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I dont know what to do can somebody help me!


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Oke so I got this girl in my life for many many years cant say how many. We make out and get together 5 times but I dont know why it never lasts forever. If I am beign honest its %25 of me and %75 of because of her I guess thats a very long story which I dont want to you bother you with so here is the 9 last months.

I have broken up with her like 9 months ago and it was like *** she dumped me for no reason (maybe chated I dont know) which tear my hearth out and make me go crazy for months. But due to having mutual friends we kinda stayed in touch. There was some good moments and tense one's back and forth until I one day we begin to talk actively again made a move and we meet again.

I know beign too serious with her dont work and I know her work puts her into lots of stress so I asked for a small trip out in the country with her something like "Hey lets go together to this place you wanna come with me etc etc". Now I know this may sound weird but we are kinda close even when we are not in a relationship so we can talk about this kind of stuff.

The strange thing is she kinda made of fun me and said like "Go find yourself a girl and go that lovely trip with her hahaha" then she begin to brag about her ex boyrfriend (the one after me I guess not sure) I told her that I am not intrested in hearing this but she go on.

This made me sad and also mad. Luckly for me I was having a flirtly conversation with another women at those times so I asked her out for a causal date one day later things happen suddently I got myself a beatiful lovely new girlfriend. A week later I went to that one day trip with the new girl and posted some romantic pics on the social media.

Those pics were not too obvious it was me hanging out with another girl together with other friends and drinking wine by the fireplace etc I mean yeah they were kinda cool but not too over the top. Couple days later I heard that my ex called my cousin and complain about me doing these kind of things saying that I am not trustworthy etc etc.

I tried to confront her about the stuff she said but she completly denied it. Later on I focused on my new girlfriend and in the mean time I heard she begin seeign some guy. I focused on my life my new job and my new gf things moved on but we still kinda stayed in touch. But her behaviour was strange she was like "I wish you the best you are great person I am so happy that you are happy" and couple minutes later she starts insulting me saying that my new gf is ugly (she is not actually she is kinda hot) I should go to hell etc later on she came back and offer apologises in the mean time never talks about her standing boyfriend even I force her. I knew she was going crazy with jeaously and checking up my new gf instagram account she even spoke about her profile picture etc.

Then one day again another casual chat instantly turned into a wild insult rage without me realizing (I was on a ski trip with her) and she blocked me. I laughed and didnt even think about it. I knew what was happening she is just going crazy in jeaolusy but I dont understand why cause I know she had a boyfriend. Some weeks later I have broken up with my new girl and just kinda moved on my life it was no big deal after all she is not the one I knew it from the begining. Anyway after three weeks of me getting banned my grandmother got really sick and we took her to the neareast hospital. We kinda had problems with some doctors over there and because my famous ex also works there a I contacted her by telling her my grandmother situation and asked for a help because I really needed help it for my grandmother and she was really in a position to help.

She replied and said she will ask around and try to help tomorrow but when I contcant her again 2 days later she told me that she has covid and even send me the positive results. I felt sad about her and we begin to talk. For almost 5 days we spoke non stop I kinda give her moral support and due to her beign in terrible health and financial situation I have sent supplies into her home plus some meals etc. It was not something too fancy too expansive it was just me helping to a old friend kind of thing or at least I prent that way while keeping it cool as much as possible. In reality I was really really sad and afraid something might happen to her. I dont know why and you may call me crazy but I would rather be near her and catch covid compared to stay away. One day she asked me "What would you do if your gf had covid?" I said " The last time we were together you were a nurse in a covid center did I cared about it honey or embarced you its kinda same thats what I do" she said "You have given the exact response I expect from a guy like you" later she said that she is kinda middle of on argument asked for an early leave from chat.

At that moment I realised her current Bf is less intrested in her and she is actually comparing to him to me so I kinda felt great I was like "Well girl not everyone is like me did you see that" and of course I never said this to her. We kept talking for a day and I get mad about her family and her friends dont care about her. Later I have realised I have gone too far so I cut the conversation short. The next day she called me and we texted for a while and she told me that somebody is gonna bring her heatly food etc. I asked who and she implied that was the guy she is been with which she compares to me. I have immedietly tried to end the conversation there but she tried to talk to me for couple hours after that seeing my detarmination to run away she also stopped.

