying to place blame either. My mother never believed that I was on the spectrum so I was always trashed for not being normal. Choosing to say inside more instead of playing sports, or going out on dates, or doing things that normal kids do.

I know how it feel to be judged for something you can’t control. I’m just saying that as adults, we can try to make our lives better if we can first believe that we are capable of changing. 

[Cynder]

10 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

Wow, so you have been through a lot 😕 .  Sorry for your struggles... then a relationship issue and a toxic roommate.

Sounds like a whole lot of negative hitting within a short time.  Maybe you can consider some therapy?  I've been there a few times, it does help.  I feel it would benefit you to some degree, with all you've got going on?

Is your friend at least calmed down at all and talking with you now?  Isn't nice to have a friend flipping out at you over your roommate.

Yup, what sucks in this as well, is if she goes, your nephew goes too 😕 .  

Are you presently looking for a job again?

I see it all as it would be great if/when all settles down a bit for you, of course. And darn it, that you got stuck with such an unstable roommate!

* Just read about your contact, so you will see her shortly... I guess it has to be done. Just keep saying, on your way & when you arrive ' I can do this'. ( I've done this countless times, lol).

Keep us informed on how it goes for you... and as I said, it will be a little less stressful once this is just done , so it won't be weighing on your shoulders 😉 .

And sorry for your loss of pet.. yes, loss hurts ❤️ 

The whole situation with my friend and I... I still haven't figured that out.  I blocked him, so if his feelings have changed he can't really tell me at the moment.  I mean, this guy was posting on Facebook using my real name and saying he wishes I was dead, etc.  And I still have no clue why.  He was basically cheating on his wife with my roommate for a while.  Idk if it has something to do with that or what. 

I'm working full time right now in a health club. I really like it there and there are a lot of perks to the job.  I work over night when the place is practically empty.  I get to work out on the clock, etc.  And this is allowed.  My manager tans on the clock all the time.  I was told I can do it as long as I get the cleaning done that they ask me to do.  I also get free massages. 

The loss of a pet is a whole different kind of grief.  And she was almost 20 years old.  My ex was attached to her too.

I will keep everyone informed.  There will be an update tomorrow, I'm sure. 

[Cynder]

7 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Ask to give the letter to a trustworthy coworker so you don't need to see her at all. That person can take it from you and give it to her. 

There are so many ways you can easily avoid any face-to-face encounter with her. 

Problem solved. 

I'm taking it to her at work tomorrow.  There was an update a few posts back. 

[SooSad33]

Wow, for a friend to talk like that? 😕 .. that's nasty. Hopefully, in time you'll figure out what that's all about.. that or just avoid him all together! 

Good on you that you've got a decent job & that you enjoy it.

Yes.. having a pet for so long, is just like family... maybe, in time consider a new pet? ❤️ 

Good luck.

 

[MissCanuck]

3 hours ago, Cynder said:

I'm taking it to her at work tomorrow.  There was an update a few posts back. 

Yes, I know. I read it. 

What I'm suggesting is that you don't meet her when you go there. Ask her to send out a coworker she trusts, so you can pass off the letter to that person, and they can give it to her. 

You don't have to see your ex at all.

[Caesar45]

9 hours ago, Cynder said:

Yep... I've told people in the past that it really sucks being both crazy and self aware enough to know you're crazy, lol.  I know that a lot of my obsessions and behaviors make zero rational sense.  So why can't I just stop?  Well, I don't know and that's why I have a therapist to help me figure those things out. 

One thing that has helped a lot is to turn some of the thoughts into comedy.  I write a lot too and a lot of my stories focus heavily on mental illness.  Even though it's fiction there is still something therapeutic in it. 

Feel free to message me any time.  It's always nice meeting people who actually get it. 

I told you I can understrand you cause I suffer from the same problem and you are right its like beign sane and crazy at the same time.

Or its like a drug addiction especially if its pointed towards a person. Now I want to ask you a question all those drug addicts out there do you think that they dont know how much harmful for their health when they use cocaine or heroin or something. Of course they do but they just cant stop it.

