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Ex Engaged 2 Months after breakup


emergeldb
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Hi guys, so I am M(24) ex F(22) we were together for 18 months and lived together for around 1 year of that. She first broke up with me 2 and a half months ago but she immediately regretted that decision and we got back together 1 hour later.

That lasted 2 weeks  then she broke up with me again. After 2 days of begging I went No contact and have not reached out since.

After the breakup, It took her only a week for her to go on holiday to a different country and move into her 'friends' place who she's know for 5 years and become a official relationship on facebook with this guy. So she's living her dream - living somewhere free, no job and this guy is spoiling her. This guy is not her usual type. Throughout the next month she has blocked and unblocked me a couple times, bearing in mind I have not even reached out in any way.

So I find out they are now engaged! Exactly 2 months after our breakup. A day after her engagement announcement she unblocked me from Instagram! This is when I start to realize she is most likely a narc and started looking back on the red flags.

I just want your opinions / thoughts. This is all very new and painful to me.

Is she a Narc? How can you move on that quickly? Why unblock me to see? Will they ride off into the sunset?

Thanks in advance.

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In ways, I feel she had a thing with him before she moved on away from you.  She may have had this thing on the go with him before you ever knew ( as they say, we're always the last to know) 😕 .

BUT, to admit to being engaged so fast?  They're both idiots.

Her blocking/ unblocking sounds like games.. Don't play it! You have done very well in maintaining you cool.  Not reaching out, etc.  Keep it that way.

As for what YOU  had with her, also sounds rushed,, right?  Being involved only 18 mos... living together 1 yr of that.

Not sure what to make of it, except she may have commitment issue's.  Not sure I'd say she's a 'Narc', you haven't given us enough reason to agree to that...

 

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Sounds like she already had feelings for him.  But engaged means really nothing without a wedding date so who knows if they'll actually stay together.  And you shouldn't know -I'd stop following her social media.  Doesn't mean anything about her mental health but yours might suffer if you keep following her social media.  All the best.

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3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Sounds like she already had feelings for him.  But engaged means really nothing without a wedding date so who knows if they'll actually stay together.  And you shouldn't know -I'd stop following her social media.  Doesn't mean anything about her mental health but yours might suffer if you keep following her social media.  All the best.

 

13 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

In ways, I feel she had a thing with him before she moved on away from you.  She may have had this thing on the go with him before you ever knew ( as they say, we're always the last to know) 😕 .

BUT, to admit to being engaged so fast?  They're both idiots.

Her blocking/ unblocking sounds like games.. Don't play it! You have done very well in maintaining you cool.  Not reaching out, etc.  Keep it that way.

As for what YOU  had with her, also sounds rushed,, right?  Being involved only 18 mos... living together 1 yr of that.

Not sure what to make of it, except she may have commitment issue's.  Not sure I'd say she's a 'Narc', you haven't given us enough reason to agree to that...

 

Yeah most likely emotional cheating was going on and she had her backup plan. We did move fast, we were very much in love during the honeymoon phase, she'd always say I was everything she ever wanted. Also, she does not have a great relationship with her parents, so lockdown happened and she moved in with me. Maybe that's a theme? 

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8 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Sounds like she already had feelings for him.  But engaged means really nothing without a wedding date so who knows if they'll actually stay together.  And you shouldn't know -I'd stop following her social media.  Doesn't mean anything about her mental health but yours might suffer if you keep following her social media.  All the best.

Agreed I've stopped looking this week, it brings me nothing but pain seeing her completely flaunt pictures of their relationship. If she's known this guy for 5 years why has she not got with him before? There's been so many opportunities. She is a very vain person and always went on about how she could never date someone who is younger or not tall, this guy is both them. Thanks. 

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2 hours ago, emergeldb said:

Is she a Narc?

I dunno. Does she works for Police and was undercover with the street gang? Joking lol

There isnt enough info to say anything about her. Except that she is erratic with her behavior. I know many cases that broke up long relationships and then marry the next one almost immediately. It sucks for you, she maybe even started that relationship while being with you, but it happens. Doesnt mean that she is a narcissist.

Edited by Kwothe28
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I think this is all the proof you need to know you dodged a bullet.

Sure it's a fantasy to go live with some guy that takes care of everything and blah blah blah... but trust and believe it's no free ride in the long run. 

Anyone that gets engaged that fast is just as likely to get un-engaged as fast. 

Long lasting, loving relationships take time and there are no short cuts. Love at first sight is possible but more than likely its lust, infatuation, limerance.

You dodged a bullet. The break up, make up, block, & unblock games are just that.  Games. Give yourself time and compassion. You'll find real love with someone else.

Whether this woman is narcissistic or not? Who knows! Not your problem anymore. 

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2 hours ago, emergeldb said:

 we were together for 18 months and lived together for around 1 year of that. She first broke up with me 2 and a half months ago but she immediately regretted that decision and we got back together 1 hour later.

That lasted 2 weeks  then she broke up with me again.

Sorry this happened. You dodged a bullet. On/off relationships and too much too soon are red flags.

 At some level you know this "friend" is someone she was seeing and possibly cheating with.

Delete and block her and all her people from all your social media. Don't tolerate her silly games.

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1 hour ago, emergeldb said:

If she's known this guy for 5 years why has she not got with him before?

A serious question, but does it matter?

At the end of the day, it isn't really relevant why they haven't gotten together until now. It doesn't change the outcome for you. Neither does whether or not they ride off into the sunset together. 

It sounds as though there was overlap between your relationship and this new one, and there has probably been something between them for a long time. And what you had with her doesn't seem particularly stable or sustainable in the long-term. Let her be his headache now, and delete / block her everywhere, forever. 

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My heart goes out to you, and I'm sorry for your pain.

Consider why diagnosing her is important to you. Would it give you some peace to believe that something is 'wrong' with her? If so, you can do that--it's not against the law. It's just not really useful in bringing you closer to the kind of answers that could actually help you to move forward with any degree of confidence in your own resilience.

A breakup, in and of itself, is the real message. You could opt to make that about devaluing yourself, OR, you could read it as, "She doesn't own the capacity to view me through the right lens. And I deserve simpatico with someone who really 'gets me'."

So she spared you a bad match. You didn't waste your time, you enjoyed what could be enjoyed with someone who owns her limits--but she wasn't your real match, and when you're ready, you will find THAT person.

Head high, and make it your private goal to surprise everyone, including yourself, with your resilience and ability to bounce back from this fabulously. This doesn't dismiss your legitimate grief, but it does set you up to look FORward instead of backward, and your best revenge is to find your own path to happiness.

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