Actually this happened yesterday and after me forcing myself and her to stop the conversation we kinda stopped. One of the last things she said to me was "I will going to have a serious talk with him" and know that this is going to be a tought talk for that guy which he deserves. Get mad at me if you want but doing nothing while a lovely girl having covid burning fever is an *** move but you know the girls they like ***s not the good guys. So here is my story our last talk happened yesterday morning and I didnt texted her she didnt texted me back too.

Now I have no idea what to do. If I am beign honest I am still in terriblely in love with this women but this is a very wrong situation. I cant say that I trust her but I know that she will try to talk me or at least say hi to check up on me. I dont know what happened between her and her Bf but I suppose they didnt broke up because if she did she would probably run back to me immedietly.

What should I do I am really sad for her. She is getting better everyday but I know I need to stay away from her and doing my best in this area by trying to cut contact and forcing her to do. There are two possibilities from now on.

1.She will try to talk for a bit and when she sees that I am not responding actively she might stop.

2.She might force her way in use every tactic she can to break me and sadly she can break me she knows me really well

Please help me guys/girls I am in a f... situation like I say I love this girl so much but I know whats happening is wrong and I dont think I do have a chance I am so confused and kinda drunk cause I dont know what happened between them and I cant ask how things are going. I will never lower myself like this. So I am sad I am drinink whole night and kinda miserable trying to find a way out of this situation.

Damm girl why are you making life this difficult why dont you leave me alone or if you dont want to then why dont you choose me I am the solution to all your problems we are both 30+ years old we are not teens anymore who case handome or beatiful targets etc what is wrong with you!

Any ideas any advice please...

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9 hours ago, Caesar45 said:

Please help me guys/girls I am in a f... situation like I say I love this girl so much but I know whats happening is wrong and I dont think I do have a chance I am so confused and kinda drunk cause I dont know what happened between them and I cant ask how things are going. I will never lower myself like this. So I am sad I am drinink whole night and kinda miserable trying to find a way out of this situation.

Damm girl why are you making life this difficult why dont you leave me alone or if you dont want to then why dont you choose me I am the solution to all your problems we are both 30+ years old we are not teens anymore who case handome or beatiful targets etc what is wrong with you!

Any ideas any advice please...

You’re drunk. Sleep this off. She’s not for you. You keep trying but she only looks to you for comfort when things aren’t going well for her. Lay off the drink if it throws you off like this. 

It’s good that you realize you’re not teenagers. So start dating more mature women who know what they want instead of using men like you as an emotional crutch. 

Keep things light if you have mutual friends or hang out in the same circles. Don’t pick up all her calls or respond to her texts whenever she has a problem with her bf. Let her know you wish her the best and go about with your own life. 

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4 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

You’re drunk. Sleep this off. She’s not for you. You keep trying but she only looks to you for comfort when things aren’t going well for her. Lay off the drink if it throws you off like this. 

It’s good that you realize you’re not teenagers. So start dating more mature women who know what they want instead of using men like you as an emotional crutch. 

Keep things light if you have mutual friends or hang out in the same circles. Don’t pick up all her calls or respond to her texts whenever she has a problem with her bf. Let her know you wish her the best and go about with your own life. 

Well things got really worse today. I kept it cool and didnt reached out to her but she did reached out to me about some stuff and I have learned that she is in his place at that moment.

Now I dont know if she is telling me truth or just taking revenge from me I had a great time with the new girl a month ago and she gone crazy I laughed at her behaviour well now its the exact opposite its just pure revenge and it feels terrible she could have easly skipped that part but she choose not to this is intentional. Or maybe its true and she doesnt give a damm about me I dont know.

Also regardless if its true or not what she did is insane this is torture I will not tolarate this. I have immedietly said "Oke take care hope your sickness get well" and try to end the conversation but she kinda tried to talk back by sending multiple messages and even give me a call later on which I didnt respond and in the end ghosted her.

So I kinda did what you said and I hope she stays away from me this is so painful but I will stay strong I have my honor to protect I cannot tolarate this kind of behaviour no more contact no more responses thats it.

Hope she stays away from me if she does something I will comeback and write about it.

Edited by Caesar45
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10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Delete and block her. That way you won't be tempted to drunk dial.

