From one infatuation to another!

[densil]

For the last few months I have started going out again trying to meet new people having pretty well gotten over a breakup. I have been mainly going out at uni where its a great atmosphere and there are lots of really nice girls. I've always been pretty shy and now I'm no longer happy being shy and am trying to kick it. I have successfully chatted to a few (like 3!) girls, but the thing is, I seem to get infatuated by people so easily and find myself unable to even consider trying to go after other girls etc. I've been told by friends that I should just go from person to person and not get so "hooked" by one person. And I know they are right, although I just can't seem to do it.

 

I tend to find myself making an effort getting on the dancefloor etc. But I get this feeling that I am invisible. I think I just lack confidence, neeedlessly too! But how do you rebuild confidence? I know it involves putting yourself in positions that you wouldnt normally let yourself get in i.e. get out of the "safety zone", but what else can you do? And how do you go from girl to girl without becoming besotted with each one?

 

I know this lot is a confused rambling but if anyone has any advice etc it would be most appreciated.

 

Regards,

 

densil

[DropToZero]

Hey man,

 

It's awesome that you're trying to break out of being shy, always a great step and you'll love yourself for doin it when the time comes. You sound a lot like I did when I was first starting to get out of mine, celebrating that I'd talked to a few girls w/o scaring them off at first, and even possibly getting good friends that I could call on or even date. It's great that you're doing that, just don't get too over-excited b/c its just one step among many. You're still learning, see I dont know if you really liked any of these girls...but you are beginning to talk to them....but make sure you can talk to other guys too just as well. Then comes learning to flirt so you don't end up getting shot down...and it'll go from there.

 

I used to get hooked on people too....but you've gotta get by that. I don't know the easiest way to put it really, just have to learn to almost block people out that seem important, and not put so much focus on them. They are NOT your life, they are just great people you have met and probably want to spend time with. Another way...dating more than one girl at once, that will also keep you from focusing too much on one girl and scaring her off with all the attention b/c you're hooked and want to see her all the time.

 

As for rebuilding confidence, that's something that can't be done by a quick fix, its going to come slowly on its own as you break out of being shy and you'll be able to hold your head high around everyone sooner or later. Have fun...good luck.

[lifeiscash]

It is great to realize that you have found flaws in yourself that you need to improve on. Congratulations!!! That is a great step already. Just by recognizing your weaknesses you have already started to build up some of your confidence.

 

Confidence is not an easy task to build. From reading your article it makes sense to me that the reason why you are infatuated with others is because you are searching for something outside yourself to make you complete. In other words you are looking for s-e-c-u-r-i-t-y in other people.

 

The first way to confidence is to understand yourself better. Make a list of the things that you like about yourself, and then make a list of things you would like to change about yourself. See, people always tend to look at the things they hate about themselves but they never give the thought of what they like about them or what they are really good at in life. By understanding ways you can improve yourself you are on the right track.

 

Second you need to realize it is a long process and it will be made simpler if you use BABY STEPS. If you take a giant leap, chances are you might fall face first in the mud. Take it slow and gradually build up your confidence. If you want to be confidence in talking with girls then do the small things first, such as, pass by a girl and just say hello.. or walk by a girl and give her a smile. Small things where your not going completley out of your way but is enough to create a challenge for you. Once you do this more and more often it wont be that big of a challenge for you and you will be ready for something bigger. Then you can go over and ask a cute girl for a pen or something like that.. after you do that for awhile you will get used to approaching girls.. you get the hint.. you can do this in all aspects of life... well neways this is long enough.. good luck

[Alabama]

Confidence building can be a very hard thing to do indeed. I myself found it hard. What I did was just ingnore any feelings of self-doubt I had, I also made sure not to care if anyone thought anything bad about me. These things can take time, but it's well worth it. To get over shyness, I suggest just to try to think of the girl you want to talk to, as a friend. Don't assume at first that she likes you. You can tell in time. Good luck!

[densil]

Thanks for all the advice guys, and yeah you are all right! I guess at the end of the day it just comes down getting out there and chatting to girls. Just gotta get out there, and I'm coming to the conclusion that there are no tips with regard to that. Right, time to find some balls!!

 

Many thanks!