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Should I still give some distance or should I just ask her if she wants to do something again?


Anon678
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Started talking to this girl in one of my university classes, Realized we live pretty close by each other and seemingly had a bit in common hobbies wise - She seemed interested in me too (Laughing at stuff that wasn't funny, sitting nearby, etc) so I asked her if she wanted to hangout after class one day, figured we'd just talk and have some drinks at a usual hangout spot - She says yes and we agree on a time the following day, once again no red flags that she wasn't interested and just being nice ETC. seemed in my judge of character she genuinely wanted to hangout.

Anyways fast forward, and I'm at the spot a bit earlier and sitting down - She's a few minutes late but finally shows up, she sits down next to me on the bench seat and we exchange a quick few "How's its going" and she says "Good, but I'm kinda in the middle of a family emergency right now - I tried to text you and tell you a couldn't make it - But I can't do this today" Which I said "Hey no problem, completely understand etc" normal stuff and then she said "Maybe we can do this some other time" looked straight at me, Gave me a really grinning smile and left. This was a 2 days ago now and I haven't seen her around to talk to her or heard from her since.

Now, I'm basically human interaction retarded - Been crossed way to many times in my life and have zero trust, I didn't say anything stupid or say anything damning to her that would ruin my chances. But unfortunately given my disposition (Brought on by working on the ambulance for quite a few years now) - I immediately afterwards went to the worst case scenario that she was lying and got cold feet about hanging out together alone. She didn't seem upset about anything and I just figured she is/Was to nice and would feel guilty if she completely ghosted me since she couldn't get a hold of me by text. that feeling has been coupled with the fact that I haven't seen her and she has reached out to me the last 2 days that maybe it was just the only way out she could think of.

Anyways, I do think she is really interesting and at a minimum would honestly just like to hangout and talk as she was in all previous interactions fun to be around. Obviously I'm over analyzing all of this but I really don't want to ruin whatever chance I've got, So should I still give some distance and see if she reaches out to me (Has my number now 100% for sure) or should I just ask her if she wants to do something again next chance I get. Writing it out I seems less like she was lying, but I'm really 50/50 about it. I've been pretty in the dumps lately and hiding it well - It felt good getting nervous about that hangout, but now for the time being I'm worse off running scenarios through my head without any definite closure. 

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1 hour ago, Anon678 said:

she says "Good, but I'm kinda in the middle of a family emergency right now - I tried to text you and tell you a couldn't make it - But I can't do this today" 

You'll have to start having confidence in yourself and others or you'll sabotage things. Let her reach out when she's ready.

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She said she had a family emergency so she's probably not going to talk to you until that's done, maybe in a week. If she blew you off oh well, if she didn't you worry for nothing. She's just a girl, relax. Your life doesn't depend on her contacting you. Just carry on with life, and let things go.

I just want to say, women can pick up on those bad vibes no matter what you think.

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Give it a time and see what she says when you see each other next time. I wouldnt recommend contacting because, well, it would maybe seem needy and girls hate that. Play it cool, if she contacts you fine, if not see what situation is next time when you talk. As smackie said, until it progresses further, its just some girl. Go with that mindset and everything will be easier no matter what happens at the end.

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6 hours ago, Anon678 said:

Now, I'm basically human interaction retarded - Been crossed way to many times in my life and have zero trust, I didn't say anything stupid or say anything damning to her that would ruin my chances. But unfortunately given my disposition (Brought on by working on the ambulance for quite a few years now) - I immediately afterwards went to the worst case scenario that she was lying and got cold feet about hanging out together alone

Okay, being interested in someone then admitting Zero trust is not a good thing, I hope you know.

Right off the bat it's setting off a rough situation, when you haven't even begun 😕 .

She told you she's had a family emergency. No one knows if it's correct. Have  you seen her in class lately?

I suggest you give it more time.  If she does not reach out again, then you leave it alone. ( don't chase this way).  So, no don't ask to hang out again first chance you get.  

Edited by SooSad33
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It's not about trusting or not trusting, but rather learning to give people the benefit of the doubt and knowing that whether they do or don't come through, you will be just fine.

Assuming the worst is a waste of energy and can become a self fulfilling prophesy as no matter how well you think you hide that negativity, others are able to pick up on that vibe and will stay away.

So, she made an effort to show up and tell you what's going on. So in turn, make an effort to give her the benefit of the doubt that she meant what she said. Since you haven't seen her around, probably it's because she is dealing with some things so give her some time and see when she surfaces again.

As for reaching out, I'd say that in a few days, check in and see how she is doing if you guys have talked enough for that. If not then just sit tight and wait until you see her again and then talk to her. Sometimes, it's just the timing is off with some people and regardless of interest life happens.

Anyway, you'll meet others and you should learn to approach things from that perspective - abundance not scarcity.

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8 hours ago, Anon678 said:

I've been pretty in the dumps lately and hiding it well - It felt good getting nervous about that hangout, but now for the time being I'm worse off running scenarios through my head without any definite closure. 

Is there a reason why you're feeling down in the dumps lately? Where's that coming from? 

I'd reach out in a few days and ask her how she's doing. Depending on her response and what she says, ask her out again or see whether she's free. 

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Nobody has a crystal ball or truth serum handy, so the only alternative is to have a wait and see attitude. I can only say that as a woman, if I wanted to get to know a guy better, I'd know the ball was now in my court to reschedule, and if I had come up with an excuse because I wasn't really interested, I wouldn't want the awkwardness of turning him down yet again. 

Kudos to you for going for what you wanted. It's always better to try than live in a lonely, safe bubble. I've done my share of making the initial effort, with mostly failures and some successes. I liked to think that my guardian angel knew what what best for me, and all would work out in the end, with the right person. Just like when people are upset they didn't get a particular job, and then it was for the best because they got an even better job. Have faith that whatever happens, it was for the best, even if you don't yet know it.

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