I kinda thought about it and I may do this but not now it will be a reaction and reaction is exactly what she wants I will not give that satisfaction to her.

For now I am gonna stay in best response is the no response method she is free to think whatever she wants gonna stay strong and stay away.

Couple days later I may block her I dont know all I think about is my honor at this moment. So far I didnt messed things up or made myself looked like a miserable men I cannot and will not allow her to know that I am angry or sad I have stayed casual as best as I can and gonna keep this behaviour.

She already did one of the worst things she can do it me and she knows what she is doing no I will not give her the satisfaction of this never I would rather die to maker her smile.

This is not love this is just pure brutal warfare but no I will not fight sometimes the best way to win a fight is not fighting at all.

Edited by Caesar45
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Okay, this is only going on.. and on because YOU are allowing it!

When you should have just gone away & stayed away, you didn't.  Instead you keep playing the game.

You first give her the attention she wants, ask her on a trip, pull away, find & use some other woman, ask her on the trip, then cave in & contact with this woman again.

You two are just playing hurtful games.  No respect.

You are just hurting yourself with all of this behaviour.

IF you are done, the be done!  Don't keep this up with her.

She is NOT that into you, she is NOT dating you.. right?

Then you be stronger than this and say no more.  Leave her be to live her life.

You are giving in too easily because you fancy her.  When, what's best for your own well-being is to just leave all alone.. and no, we cannot be 'friends' that way when we have 'feelings' for that person.  it just hurt more, doesn't it?

You said to her you wish her well ( health wise and with her BF).  Okay, so now be done.

Seriously, all you're doing is making your life & situation with her worse.

 

 

 

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Oke so I have decided to comeback here once more in order to write about the updates and those will include any strange new stuff happening mostly going to cover my healing progress. I have decided to include my healing progress into my posts because even it helps one person its still worth it. By the way just like I have promised I have kept my silence and stayed away from her no more talk no more social media checking just nothing.

This will be long but I will keep coming and writing about it. It will also going to be really good for me in the future because if I ever find myself in a rebound position in the future I can always come back here and read the hardships I have been trough to get rid of it once more. Like I said I have known this women for a very long time many many years and my story is full of pain and suffering.Its a story of brutal emotional abuse and you guys only seen one small part of the story. Actually she broke my hearth far worse in the past so I kinda know what to do in situations like this.

Because that I have diagnosed with heavy OCD and anxiety (gifted to me by her) I am taking active measures to heal myself no matter what all of these actions I am going to take in here were told me by my Psycarist and they have worked really good in past. I will call this Healing Protocol 01 because it makes it sound funny and I also really like Sci-Fi so lets go.

According to H01 here is the steps I am taking.

Stop using alchol immedietly

Now this is the most easiest of all steps because I only drink with friends when I am outside (1-2 beers) or when I am really sad because of her so very easy to do luckly I am not an alcohol addict.

Fixing my Sleep Schedule

Because that my company is abroad I work from home. Therefore my sleep scdule is all over the place. Now this is not healthy a person must sleep during the night and stay awake during the day. This fix will help me in the upcoming weeks when I start my diet plus this helps you mentality too no more long nights listening slow music and feeling sad. I drank green to and went to bed early. It was painful to sleep while knowing that women you love is probably sleeping with another men but I forced myself to do it.

Forbidden to think about her

Now for the people in my situation its very normal to think about person who made you suffer and if you have OCD like I do things get much worse. Strange thoughts of reunion or even imaginary conversation keeps coming to your mind. Now this is normal because brain is looking for a way to ease the pain but this is also a death cycle because the more you dream about good stuff it also locks you inside a bubble.In a normal day thoughts about her comes to me 5-10 times avarage all will be immedietly stopped by me the moment I realise what I am doing . Now you may say "Wow 5-10 times what the hell" but well that happens when you got abused for many years and have OCD no worries I know how to fix it.

