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Just curious to know what others think . When married couples go on vacation separately all the time . With friends and not making plans to want to go together just interested in going with friends. 

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I think it depends.  For example I know a couple where he is an avid cyclist and for his vacations he goes on cycling tours I guess you call it.  She is not a cyclist so her going along makes no sense.  They also take vacations together but for many years they also worked together so maybe in that case taking all separate vacations makes sense.  They've been married 30 years and seem very happy. It really depends why and whether both people like that arrangement.  And how often there are vacations.

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I think that when couples plan trips separately that can be a sign of trouble, but not necessarily.  

That's kind of the question I came here to ask, actually.  In my case, I have a desire to go do stuff sometimes (not forever, but sometimes), with no one--not even my husband--telling me what to do.

And sometimes my husband will go fishing for weeks with his buddies while I have to stay home at work (which is fine).

If time and cash allowed, I can think of a lot of stuff I'd want to do that wouldn't be interesting to my husband:  NOLS courses, dog training classes, live podcast comedy shows, or speaking events by authors I like.  If I had the chance, I'd want to go even if I had to go alone.

Although, if couples almost never want to share meaningful experiences together, that's almost always indicative of alientation and detachment. 

 

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1 hour ago, ReadTreadRedemption said:

I think that when couples plan trips separately that can be a sign of trouble, but not necessarily.  

That's kind of the question I came here to ask, actually.  In my case, I have a desire to go do stuff sometimes (not forever, but sometimes), with no one--not even my husband--telling me what to do.

And sometimes my husband will go fishing for weeks with his buddies while I have to stay home at work (which is fine).

If time and cash allowed, I can think of a lot of stuff I'd want to do that wouldn't be interesting to my husband:  NOLS courses, dog training classes, live podcast comedy shows, or speaking events by authors I like.  If I had the chance, I'd want to go even if I had to go alone.

Although, if couples almost never want to share meaningful experiences together, that's almost always indicative of alientation and detachment. 

 

I wouldn't default it as "can be a sign of trouble" - I'd be far more neutral because it can be a sign of great health.  Vacations aren't meaningful experiences to me right now.  We take our child and it's a "vacation" but not for me.

  I'd rather share a meaningful experience with my husband like sharing a book one of us is reading, or talking about memories of his parents, watching a favorite show together and yes we've shared more vacation type memorable experiences, meaningful experiences but often vacations can actually be stressful, or involve family or friends or a resort that's not particularly "meaningful".

Often our vacations are meaningful because they're meaningful to our son.  We haven't taken a vacation just the two of us since before he was born as I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving him overnight with a stranger.  (I think my husband would not either).  So if he wanted to go away for a couple of days without me I'd be fine with it -he deserves a break! I've only gone away overnight a few times - for two weddings, a family event, and a funeral (I know like the movie).  Not for a vacation.    

I just wouldn't look at it initially as a negative.

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7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok you already know how unhappy/abusive the marriage is. If you can afford a vacation, you can afford a divorce.

Yes , he’s the one always going on vacations . He tells me I should find people to go away with . I thought people become a couple to do things together and want to share thing’s although people do things apart . Idk I feel like I’m always second to this man . I shouldn’t feel sad and lonely in a relationship or not good enough. 

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18 minutes ago, Pink26 said:

Yes , he’s the one always going on vacations . He tells me I should find people to go away with . I thought people become a couple to do things together and want to share thing’s although people do things apart . Idk I feel like I’m always second to this man . I shouldn’t feel sad and lonely in a relationship or not good enough. 

It sounds like there's a lot of underlying issues going on in your marriage.

You sound as though you're become distant, are there intimacy issues? Do you not feel loved, or supported? How is the marriage on a daily basis, happy, or no?

If you're feeling second best, lonely, sad, not good enough, then there are definite problems.

Your husband on the other hand, sounds like he is feeling resentful of your needs/wants, and is more focused on fulfilling his own.

How long has this been a problem? Is he willing to talk things out with you, or does he become annoyed?

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So.. he is selfish, neglectful & abusive? Vacations would be my last concern.

You admit how he makes you feel ( sad & alone etc) - so why stay in this when you are truly NOT happy.

How about you aim at getting out of all of this, get your own life going, after you work through the damages of what this has done to you and move ahead for better things , that YOU deserve.

 

 

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8 hours ago, Pink26 said:

  he’s the one always going on vacations .I shouldn’t feel sad and lonely in a relationship or not good enough. 

While he's away, use your freedom to start planning your divorce.

Consult an attorney. Get to a qualified therapist for ongoing support, enlist the help of friends and family. Save money, get a second job, start severing finances .

You're chosing to be "sad and lonely" because you won't leave this clown.

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On 1/17/2022 at 7:57 PM, Pink26 said:

Yes , he’s the one always going on vacations . He tells me I should find people to go away with . I thought people become a couple to do things together and want to share thing’s although people do things apart . Idk I feel like I’m always second to this man . I shouldn’t feel sad and lonely in a relationship or not good enough. 

How long have you been unhappy in this relationship, and why do you stay?

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