Ours is kinda same but we dont have an external chemical instead we have this thoughts in our head. Still our cure is same as the real drug addicts.

Now what would a real drug addict must to in order to stop using. Cut contanct with the friends who also use or remind you the drug. Don listen the same songs or do the activities you do after you used the drug. Stay away from the places where you have used or can remind you the drug and most imporatly stay away from the drug dealer at all cost.

Put this into work for yourlife. You are obsessing for this girl well cut contact with mutual friends as much as possible, stay away from the restorants and places you have visited. Do not listen the same songs and look at the objects which can remind you of her (the paper) and most imporatntly stay away from the drug dealer = the ex girlfriend.

Here my friend these are the words of my doctor and it works. I mean it works unless I obey it of course the moment I break it OCD comes back. Also dont look for a way for hapiness have you ever seen drug addict live happly ever after?

Here is your answer the answer which was given to me by my doctor it hurts I know but its true OCD gives birth to psycological addiciton and this never ends well.

[Cynder]

6 hours ago, Caesar45 said:

I told you I can understrand you cause I suffer from the same problem and you are right its like beign sane and crazy at the same time.

Or its like a drug addiction especially if its pointed towards a person. Now I want to ask you a question all those drug addicts out there do you think that they dont know how much harmful for their health when they use cocaine or heroin or something. Of course they do but they just cant stop it.

Ours is kinda same but we dont have an external chemical instead we have this thoughts in our head. Still our cure is same as the real drug addicts.

Now what would a real drug addict must to in order to stop using. Cut contanct with the friends who also use or remind you the drug. Don listen the same songs or do the activities you do after you used the drug. Stay away from the places where you have used or can remind you the drug and most imporatly stay away from the drug dealer at all cost.

Put this into work for yourlife. You are obsessing for this girl well cut contact with mutual friends as much as possible, stay away from the restorants and places you have visited. Do not listen the same songs and look at the objects which can remind you of her (the paper) and most imporatntly stay away from the drug dealer = the ex girlfriend.

Here my friend these are the words of my doctor and it works. I mean it works unless I obey it of course the moment I break it OCD comes back. Also dont look for a way for hapiness have you ever seen drug addict live happly ever after?

Here is your answer the answer which was given to me by my doctor it hurts I know but its true OCD gives birth to psycological addiciton and this never ends well.

I see the reasoning here, but for some people/situations that just isn't realistic.  For me to do what you are suggesting I would have to cut contact with mostly everyone I know, sell my house and move somewhere far away.  That's just not an option. 

And there are still mutual feelings between her and I and there is still hope of working things out.  I mean, we were planning on getting married and having a future together.  If that's still a possibility I'm not going to throw it away. 

Everyone I love could trigger my OCD at any time.  I won't just cut contact with everyone I love.  I have to just learn to cope and live with it. 

[Cynder]

12 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Yes, I know. I read it. 

What I'm suggesting is that you don't meet her when you go there. Ask her to send out a coworker she trusts, so you can pass off the letter to that person, and they can give it to her. 

You don't have to see your ex at all.

I don't see why so many people on this forum are so against any contact with an ex, ever.  I've been here off and on since 2004.  It's something I've always noticed. 

People do break up and get back together.  It happens all the time.  People also become friends with their exes.  Idk, just because two people dated and it didn't work out that doesn't mean that one of them is evil. 

In my case, this relationship didn't end because of bad treatment.  It ended because of mental health issues, which we are both working on.  If there's hope of working things out, I don't see why that's such a bad thing.  There are still feelings between us. 

[MissCanuck]

2 minutes ago, Cynder said:

I don't see why so many people on this forum are so against any contact with an ex,

Because your own words below suggest it's not a good idea for you:

On 1/26/2022 at 8:47 AM, Cynder said:

My biggest worry is that I will just break down crying and make an ass of myself.  

You're not in any position yet to be friends with her, and clearly seeing her will be difficult for you. 

That's why I think personally delivering this letter to her is not wise. 