Stay away from your phone change her name etc

I have am actively staying away from my phone. Luckly I contact my co-workers via management app on windows so no whatsapp is required. I have put my phone in a drawer and only going to use it 1-2 times to talk with friends if its needed. I have also changed her name(gave her a funny name) in my contacts and removed the special ring tone I have attached to her. This is a legit tactic which worked in the past and the reason I do this is simple if I ever receive a call or a message I will no longer see her name which that name connects to so many memories in the past instead I will see a funny name from now on. Now this may sound really weird cause I will know its her but belive me it works this is something I did in the past. Now I know what you are wondering you are probably like "Dude why dont you delete her block her etc" my answer to this is simple. I dont want her to know that I am giving any kind of reaction to what she did. Although that I have suffered immensly she dont know that and I will not allow her to learn of it. Blocking deleting is not something I do I never do actually so if I do it now she will understand. Like I said in previous post I would rather die to make her laugh at me. Also this gives me a chance to ignore her in the future when she contacts me and belive me she hates beign ignored she goes crazy and throw insults which always amuses me.

Return to your Medications

I have used several Medications all prescribed to me by my doctor. I kinda left them couple months ago because I was feeling oke. Well I am not oke now so its best to return to them and use them how it was prescribed to me. One of the pills I am gonna take is a heavy anxiety supressor so that magic pill will help me immensly. Also have no worries I will not abuse any kind of drug during this procsess like I say I am kinda used it. The pain is great yeah but I am also familiar with this. Also I will probably see the doctor at Februrary when I receive my salary at the new month.

Disort my painful memories in your brain to ease the pain

There is  way of doing this and I am gonna do it on one specific memory which gives me pain the moment I read her text. This is procsess which was thought to me by my doctor and it really works. It never makes you forget anything (its not possible) but it makes you feel less pain from specific memory you had so in general it works. Because that its kinda medical process I will not share any details about it cause its something can only be taught by a real doctor and must be done with a total responsibility. Its not something I have learned by myself or from google my doctor thought me this to ease my pain in the past.

So here is the five steps of H01 there are few other couple things as well but you get the point. Rightnow I am still suffering from heavy anxiety and depression but its normal if I can stay away from her regardless of what I think and what she does it will all be well withing 1-2 weeks.
Now you may think like this "Oke dude it looks like you have experience getting rid of the effects she bring to your life but if you know that is going to happen why did you talk to her in the first place why dont you stay away from her forever" well this is very valid question. The answer is simple OCD and her actions. Even months later the danger is still out there its like Cocaine or heroin addiction one wrong move I make or one moment of weakness in my part may cause me reach out to her. Also there were plently of times in the past that she has reached out to me in most cases she has received only a poker face. In situations like this she either gave up or gone insane and bombard me with love. Nevertheless this wont work now cause what she did was insane and she did it on purpose I know her really well and her intentions are not good.

Like I say in the begining I will keep coming here and writing if anything happens. If not I will simple update my situation. Now I know forum mods will probably not gonna like me posting like this but it will be great if they allow it cause my journey from now on can help some people.
 

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Update:

Oke things are getting out of control guys/girls this s.. looks like its gonna continue. Now remember that I told you that I am gonna ignore her but gonna do it very casually to not make her understand that I am really sad etc. Well I did that I have ghosted her and didnt returned her calls. One day passed and she kept checking my social media etc. No contact from either side.

I went out together with friends (a group of 2 guys and 3 girls) into a local bar. It was a causal all friendly meeting we are all old friends we talked about jobs politics etc just hanging out no romance. I have posted a very casual picture from the bar and immedietly I got a message from her. Again random stuff mostly her complaints about her own life but when I check my story history I saw that she is among the three people who saw the story its like happened instant I posted the story from the bar and a minute later bamm here she comes again talking about her un ending problems.

Now this is obivious she wants to have a conversation and probably want to know who I am hanging out with or maybe she will again ruin my night I dont know that girl is evil she can do anything. There is another possibility I have trigged her by ignoring her. You know mostly beatiful women like always get attention and she is used to getting a lot of attention from me so the moment I stop it probably felt weird for her which made her wonder. She was expecting some sort of reaction from me instaed what she get was a guy who just minds his own business dont even react even in crazy situation like this while also staying away its like he dont give a f.. about her. The truth is %100 opposite of course she doesnt know that.

Still its too early to comment on this I will continue like I say I would and respond to her 3-4 hours later with one or two words just cold casual reply. If you are wondering why I am not blocking her I have told you already I cannot allow her to know that I am giving a reaction because although I am really hurt at the moment she is not aware of that and she will be really glad if she learns I am in depression blocking her or ignoring her compelty will let her know thats why I am still keeping her in my phone list.

