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Guest Anonymous

So im pretty new to hook-ups without comment / casual sex. But I went to this guy’s place. We hooked up, had a great time. 
After we hooked up it was 4 am and there was no public transport going at these hours. I told him I’d have to walk all the way home, across town (about 40-45 min walk) in the freezing cold.

He still insisted on me leaving, didn’t offer for me to stay.

I found this super rude / total a**hole move. 

And now he had the decency to text me and ask to meet up again.

Thoughts? 

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When a person is a stranger, you have to set up your own plan, considering all possibilities, of how things could pan out. I guess you've never watched any of the reality murder-mystery shows to scare you off entering a stranger's home. My thoughts? Is knocking boots with a stranger worth risking your safety and life? And why didn't you delete and block his number after he plopped you like a bag of trash onto the cold street?

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29 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

So im pretty new to hook-ups without comment / casual sex. But I went to this guy’s place. We hooked up, had a great time. 
After we hooked up it was 4 am and there was no public transport going at these hours. I told him I’d have to walk all the way home, across town (about 40-45 min walk) in the freezing cold.

He still insisted on me leaving, didn’t offer for me to stay.

I found this super rude / total a**hole move. 

And now he had the decency to text me and ask to meet up again.

Thoughts? 

He's using your body for a good time but doesn't care, or respect you as a person.

Block and move on.

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Don’t respond to his text. Just leave him alone if you don’t like him. 

Remind yourself why you’re doing this in the first place. If it’s for fun, this isn’t any fun.

Rent a car if you don’t have one or plan your outings, whatever they may be, where there is transport available. He isn’t responsible for you and he’s not obligated to have you stay.

However he does seem arrogant and distasteful proposing to meet again considering he must have known you were upset the last time. This shows you how little he cares about you. You’re just a free sex service for him. Decline if the terms are not mutually agreeable.

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Guest Anonymous
38 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

After we hooked up it was 4 am and there was no public transport going at these hours. I found this super rude / total a**hole move. 

Delete and block him. Stop going to guy's places for hookups. Meet in a public place in the daytime for the first meet. Then decide if you want to date/hookup.

Yes he's a total jerk, but when you sign up for uncertainty, you get uncertainty.

In the meantime, install Uber and Lyft apps in your phone and have the number of a taxi and some decent friends you can call...in an emergency.

It sounds like dating would be a better option for you than providing free out-call escort services to clowns like this.

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What this guy did is basically ordering a pizza, because he craved it, with the difference that he would have had to pay for that pizza, but he got you for free.

DO NOT go to the place of a guy, who you have never met and you don´t know to hook up for sex. Have some self-respect and don’t let someone use you like that.

In general, always plan in advance. Make sure you can drive home yourself or if you don`t have a car or you plan to drink, make sure you get a taxi/Uber home.

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I am always bothered by name. "Casual sex" implies the existance of "ranked competative sex". 😆

Anyway, he treats it like its a casual thing, you do the deed and everybody go to their own home, no sleepovers. He could at least call you a cab and pay for it, for example, but I dont think he cares that much about your well being outside of doing the deed. So yes, he is quite a jerk. 

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I guess it depends how the events of the night unfolded…but if I were him, and I’d made it clear that this was casual, I would think you were being manipulative with the “oh, it’s so late and I don’t have a way home, can’t I just sleep here with you?”

You’re adult enough to go have casual sex with someone, why weren't you adult enough to have a plan for getting home at the end of the night? Seems like a pretty basic responsibility of an adult…I wouldn’t have compromised my boundaries simply because of your poor planning. 

All that being said, there’s nothing wrong with having casual sex, but know that it’s your responsibility to take care of yourself (protection, transportation, communicating your boundaries, etc). A casual partner does not want the burden of those things.

Edited by indea08
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My thoughts:

 Lets say you meet him again for sex.  How much will you enjoy it this time knowing what an A hole he is?

If you want casual sex there are a ton of men out there that are gentlemen and wouldn't let you walk across a parking lot alone so forget this guy but don't forget the lesson you learned.

  Be more cautious next time and make sure you know the person first. Casual sex does not mean it is with a total stranger, it means there are no emotional entanglements.

Lost 

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2 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

And now he had the decency to text me and ask to meet up again.

 

"Decency"?  Did you mean this sarcastically?  

After having "casual sex", he forced you to leave his home at 4AM to WALK 45 minutes in the COLD, not to mention the DANGERS out there!

My thoughts are to BLOCK his number, and to never EVER see/speak to this man again.  

He got sex out of you once...if you go back to meet up...you'll be facing ANOTHER dangerous 45 minute walk home in the dark when he's done with you.

Please...have more self respect than that.  You deserve better than someone throwing you out @ 4AM asking you to walk home! 

You've been given very good advice...I hope you block this man.

I wish you all the best...

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I say now you know how he rolls, you can be better prepared how to get yourself home next time around. If you ditch the guy, which would be my recommendation, just remember to not depend on your fling to accommodate you. Be more cautious of where you go and who you are with, and have an escape plan.

Edited by smackie9
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I agree with the others - make sure you have a way to get home.  Just because you two had intercourse doesn't mean this makes him responsible to get you home safely.  Sure there are good manners even to a stranger or a casual acquaintance - he lacks those sorts of manners.  But you seem to have had expectations based on sex - that's not what casual sex arrangements are about.  

The only thing that someone new to casual sex needs to know is that it is very simple -not much to know -it is sex with a stranger.  This means you have an increased risk for STDs than if you know the person well, both get tested -and typically it means that if you get pregnant it's anyone's guess if the person would want to be involved whether you decide to terminate, have the baby, put it up for adoption.  

An old friend of mine -a guy- used to say when he was having casual sex that he liked it but sometimes the longest time for him was between the time it was over and the time she'd leave -like if she wanted to stay and cuddle.  He enjoyed it while it lasted then because it was casual didn't much feel like cuddling or hanging out.  

I never had casual sex and once I was into my 20s had zero desire for it.  You seem to have fun having casual sex so just figure out if the fun/benefits are worth the downsides.

Edited by Batya33
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I used to have an FWB who would literally be fully dressed and out the door before I'd even had time to put my underwear back on lol. It didn't hurt my feelings because I'd gotten what I wanted, quick sex. And I took care of getting myself home.

Did you actually go there with no way to get home? