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I think she is the one but she doesn’t want me back


Erik2022
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I’m a 22 year old male. My first real relationship began 2 years ago right before covid. I fell for her hard and fast. One moment I couldn’t wait to leave the school I was attending and leave the state, and the next thing I knew I couldn’t get enough time around her. She truly changed my outlook on life. Due to covid, our relationship progressed very quickly, but this was never an issue and it felt so right. 
 

However, by about the 12-18 month mark things began to get more difficult as we had slightly different ideas of where we wanted to be, and I had unanswered questions about how I felt about forever with her since she was my first love, first time, first real relationship. 2.5 months ago I broke things off and said I didn’t think we were moving in the same direction. She was devastated…but so was I. 
 

I spent two months just reflecting on our relationship and how much she meant to me. I finally decided I had to say something so I brought her dinner and wrote a letter explaining how I felt, asking if we could sit down and talk about trying again. I told her I thought she was the one. She texted me that night and said she didn’t love me anymore and didn’t want to try again. I am just confused on where to go now. Does she really feel that way, or do we both need more time apart? I am miserable without her.

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4 hours ago, Erik2022 said:

 . 2.5 months ago I broke things off and said I didn’t think we were moving in the same direction. She was devastated…but so was I.

Sorry this happened. What was the breakup about? What do you mean by "different directions?

Were you incompatible? Were there arguments?

It's ok to feel sad when a relationship ends. But when you dump someone you can't just change your mind again and expect them to take you back.

On/off relationships stall people out. They're fraught with headaches and heartaches and drama.

She is right not to risk things again. She's not there to comfort someone who threw her away like trash.

It's a lesson in either working things out or deciding things won't work out. 

Step back and reflect on what you want in a relationship and a GF.

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4 hours ago, Erik2022 said:

She texted me that night and said she didn’t love me anymore and didn’t want to try again. I am just confused on where to go now. Does she really feel that way, or do we both need more time apart?

Yes, she really feels that way. 

I'm sorry OP, but this one is done. She has apparently moved on and isn't interested in trying again. 

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10 hours ago, Erik2022 said:

Does she really feel that way, or do we both need more time apart?

If she says she doesnt want to try again, she doesnt. She moved on so thats it.

What to do? Well, in the grand order of things, its silly to look at just one person as "soulmate". Because you shouldnt be that special that only one person in the whole world can like you, cohabit with you and all the other stuff people do together. So, theoretically, you should at least have vast number of people that you can do that. You maybe were good together but at the end it didnt worked out, so that is it. You said yourself that you had different ideas about future. Cheer up, you will in time find somebody who you will look at with the same eyes again as her. Its your first real relationship so those feelings are understandable. But again, you will see in time that you can maybe even find somebody better out there for you.

Edited by Kwothe28
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12 hours ago, Erik2022 said:

She texted me that night and said she didn’t love me anymore and didn’t want to try again. I am just confused on where to go now. Does she really feel that way, or do we both need more time apart? I am miserable without her.

There is nowhere else to go but forwards. Reconciliation is not a one person job. 

If you love her, then respect her decision. It is not all about you. 

Spend time with your friends and family and let them comfort you. Stay engaged in your community also and don’t fall behind in your commitments or goals. This will fade. Be open to new possibilities.

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The message I'd take from this is never break-up first, then ask questions later.

When you break up, be sure that you mean it.

Most people regard breakups as unrecoverable because the dumpee can never trust the dumper not to pull the rug out from under them again whenever the waters get choppy. 

Regardless of how much we love someone, who wants to live their life walking on eggshells 'around' real issues when a partner's problem-solving skills are limited to calling it quits?

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On 1/21/2022 at 7:26 PM, Erik2022 said:

I’m a 22 year old male. My first real relationship began 2 years ago right before covid. I fell for her hard and fast. One moment I couldn’t wait to leave the school I was attending and leave the state, and the next thing I knew I couldn’t get enough time around her. She truly changed my outlook on life. Due to covid, our relationship progressed very quickly, but this was never an issue and it felt so right. 
 

However, by about the 12-18 month mark things began to get more difficult as we had slightly different ideas of where we wanted to be, and I had unanswered questions about how I felt about forever with her since she was my first love, first time, first real relationship. 2.5 months ago I broke things off and said I didn’t think we were moving in the same direction. She was devastated…but so was I. 
 

I spent two months just reflecting on our relationship and how much she meant to me. I finally decided I had to say something so I brought her dinner and wrote a letter explaining how I felt, asking if we could sit down and talk about trying again. I told her I thought she was the one. She texted me that night and said she didn’t love me anymore and didn’t want to try again. I am just confused on where to go now. Does she really feel that way, or do we both need more time apart? I am miserable without her.

When you question if you love a woman, or if she's worth it...or even if there is someone out there better, you break someone's heart.

You rejected her, even though she had given you her heart.

It's not fixable at this point.

She sees you now and it reminds her of pain and how she wasn't enough for you.

She's not going to get over that and time won't repair it.

It's best to take this as a lesson, and let it go.

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9 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

Regardless of how much we love someone, who wants to live their life walking on eggshells 'around' real issues when a partner's problem-solving skills are limited to calling it quits?

100%!!!

Every relationship is going to have problems at some point.

What makes a relationship strong and a good one, is knowing that when things get tough, you and your partner will always find a way to work them out together.

No one would ever take a relationship seriously if their partner jumps ship every time something came up that was difficult to deal with.

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