Damm girl just go away and leave me alone!

Edited by Caesar45
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10 hours ago, Caesar45 said:

 Damm girl just go away and leave me alone!

It's your job to delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

It's not her job. Don't play games or drag it out. Fix it or end it.

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4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's your job to delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

It's not her job. Don't play games or drag it out. Fix it or end it.

I will do it in the end but not right now and there are 2 reasons for this.

1.I cannot allow her to see that I am giving any kind of reaction I feel like crap yeah but as long as I dont do anything extreme she cant know about it. This is important for me I cannot look like love struck fool.

2. I have deleted and blocked her in the past three times already but she always finds a way to come back to my life after some time. She either bombards me with love or talks about some bad thing happen to her. One time she even threatened me by killing her self by saying that "I cannot forgive myself for the things I did to you" she is crazy I told you. She has a mental problem called Borderline Personality Disorder (diagnosed by a doctor) which she ignores this makes her very very unpredictable.

So my only chance is to push her away slowy and steadly until she understands that no matter what she does there is no chance for something happening between us. I have wrote about this in the previous posts this is a long and painful story which spans many years.

Edited by Caesar45
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11 hours ago, Caesar45 said:

1.I cannot allow her to see that I am giving any kind of reaction I feel like crap yeah but as long as I dont do anything extreme she cant know about it. This is important for me I cannot look like love struck fool.

OP, do you have any idea how immature your behavior is above?  That's what you would expect from teenagers (imo).  If you don't want to look like a love struck fool, then don't act like one.  You're an adult, so act like one. Right?

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9 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

OP, do you have any idea how immature your behavior is above?  That's what you would expect from teenagers (imo).  If you don't want to look like a love struck fool, then don't act like one.  You're an adult, so act like one. Right?

Yeah you are right but belive me there is like tons of stuff I havent talked about.

Tonight was though and also strange with another bitter ending. She sent me text messges again and this time I have responded quickly and without me realisng the she begin to trash talk me "She begin to say how terrible person I am how much of a bad boy I have become (what nonesense) stuff like that. I wasnt able to hold myself anymore so I have said whatever happened to me happened because of her cheating on me (this is the first time I have confronted her cause I was not sure) and I also told her that I know that she still loves me (I know she is not in love this is me pushing on her all buttons) I even told her to block me like she always did and get the f... out of my life I have pushed all of her buttons at once tried to drive her crazy and even acted like an *** like she say I am or just kept on pretending I mean you know I am not.

But for some reason which I have no idea she stayed cool this time. She refused to talk about the past and even aganist the allagetions of love etc by saying we are good friends she cares about me etc it was like 180 degree turn it was weird because she should have get rid of me at that exact moment in the past she has blocked me for very small things. Anyways she dragged the conversation further and further in return I have made some funny conversation and before I was able to end the converstation she again said I will go to my boyfriend to night.

This time I have responsed by saying "I dont care about her love life etc." and in response she again talked about some weird stuff trying to drag the conversation further and further away but I stopped because I cant stand it anymore.

I dont have any idea whats going on anymore. Of course I know that she doesnt love me this is just me trying to be an *** you cannot belive the stuff I told her it was not rage or something but pure arrogant talk.

The only thing I know from then on there cant be anymore conversation from then on I have witnessed in the first hand. Regargless she understood or not I cannot stand her saying "I am gonna go and stay at my BF place etc" this is just simple torture she dragged on the conversation hours over hours even staying calm when I am acting like in a very arrogant mode she even tried to learn where I was couple nights ago which girls I am with etc I dont know what the hell she is trying to do but I am done.

I am mostly succesful what I have done so far she thinks that I am a bad boy and sex addict now you guys know that this is pure nonesene cause if I was I wont be here talking with you with tears in my eyes this is torture to me.

I have won ladies and gentelmen my aim was not to let her know that I am that weak love struck guy she knew from the past instead she now belives and openly tells me that I am an arrogant bastard who only play with women has no love in my heart selfish etc.

Well this is a victory a great one the cost of this victory is too much to bear but I have done it I HAVE DONE IT its soo painful but I have done it.

She will stay away from me fron then on and I will stay away from her as well because If I cant I would probably die or something.

