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How do I end a no label relationship?


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He (M17) and I (F17) have been talking for a couple of months now. We’re in a "no label" relationship where we both treat each other as if we’re in an official relationship. We haven't exchanged the "three words" yet, but we’re really affectionate towards each other. Everyday, we exchange "good morning" and "goodnight" messages, and never failed to update each other. It’s confusing. It’s hard. Friends with benefits. Now, I want to end our communication because this situation has been draining me lately. I don’t want to get into a serious relationship either. I just want to be alone and independent so that I can learn to love myself first because since I entered this situation, I have lost time for myself. I also want to focus on my studies. How do I tell him that I don’t want this anymore, or should I just ghost him?

P.S

He’s a funny, joker type of guy. He doesn’t take things seriously most of the time, and hates confrontation.

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IMO, I don't feel you should just ghost him, but explain what you did here.

That you now need to just spend your time on your studies and don't have the time to be pulled elsewhere, so don't have the time to be involved anymore.

IF you want, you can go further on how you don't want to be in a serious relationship etc.  But, as for this fwb, is best to just stop all of it now.  So, no expectations, so no one ends up getting emotionally invested, then hurt.

Give him the choice to just 'be friends'.. or not.  And, if this is something you feel you can handle.  Not all do and find that leaving all alone & moving on is best.

 

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53 minutes ago, Freya1123 said:

 Now, I want to end our communication because this situation has been draining me lately. I don’t want to get into a serious relationship either. I just want to be alone and independent so that I can learn to love myself first because since I entered this situation, I have lost time for myself. I also want to focus on my studies.

You simply tell him the truth - as you have stated it above.  No need to ghost him.  Your studies come first and that's what you want to focus on. End of.

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3 hours ago, Freya1123 said:

He (M17) and I (F17) have been talking for a couple of months now. We’re in a "no label" relationship where we both treat each other as if we’re in an official relationship. We haven't exchanged the "three words" yet, but we’re really affectionate towards each other. Everyday, we exchange "good morning" and "goodnight" messages, and never failed to update each other. It’s confusing. It’s hard. Friends with benefits. Now, I want to end our communication because this situation has been draining me lately. I don’t want to get into a serious relationship either. I just want to be alone and independent so that I can learn to love myself first because since I entered this situation, I have lost time for myself. I also want to focus on my studies. How do I tell him that I don’t want this anymore, or should I just ghost him?

P.S

He’s a funny, joker type of guy. He doesn’t take things seriously most of the time, and hates confrontation.

No, don’t ghost. Keep the conversation brief and respectfully go your separate ways if you must.

There’s another alternative. Why not just scale down the daily updates and feel less overwhelmed in general. 

What do you mean you’ve lost time for yourself?

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3 hours ago, Freya1123 said:

He (M17) and I (F17) have been talking for a couple of months 

So you're talking 60 days and you're FWB? You've met in person for hookups?

Just stop doing that. You're not an escort service so there is no need to explain. Just pull back and stop hooking up and chitchatting this much.

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Yes just be direct and simple.  And remember it's never just a label - it's the intentions and meaning the label symbolizes.  Will your degree be just a piece of paper? Also consider you're just not that into him.  How are you going to go about learning to love yourself? Why can't you be your own independent person and have a romantic partner?  I am and I am married for many years.  My husband is also an independent person. 

One way people learn to act in loving ways towards themselves is to act in loving ways towards others.  Like if you help a friend by listening and giving supportive input the next time you feel you need to give yourself input you may remember how you did it for your friend in a supportive way and treat yourself with respect too. 

If you see someone drop their packages and you help pick them up the next time you drop stuff you may think twice before calling yourself names like clumsy, etc.  It's really ok to realize you're not that interested in being someone's friend or that you're not as attracted as you thought and that other things and people are more important to you. 

I don't think this is a friends with benefits -you don't sound like you're close friends with him, you sound like two people trying to play at being a couple without any resonsbilities or commitment -and now it's not fun for you -talking is not a relationship.  No need for a confrontation at all of course.

Good luck!

Edited by Batya33
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