 

[Cynder]

5 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Because your own words below suggest it's not a good idea for you:

You're not in any position yet to be friends with her, and clearly seeing her will be difficult for you. 

That's why I think personally delivering this letter to her is not wise. 

 

Well, I contacted her and this is what we decided on.  I don't always get to have things my way.  She wanted to come to my house and pick it up but I told her no.  I'm taking it to her at work so if I do feel like I'm going to get emotional I can just make it fast and leave. 

People seem to be missing the point to this thread entirely...  I wasn't even asking what to do with the form.  I already figured that out before I even posted. 

Yep, and now everyone can tell me how I'm trying to control the replies and control the narrative, etc. 

[MissCanuck]

7 minutes ago, Cynder said:

 People seem to be missing the point to this thread entirely...  

That would suggest that your posts could use some more clarity, then.  

What is it you were seeking advice about in this thread? How to deal with your anxiety about seeing her, or? 

[Cynder]

On 1/25/2022 at 8:36 PM, Cynder said:

This post is more about coping with the obsessive thoughts and the anxiety this is causing me than it is about what to do with the actual form. I don't need 57 replies from people telling me I have to give it to her/tell her I have it.  I already know that.  What I will most likely do is message her and tell her "Have, I got one of your W2s in the mail.  Let me know when you need it and I'll get it to you."  That way she calls the shots. 

 

 

16 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

That would suggest that your posts could use some more clarity, then.  

What is it you were seeking advice about in this thread? How to deal with your anxiety about seeing her, or? 

The first block of text is taken right from my original post.  I'm really not sure how much clearer I could have been.  Yes, how to deal with the anxiety.  It's really clear a lot of people didn't read my post that carefully.  I pretty much knew what I was going to do with the form before I even posted this, and that's exactly what I did. 

[MissCanuck]

19 minutes ago, Cynder said:

 

 It's really clear a lot of people didn't read my post that carefully.  

I think most of us read it perfectly fine. 

The issue is that the course of action you've decided on (or agreed to) is causing you more anxiety. Thus, many of us are suggesting a different course of action so that you can alleviate the anxiety you're struggling with. 

It's very simple: If XYZ is causing you strife, don't do XYZ. Try ABC instead. XYZ is counter-productive to managing your anxiety. If you're engagng in anxiety-inducing behaviour, of course people are going to offer alternatives so you don't put yourself in a bad spot to begin with.

So, people are not missing the point of your thead at all. You're simply missing the point of the advice being suggested. 

[Cynder]

6 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

I think most of us read it perfectly fine. 

The issue is that the course of action you've decided on (or agreed to) is causing you more anxiety. Thus, many of us are suggesting a different course of action so that you can alleviate the anxiety you're struggling with. 

It's very simple: If XYZ is causing you strife, don't do XYZ. Try ABC instead. XYZ is counter-productive to managing your anxiety. If you're engagng in anxiety-inducing behaviour, of course people are going to offer alternatives so you don't put yourself in a bad spot to begin with.

So, people are not missing the point of your thead at all. You're simply missing the point of the advice being suggested. 

So first it was that I just wasn't clear enough when I posted.  Now it's that I chose to do the wrong thing.  Alrighty, lol. 

[Caesar45]

1 hour ago, Cynder said:

I see the reasoning here, but for some people/situations that just isn't realistic.  For me to do what you are suggesting I would have to cut contact with mostly everyone I know, sell my house and move somewhere far away.  That's just not an option. 

And there are still mutual feelings between her and I and there is still hope of working things out.  I mean, we were planning on getting married and having a future together.  If that's still a possibility I'm not going to throw it away. 

Everyone I love could trigger my OCD at any time.  I won't just cut contact with everyone I love.  I have to just learn to cope and live with it. 

Well if thats the case than oke. But you can still treat this in a smiliar manner OCD causes addictions psycological addictions these recurring tgoughts about that girl same as that.