End of story ladies and gentelmen I hope my next post here will only be updates about my recovery.

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Wow, so you think that being "an arrogant a** and acting in a very arrogant mode" and being generally mean and nasty to her makes you "win" ??  Yikes.  I think it shows the total opposite!  To me it would just prove total loser and prove to her that she did the right thing by ending it.  SHE WON!

Have you ever considered therapy to help you with your attitude and anger issues?  I think it would benefit you to get a healthier mind set.  Right now, the attitude you show in your posts will only backfire on you every time in any future relationship (imo).

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1 hour ago, Capricorn3 said:

Wow, so you think that being "an arrogant a** and acting in a very arrogant mode" and being generally mean and nasty to her makes you "win" ??  Yikes.  I think it shows the total opposite!  To me it would just prove total loser and prove to her that she did the right thing by ending it.  SHE WON!

Have you ever considered therapy to help you with your attitude and anger issues?  I think it would benefit you to get a healthier mind set.  Right now, the attitude you show in your posts will only backfire on you every time in any future relationship (imo).

No no no no my aim was not to win her I want to LOSE HER FOREVER and stop her coming back into my life.

The reason I wanted to look like an as.... because I just dont want her to know that I am in a terrible mood because of her actions. In the past in situations like this I was always honest about my feelings and show kindness I acted with pure intentions from my hearth and keep thinking that If stay true and honest people and especially she will see my value (I was always the good guy) but in return but only got blocked or thrown into the trash like a garbage friendzoned abused and even cheated on.

So I basicly get what I want. Belive me I am not an arrogant person I actually really hate breaking people's heart and regret it so this is kind of a defence mechanism I have created and I dont know why it works.

This is just a sick I know but I have witnessed this in first hand on many ocasions it works every god damm time especially on women too (as long as I dont go too far which I never) this bad boy attitude has bring me lots of relationships in the past. Sometimes I kept the attitude and relationships lasted long they just kept chasing me and loving me caring about me all the time which is the only thing I want I just want to be loved thats all.

After certain period thinking that person has a true love for me I lose the attitue and become the caring boyfriend slowly who is there when the women needs takes care of her etc etc and sadly every god damm time when begin to act kind and honest sooner or later that women will go out and find some doucbage to replace me this is a hard lesson learned by me in the past I gotta stay like this I have no choice.

This women was my weakness for years I have never ever was able to pull this off with her actually I have never dared to act like this to her in fear of losing her but not anymore cause this time I WANT TO LOSE HER due to the pain she brings into my life so I just pretend that I dont care about losing her acted like an as... and I hope she is gone forever.

Now you might think this is a sick and twisted situation but belive me this is what happens to a person when he is emotionaly abused for very very long time while suffering from terrible Anxiety and OCD (diagnosed by doctor) I gotta stay strong and pretend that I dont give a s...

Its quite funny because it even worked on her I mean in the past when I was honest with my feelings towards her I was thrown away like a trash and look here we are me acting like as... who dont give f... who is not afraid of losing guess what she doesnt even blocked me and actually tried to talk to me for a whole night it wasnt used to be like this it was mostly like me being honest and she was beign evil all the time I mean in the past well not anymore.

Its so sick I know but its also a reailty anyway I got what I want she will stay away from me.

Edited by Caesar45
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4 minutes ago, Caesar45 said:

 I want to LOSE HER FOREVER and stop her coming back into my life.

The reason I wanted to look like an as.... because I just dont want her to know that I am in a terrible mood because of her actions.

You could have simply blocked and deleted her from all your social media. Job done. Message gone through - I am done with you.

Also, what you fail to understand is that by behaving like an a** you showed her that you WERE in a terrible mood.  

Want to lose her forever? Then act like a mature adult and go no contact and STAY NC. Block. Delete. Be done.  (I am assuming you're not a teenager?  If you are, then learn from this.  You'll mature and have a lot of growing up to do).

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11 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

You could have simply blocked and deleted her from all your social media. Job done. Message gone through - I am done with you.

Also, what you fail to understand is that by behaving like an a** you showed her that you WERE in a terrible mood.  

Want to lose her forever? Then act like a mature adult and go no contact and STAY NC. Block. Delete. Be done.  (I am assuming you're not a teenager?  If you are, then learn from this.  You'll mature and have a lot of growing up to do).

