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Feelings for a married man


Katlibra
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Hi all, about two years ago I started talking to a man I met online. He stated from the start that he was unhappily married. I never really have his marital status much thought as all we did was talk. Recently however he has started visiting  me in my house. We get on really well & the sexual chemistry is crazy but I will go for days without hearing from him, then he'll message saying he was with his family. He lives about half an hour away from me but his sister lives very close to me. The only time I actually see him is when he comes in to see his sister & has 15 minute to spare, as if his wife times him. I've not heard from him now in a few days & I've realised I've definitely developed feelings for someone who is unavailable to me. Two years later & I don't even know his second name. He messaged me last week ,h when I saw the message I caught myself saying 'oh my man has messaged me'  but he isn't my man, is he? I think he is just looking for a thrill outside his marriage  & I'm just fooling myself, what do you all think?  

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You are being foolish.  He's married, you know that, he's getting some sort of thrill seeing you for 15 mins when he visits his sister.  This is not any sort of relationship, it's torture for you!  He is NOT your man.  He never was.  You need to tell him to quit coming around and then block and delete him from your phone and social media so he cant contact you.  Get out there in the real world and find a man who is actually available as he is not.

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1 hour ago, Katlibra said:

I think he is just looking for a thrill outside his marriage  & I'm just fooling myself, what do you all think?  

I think you're correct, but can you admit that to yourself?   Also, they're all "unhappily married".  This excuse is classic, and nothing new.

He'll never leave his wife, he'll continue to use you as a side dish as long as you allow it.  Can you live with that title?

This will not end well.  You can do better.

 

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4 hours ago, Katlibra said:

  I think he is just looking for a thrill outside his marriage  & I'm just fooling myself

Sorry this happened. Are you lonely? You seem to have good insight into this.

Why cheat yourself out of a real relationship, if that's what you want?

He has an entire life outside of you. His cover story is visiting his sister.

He's treating you like a free escort service. Obviously he doesn't care about you, he cares about not losing his family.

The sooner you cut this cheating clown out of your life, the happier you will be. You'll be free to meet and date decent single men with integrity.

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No, he’s definitely not your man. 

You’re someone he has sex with outside his marriage. That’s it. 

So, yes, I’d say you’re fooling yourself if you think this will ever go anywhere or that you mean something to him. It’s just sex. 

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On 1/21/2022 at 8:51 PM, Katlibra said:

He stated from the start that he was unhappily married.

The key word is 'married.' 

The problem with allowing yourself to become so jaded that you don't hold respect for loyalty between partners, is that you won't be able to expect or trust loyalty from anyone in your OWN life, either.

Is that really how you want your future to play out?

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You already know all you need to know but you simply are ignoring the inconvenient truth. 

First he is married and unhappy or not he is married.  Chances are his wife has no idea he is unhappy since their marriage is probably fine but he wants a side chick. Since he has his family and a side chick for sex only I am sure he is far from unhappy.

Enter you.  You have been his sex toy for two years and you mean no more to him than the 15 minutes he gets to use you for sex once in a while when he can sneak away.  If you are okay with being a F buddy with a married man then keep on doing what you are doing but if you want any type of relationship in your life a cheater and liar is not a good choice for a partner.

 You have a choice but one of them is not having a proper relationship with this guy.  Dump him or keep on being his standby sex mistress.

 Lost

 

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It's easy to have feelings for someone who is married to someone else and sees you for a quickie.  Please stop lying to yourself and being involved in his cheating.  I remember many years ago my then friend had an affair with a married man.  On and off for a year or so.  They were back on briefly and had sex.  A week or so later his wife found him dead from suicide.  My friend commented that his wife was a reason for his suicide.  So disgusting of her. 

But she had to live with this and she had worked with him so she was able to attend the funeral but of course she meant NOTHING as far as receiving condolences because he was married.  And obviously unstable and depressed.  Can you imagine if you're part of breaking up his marriage -does he have children? - and you will wonder if you were part of the reason for causing pain? Or let's say if you actually date someone available and marry the person -would it be ok for him to cheat on you?  

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I don’t think the OP has crossed the physical line with him. I think hey are having an emotional affair and she is just now beginning to realise (or allow herself to really admit to herself) that it is not appropriate because he IS married. But, it has always been inappropriate, regardless of the fact that he made a disclaimer at the beginning of the “friendship” about being married. That he felt the need to go out of his way to say it openly (rather than his wife coming up in conversation naturally) demonstrates that the intended nature of this relationship was not above board from the beginning. 

OP, stay away from him and block and delete him from contacting you. Don’t open the door to him when he visits. Focus on finding someone available and decent.

Edited by LotusBlack
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