I lost my parent when I was teenager...

[cintaku]

I just want to share and need some vent. Do you think this will affect my emotional/anger?

 

*my childhood life story*

My mom pas away when I was 13 yrs and my dad too before I finish my high school. Since that time I just live with my youngger sister were other bro and sis live at different city. Even they support send us money to support our living but we need their love and comfort too. We had other relative live close by but we're live by our own. Sometime the relatives come by and to tell us that our grass need to be cut and flower need to be maintain. That's hard for me and my sister control all together.. school, cloths, the bills and also take care the house.

Manage our money and prepare they food or buy them and sometime I just split they money with my sister. So, she could buy the food she want it and what I want too.

About money and food is not really the issue between me and my sister but emotion of lost parent that sometime hard for us handling.

Most of the time I had to hide my sad feeling to help my sister ....try to be a big sister were inside I am really lonely and sad too.

This life going on till I finish my high school then move to the city and live with my brother and sister.

 

They send me to school to get some skill so I could get job too, they also teach me how to be tough and independent to live in the big city.

As emotionally I am still not let go the feeling sad of lost my parent yet, were sometime that feel come and go.

Until I had a boyfriend and share my though and feel with him and I think that help a little bit. Generally I am a happy gal...funny goofy outside.

 

Now, I am in middle 30 and my husband lates 40 was the only child and he has difficult to express his emotion/affection.

I am the person that already been learned to be tough and independent and my husband kinda spoil not fast learn still don't what he should do even his already graduated from college.

Even, I moved from small country to this country by after3 weeks I live here I already start working.

 

I still problem to comfort myself when I miss my parent during hard time in my married because sometime hard to compromise between us ... both still need attention like kids he he.....

I am a good disiplin and independent while his opposites, this become problem because now we have kid 4 yrs now.

 

Anyone could help me what should I do to help me and my husband?

 

1. How to respect each other

2. How let/tell my husband just to spen money to primary first without sound instruction?

3. I try to disiplin my kid and he follow while I am around only. This is not because his bad dad but his easy to forget. Or busy watching TV and just let my kid flay with her food/drink because his not notice it.

 

I know that his not a bad dad but sometime he make wrong choice.

[DN]

I am sorry you had such a difficult time as a teenager, it must have been very hard for you.

 

Remember that your child is not just yours but also your husband's. He may parent in a different way to you but it is not necessarily wrong. The choices he makes may not be the ones you may make but if your child is not in danger, you should relax a little more. Remember that you are not in charge, he has his part to play as well and doesn't have to be as you want.

 

Money issues should be handled together. Both of you should work out a budget for food, clothing rent/mortgage etc., and other necessities. Some should be put aside for emergencies and savings, vacations and other pleasures. You should also both have an amount of money that is yours to spend as you like without disapproval from the other.

 

Learn to communicate by negotiation and compromise. Things don't have to be done all your way or all his way. When you have a disagreement try to talk calmly without anger and really listen to each other and try to understand the other person's point of view.