Blocking her are you serious who am I a child no this will give her what she wants she just wants to satisfy her broken Borderline Personality Disorder character (diagnosed by doctor) with me if I block her it will put a smile on her face if I do that she will understand that I am in pain cause in the past I did blocked her couple times and all because I was in pain no more if a person truly dont care about the other one he/she dont even bother themselves with blocking they just ignore and laugh and stay arrogant thats what I did and altought it was painful it worked.

So its better for her to hate me and think that I am a bad person rather than seeing that I have blocked her and run away. I dont know if you read the whole story in this post she is an evil person and dont deserve anything which was given to her. Thats why none of her realtionships can last more than 2 months her father and even her brother hates she has no family only one friend very very low income with a terrible job and the only thing she has is her beauty. She is extremly gorgeous and actually if she was a normal person she probably would have found a great husband and had kids by then but because that she is like this she cant and never will be. Plus her only only advantage which is her beauty is fading away really fast cause she is 30+ she no longer a princess and I am no longer the prince standing in front of her tower knocking the door.

Edit: In the past I have spent my entire salary three  months just to ease her pain and send kept sending her to the psychiatrist. In return she cheated on me my friend belive me even my doctor tells me to stay away the same doctor who actually tried to help her.

Edited by Caesar45
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45 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

I can only strongly recommend you look into professional therapy to help you with your extreme warped thinking, attitude problem and toxic mind set. You won't win any relationships this way.

She texted me again wow this is nonesense :D

An hour ago she told me that she is gonna stay with her boyfriend and dont want to talk to me etc etc which I immedietly replied "Do whatever you want I dont care goodbye" and now she texts me and tells me that she is still covid positive (after 8 days she was already covid) I have managed to caught some other lie from her during that brief convarsation but didnt push trough I kept saying oke fine goodbye etc etc and then she flipped again told me that she doesnt want to talk to me thats why she texted me again like what the hell you see my friend I mean what nonesense is this if you dont want to talk just dont send me any more messages I have told this to her like 10 times already you see my friend this is what I am talking about she is just crazy :D 

Anyway I have sent her away saying farewell and this time kindly told her to stick with her desicion and stay away from me forever I even told her to block or delete my number if she prefers I said I will not gonna do it cause I dont even bother myself with such things.

Finnaly I have silence I dont long how long maybe a day maybe a month I hope forever like I say this is first time in almost 10 years I am soo careless towards her maybe she finally realises that I am no longer her depression pillow and leave me alone.

Edited by Caesar45
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Thats what I did but she kept sending messages to me all night and close to the morning she made 180 turn and say she doesnt want to talk to me anymore which I say oke immedietly and insisted thats what I want. At that moment she stopped and I thought oke this is it.

An hour later she again sends messages to me trying to make me feel jeaouls etc and when I say "I dont care about you anymore stop" after that she said yeah mee to I dont want to talk to you.

This time I have sent her this exact message:

"Look girl you kept saying that you dont want to talk to me anymore and I do think the same for whole night I kept on saying this to you "I dont want to talk with you anymore so stop. You just keep saying this over and over again and everytime I say oke and we stop then only an hour later you again send me some random messages.

You also say you dont want to talk to me either then why the hell you keep sending messages I have already said goodbye to you like 6 times already. Look if its so hard for you stop yourself texting me feel free to delete me from your contancts and even block me. Its not a problem for me also dont expect me to do it I dont even bother with such things. Stick to your promises and stay away not just today but also for tomorrow next months and beyond just go away you and your problems are no longer important to me I am not longer the old Caesar stop bothering me.

What can I say more than this?

Edited by Caesar45
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Update 3 days later:

So it has been three days just like you guys/girls told me to do I cut contanct with her and asked her not to contact me in any situation. Luckly so far she stayed away at least for now. If I have know her she will probably stay away from me at least 2-6 weeks but after there is a danger. There is also a possibility of her breaking with her new bf anytime cause she just loves changing guys like she changes clothes so if she ever feels lonely belive me she will try her luck by reacing out. Hope it never comes that.

I have also went into a full silence mod on social media not to trigger her jeaolusy attacks etc so its all silent and good. I am focusing myself to my work and gonna start a new diet with the start of the February.

