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Reevaluating plans/goals/dreams


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13 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Why not? It's what my older sister did for 20 years. It's what I did for 7- only one baby!  It's totally fine to desire not to work outside the home but to do the hugely tough job of raising a child full time.  If that is what you truly want for yourself go for it and maybe get a PhD later.  I was single when I did all of my education and single for most of my 15 year intense full time career. 

It was hugely important to me to have a nest egg before I took on the job of SAHM (at the age of 42 which is when we married and became parents) in case my husband needed me to contribute $ and so I had $ to call my own.  And I loved working, loved my field.  I work in it part time now. 

So consider what it would look like to you to be a full time mom to kids while your partner was the full time breadwinner - figure out what you would like financially for yourself -or decide you're fine depending on his income and assets since obviously you're contributing by being the full time parent.  You have time to think this through so use the time.  I did and I thank my lucky stars I did.

M and I are definitely not at the point where we are even close to discussing this. I hope things will keep going good like they’ve been and maybe we will work out long term, but it’s so early to tell.  We have had the “you want kids one day?” conversation and that was about it. We are only 2 months into a relationship so anything more than that seems like it would be premature. Whatever schooling and working I do at this point is really for myself. I do want to have some financial independence and the ability to help provide for my future family like you did. I already have a degree and I could easily recertify if my license lapsed. 

In all of this, I guess I realize how dependent I was on my fiancé for planning our future and deciding our next steps and what our life together would be. Of course I had input into it, but when I look back on it, I think I agreed to some of the goals “we” set which were more of what he wanted than me.  I find it a little freeing honestly. But also, being an adult is hard! 

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Yes yes yes.  Adulting is hard.  Not just parenting.  Adulting.  I get it!! Of course two months is too soon! You're doing some great work here getting to the root of what you want, your true goals, your true passions.  It's impressive.  And very smart and insightful and adult.  

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You could take some pressure off of yourself by going through the application process as a 'placeholder'. Once accepted, THEN decide whether you'll actually pursue the courses--and if so, which semester you'll want to begin.

Meanwhile, start fresh on questioning which degree you might want to pursue, and why.

Since your trajectory has changed, so might your ideas about what you'll want to study--or not. Reconsidering, say, the concentration could open up new pathways from what you'd been thinking before.

Also, I don't buy into the whole 'now or never' theory. That's a self imposed threat based on echoes from others, and it's not always accurate. Nobody else is living your future for you, so nobody else gets a vote.

I left my bachelor's half completed in my 20s and resumed it in my 30's. By my mid 40's I'd completed 2 associate's, a bachelor's and a master's. 

I wasn't motivated in my 20's, but a decade later I was on fire and carried a 4.0 through the rest of school. What was barely palatable in my 20's I ended up loving in my 30's.

Head high. Whatever you choose will be right for YOU.

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