I am a smoking addict and I smoke pack of cigarettes everyday if I quit now. For a week maybe two I will be thinking about smoking probably all day long my brain and my body may react to the non existance of nicotine a chemical that I am addicted. Well this is exactly same with OCD - addiction in psycology thats called withrawal symtoms and its worse especially if you have been exposed to your addiction very soon.

Now I dont know if you will get married with this women I hope that you can do it. If you really want to be sure about this you can make this test.

Imagine a time when she is super intrested in you like texting you calling you wants to see you etc. By the way I am not talking about some fantasy a real time maybe in past I dont know when this kind of intrest comes from the person we love for a short period of time we usually dont feel any kind of OCD or Anxiety after all your addiction is satisfied for the moment. Its like a smoking addict finishing his cigarate he/she satisfied for a time beign think about this does it fits you?

Let me give you another example it has been 5 days since I havent spoken with my ex. She only gives me pain and nothing else my story is much worse than yours. So how was that six day well I kinda thought about her sometimes but in general it was peaceful if I compare to the last week when she was active in my life.Its always like that with her couple weeks of hapiness and months of misery.

Due to the reason that I am starving my OCD from its very own source atm my subconsciousness is kinda going crazy. Yesterday and also today ( I just woke up from a 2 hour long nap) I have seen her in my dreams. In the past I looked for a meaning in these dreams but right now I know they are the product of withrawal symtoms which I have to fight aganist.

Is it familiar with you think about this two examples I gave you do you react in a same way?

[DancingFool]

On 1/26/2022 at 3:01 PM, Cynder said:

That's exactly what I plan on doing.  I'm just waiting till I see her online to message her. 

This post wasn't even asking about what to do with the form.  I pretty much decided what to do with it before I even wrote this.  It was more about dealing with the anxiety it was causing. 

Right and I get that. Thing about the kind of anxiety that you are having is that taking action sooner rather than later helps you stem the growing tide of anxiety. There isn't a person alive who hasn't experienced, what I call, anticipation anxiety. Whatever you may be anticipating, the longer you sit on it and focus on what the if's, the worse and more crippling it gets. What matters is that you jump into action so you don't become completely overwhelmed with that anticipation anxiety.

Think of it like a dam is holding your emotions in check. Anticipation anxiety is like a crack in that dam. If you leap into action and patch up the crack, the dam will hold. However, if you do nothing and just watch the crack, it will grow bigger and bigger until the dam bursts. That will be the overwhelming, crippling emotions carrying you away while you become completely out of control of what is happening. Just swept away with force. The point is to act quickly before it gets that far. I know it's not easy. Nothing good ever is.

Not sure if I'm making sense or not, but what I'm trying to say is that before things spin out of control and become too much, there is that moment where you can plug it and regain control. Also, don't let a diagnosis control you. Other way around, use that awareness as a tool to stop yourself.

 

[Cynder]

So, I got back an hour ago.  I've been painting with my nephew, but he is off doing other things right now, so here is what happened. 

She works at a gas station.  It was busy when I walked in.  About 5 people in line.  Well, the guy she was working with checked me out.  and as I was checking out she finished up with her customer and when I was using my credit card she was just staring me down.  She finally said, "I really like your hair."  My hair is currently purple.  Last time she saw me it was green.  I smiled and thanked her while finishing my transaction. 

Then when I was done I gave her the form and we stood there and talked for a little bit.  I am not always the most tactful person and I don't always think as much as I should before I speak.  I'm sure I will get judged for this but before leaving I asked if I could hug her goodbye.  She suddenly got really enthusiastic and practically ran out from behind the counter.   We hugged and said our goodbies and I left. 

Then I realized I forgot to get a bag of ice, which was one of the main things I planned to get when I was in there.  So I went back in and told her I forgot I needed a bag of ice.  And then I made some joking comment about her getting to see my beautiful face again.  She laughed.  Then when I was running my card she said "declined." but to me it sounded like she said be kind.  So we kinda joked around about that for a minute too.  (My card wasn't actually declined.  She was just being funny.)

So then I left and was on my way. 

We are still just as comfortable with each other as we always were.  Idk... I feel good about how things went.