My OCD is at my tail all the time. Giving me thoughts coming at random and makes me play the events in my mind with diffrent outcomes etc but I am saying stop to it all the time. This is a hard progress even for a normal person but when you have OCD+Anxiety it just get worse.

Still I am hopeful I may miss her from time to time buy I know this for certain. When she is away its only a tiny amount of pain to miss her. When she is near me the pain just gets multiplied by 10 so its better for not to have her in my life at all.

Plus due to some my co-workers are really rude arrogant b.... I have found something else to obsess about my work and I am doing a really great job of it so far.

Edited by Caesar45
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Her contact is almost inevitable. The “danger” is you letting her back in.

Everything you have done so far ….. ignore, block, delete, post ….. has been to manipulate her feelings as much as she has yours.

The only reason this has gone on and on is because you have allowed it. Having blocked her several times in the past, you have then allowed her back in …. so, of course blocking her looks like another knee jerk reaction …. until she knows you mean it this time. 

You are absolutely spot on when you say that having her in your life is much more painful than not, so stay blocked, stay deleted and stay away from social media …. for the time-being anyway. It sounds as though you are doing well so far. Stick with it and allow yourself to COMPLETELY emotionally detach from her. 

Your last paragraph above did make me giggle but in all seriousness, try to focus on some positives around you and, for goodness sake, don’t get sucked into any more drama. Watch from the sidelines if you have to …. and be grateful that you’re putting your own drama to bed.

Edited by Blue68
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On 1/29/2022 at 3:24 PM, Blue68 said:

Her contact is almost inevitable. The “danger” is you letting her back in.

Everything you have done so far ….. ignore, block, delete, post ….. has been to manipulate her feelings as much as she has yours.

The only reason this has gone on and on is because you have allowed it. Having blocked her several times in the past, you have then allowed her back in …. so, of course blocking her looks like another knee jerk reaction …. until she knows you mean it this time. 

You are absolutely spot on when you say that having her in your life is much more painful than not, so stay blocked, stay deleted and stay away from social media …. for the time-being anyway. It sounds as though you are doing well so far. Stick with it and allow yourself to COMPLETELY emotionally detach from her. 

Your last paragraph above did make me giggle but in all seriousness, try to focus on some positives around you and, for goodness sake, don’t get sucked into any more drama. Watch from the sidelines if you have to …. and be grateful that you’re putting your own drama to bed.


Well my friend you were right because 2 hours ago we talked (first time since the last conversation) couple messages back and forth and I finished to conversation with a nice message so no more trying to be the *** since I kinda get what I want. Plus even my stomach reacted to the situation its kinda crazy but even my body rejects her knowing that she will only bring pain everypart of my brain knows this.

Now its easy to block her I did it 3 times in the past. But she knows my weakness and she really really wants to come all she need to do is to make me think this "Somehing bad might happen to her" this my friend is my biggest nigthmare. I would rather die to see her getting buried in to a grave or something knowing that I could have lived soo many great things together and she is gone forever.

I can block her but we gotta have a some sort of fight for me to do it plus it will work only for couple of weeks maybe months and we are back in the loop again. I can stay away from her I have the power but I dont have the power to stop her when she comes in full force and belive me she did that many times.

I wished that I havent seen her in the universty 13 years ago. The most beatiful thing I have ever seen in my life the girl in the whole school that every goddam one of the boys wants to meet or date her and I got the prize. You didnt belive it but I lost half of my friends because they were soo jealous that I managed to get the girl everyone wanted AND NO ONE GET IT her reputation of rejecting men was so severe that everyone believed that she is a lesbian or something but in reality she was just a broken mess who cant decide what do with a her life and when make her say that "I love you baby all I think about is you how did you make me love you like this? this sounded like a major victory back then but now I know that was the end of my happy days.

I have dated many women after her some I loved again some I just wasnt able to but I dont know dude I have never wanted anyone in my life more than her. But dont get me wrong these are just my confessions I am fully aware that I need to stay away from while keeping my cools because she is not good for me.

Edit: She is also responsible for directly or indirectly destroying three of my relationships with other women. She doesnt want me but she doenst want me to be with other women too. Deep down she knew that I am the best choice for her as a partner for life (thats the reasons she keeps coming) but she is just sick and selfish beyond imagination.

Edited by Caesar45
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