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Dating a cancer patient… who is also a total jerk??


Kansasbbq10
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12 hours ago, Kansasbbq10 said:

I see what you all are saying… I’ve left him completely alone, no attempts at contact, maybe in a few weeks when I’d guess he’s feeling better I’ll ask how he is/say I miss him, but I don’t know..

Don’t contact him. You can say goodbye in your heart and let go in peace. Send the gentle thoughts out into the universe.

I think you want to help and you do care. It’s just not what he needs and inappropriate. 

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What I'd take from his message is, "I'm not relationship material right now. I'm too sick, and I'm just trying to survive."

Finding offense in that wouldn't even occur to me. I'd be more concerned with whether or not he actually CAN survive.

The last thing I'd want to do is come off as angry at someone for being too sick to deal with me.

Maybe not everything is about me?

 

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6 hours ago, catfeeder said:

What I'd take from his message is, "I'm not relationship material right now. I'm too sick, and I'm just trying to survive."

Finding offense in that wouldn't even occur to me. I'd be more concerned with whether or not he actually CAN survive.

The last thing I'd want to do is come off as angry at someone for being too sick to deal with me.

Maybe not everything is about me?

 

Yet all of the other posters before you are busy telling me not even to bother contacting him, that it’s me personally he’s rejecting. 

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3 minutes ago, Kansasbbq10 said:

Yet all of the other posters before you are busy telling me not even to bother contacting him, that it’s me personally he’s rejecting

No one said that.

We all said he's seriously ill and therefore unable to focus on a relationship.  And that you should NOT make it about you, but instead have some understanding of his situation.

YOU are the only one who keeps suggesting he personally rejected you and that he thinks you are "'worthless".  Again, no one said that except you.

And I did say not to contact him to tell him you "miss him".  That would come across as either a guilt trip or trying to manipulate him into contacting you or resuming the relationship.

Unfortunately, he's just not in a good place to try to date.  And unfortunately, he didn't realize that until after you had spent time with him and developed feelings for him. 

I'm sorry you're so angry and upset.  I understand you're disappointed it didn't work out. But there isn't much to do but accept it and move forward.

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2 minutes ago, Kansasbbq10 said:

Yet all of the other posters before you are busy telling me not even to bother contacting him, that it’s me personally he’s rejecting. 

Where do you get that?

Nobody's making you out to be a villain--we're just trying to caution you against making the guy into one.

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On 1/20/2022 at 12:02 AM, Kansasbbq10 said:

But it was okay for me to spend time with HIS child, hold his hand every night in the hospital, have him kiss and cuddle me but suddenly he can only be friends with me?

This was YOUR choice to spend all that time with him.  No, I would not want someone in such a condition to feel they have to meet my kids.

Like they say, you have no idea what it's like being in someone else's shoes.  This man is fighting a BAD illness and you need to take that into account.  No, you can't 'expect' much from anyone in such a state..

As for his son?  Well, his son comes with him.  You're going to be over there, tending to him, then you WILL also see his son.  No, your daughter does not need to be there.

As mentioned, way too soon to bring your kid into this.. And see now?  He's pulled away... good she didn't have to encounter him.

It should be way longer than a cpl months before people introduce their children to their 'date'. 

So, you respectfully leave him be now.. he is not well.  No expectations and move on.

 

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There are times where we are going to feel hurt, angry, disappointed, sad, upset.

But not every single time is there going to be closure, or the result you want.

Sometimes it just hurts and that's the end of it.

You want this man to be well enough to be your boyfriend. That's not going to happen.

Did he purposely reject you, reject your daughter?

No, he does not have the capabilities for either of you being in the state he's in.

He is too unwell, he is not wanting a relationship like he first thought he might, and he is now wanting this to be over, with no harsh words, but just acceptance.

You can do that, right? Accept that it didn't work out, have no animosity towards him, and let him and this situation go?

We all have to accept things we don't like, but we're adults, so we do.

That's the best you can do here, accept...let go...move on.

Also for your own good, so you can stop upsetting yourself over this situation.

Just let it go.

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8 minutes ago, Kansasbbq10 said:

Everything is about letting it go, nothing about just being patient until he feels better 

If he feels better and wants to be with you he will let you know. Until then, let it go IMO.

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8 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Why do you suppose that is, OP?

Truly It seems people are convinced it’s me personally he doesn’t like, even after stressing repeatedly that he’s deathly ill and can’t be expected to think, feel, or do much. 

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25 minutes ago, Kansasbbq10 said:

Truly It seems people are convinced it’s me personally he doesn’t like, even after stressing repeatedly that he’s deathly ill and can’t be expected to think, feel, or do much. 

Can you please quote the posts where people said it's you personally he doesn't like?

I can't find a single post that says that except your own.

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On 1/20/2022 at 6:27 PM, Tinydance said:

 

I think maybe the whole cancer thing is really clouding your judgement. I'm just wondering if you were dating just your average man who's not sick and he ended it, would you be this angry? Having cancer doesn't just make him a helpless child. He's still allowed to feel like a relationship isn't working and to end it just like any other person. Maybe just try to look at it that way. I'm sure you've been through break ups before and you've broken up with people too. 

 

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1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

 

No one said it's you personally he doesn't like.

Well if that isn’t the case then it should be fairly easy for me to keep him interested for when the timings better/ he’s no longer ridiculously Ill with no definitive prognosis,  by staying in his life 

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1 hour ago, Kansasbbq10 said:

Well if that isn’t the case then it should be fairly easy for me to keep him interested for when the timings better/ he’s no longer ridiculously Ill with no definitive prognosis,  by staying in his life 

If he wants to be with you he will reach out when he is feeling better.  Don't stay in his life "to keep him interested" - let him be with people who are there only to help and support him right now.  You're too biased/self-interested.

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7 minutes ago, Caesar45 said:

I am not picking sides here and its obivious there are some big questions needs to be asked but remember the person you are dealing with fighting to stay alive.

I just cannot image what this might to to a person metal heatlh just keep that mind.

Like I say I am not taking sides.

Why are you quoting and posting from your other thread on this one?

 

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1 hour ago, Kansasbbq10 said:

Well if that isn’t the case then it should be fairly easy for me to keep him interested for when the timings better/ he’s no longer ridiculously Ill with no definitive prognosis,  by staying in his life 

Just leave the poor man alone, OP. 

He is fighting for his life. Now is not the time to keep him interested. That would be incredibly inappropriate and self-serving of you. 

Just. Stop. 

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