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Beginning friendship but confused


Cookie81
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First off this is age 45+…

I’m in what you call a beginning stages of a friendship here. Not a dating situation. I’m long distance speaking (miles away) with a man whom just told me he has been recently sick with pneumonia. Keep in mind he told me he is a big book person and loves reading…Last I had heard from him was over a week ago and he told me his symptoms. I told him I’d check in soon to see how he’s feeling. So 4 full days later , I messaged him asking if he has been feeling better. I explained I happened to be at my library doing research , but while I was there, I remembered what he told me about his symptoms. I took a bit of my time and discovered a book that I thought would be a good resource for him. Book was on home remedies. I sent a pic of the book and I did explain I took the pic only in case he was interested. I know he read the message and has not responded and that was about almost 5 days ago. Im hoping he’s ok , I’m not going to message until I hear back , but do you think this was a nice gesture? I did it simply because I thought of him and genuinely cared..Remember I’m long distance and I just wanted to help in some form of action…

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How did you first connect with him? Has he asked you for any money? How do you know it's a man and that the same person is messaging you? I would not assume he is sick with anything and I wouldn't give unsolicited input that is any sort of medical advice. I'm a big book person and always have been and doesn't mean I'd want someone sending me a book with medical type advice just because I shared a medical issue.  But that's just me.  Again I'm not sure how you connected with him and why you are assuming he has any medical issues. Is he married? Are you?

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I don't think you are close enough to be taking any kind of action so to speak. Especially when we are talking about a long distance pen pal type situation and even that just started recently.

As for nice gesture or not, hard to tell. Some would think it's nice, some may think that home remedies are for weirdos, some may think that you are overstepping with the caring aspect. Who knows what he thinks or maybe he is not well enough to bother responding to someone he chatted a bit online. It's also possible that he lied in order to fade out and quit talking to you instead of just being honest.

You seem like a kind person, but be cautious about over investing in distant strangers.

 

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28 minutes ago, Cookie81 said:

I’m in what you call a beginning stages of a friendship here. Not a dating situation. Book was on home remedies. I sent a pic of the book and I did explain I took the pic only in case he was interested. 

Have you ever met? How did this friendship come about? Is this an online bookclub or group? 

You mention it's just a friendship so perhaps his wife and family are with him and his doctors are giving him treatment and medical advice.

If it's just a friendship, then wait until he has a chance to respond. 

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I'm sure he'd be smart enough to get seen by a doctor if he was that ill.

As for what you did, I don't see anything wrong with that, so leave it be now to see if he responds.

If just a friendship, no worries.   ( Not sure how well you know him, eg. maybe if he's not feeling well, he may regress for a while or not be big on constant communication etc).

Either way.. understand 'friends' do not need to talk every day. So, give it time.  If you don't hear from him again, don't take it personally. And move along.

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4 hours ago, Cookie81 said:

First off this is age 45+…

I’m in what you call a beginning stages of a friendship here. Not a dating situation. I’m long distance speaking (miles away) with a man whom just told me he has been recently sick with pneumonia. Keep in mind he told me he is a big book person and loves reading…Last I had heard from him was over a week ago and he told me his symptoms. I told him I’d check in soon to see how he’s feeling. So 4 full days later , I messaged him asking if he has been feeling better. I explained I happened to be at my library doing research , but while I was there, I remembered what he told me about his symptoms. I took a bit of my time and discovered a book that I thought would be a good resource for him. Book was on home remedies. I sent a pic of the book and I did explain I took the pic only in case he was interested. I know he read the message and has not responded and that was about almost 5 days ago. Im hoping he’s ok , I’m not going to message until I hear back , but do you think this was a nice gesture? I did it simply because I thought of him and genuinely cared..Remember I’m long distance and I just wanted to help in some form of action…

That was a kind gesture but wait for his response. Don't crowd him. Are you sure there aren't any feelings beyond friendship? 

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Cookie if this is just a friendship situation, why are you panicking so much? Let him contact you when he wants to. I think you are getting overly invested, and that can give you much unwanted grief. Relax, go out in to the real world and find goof things to do, like getting in touch with old friends and family.  

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Well since that you came all the way down here to write about him I guess you feel more than friendship.

There can be two things.

1.He got really sick and having some probelsm (unlikely)

2.He is talking with someone else also dont forget the fact that his health condition can be a lie too.

Now dont get me wrong I am not saying he is a bad person I dont know him and I have nothing aganist him but people lie all the time for various reasons he maybe just needed attention but when he saw that you are really genunie kind and serious person he felt ashamed and run away.

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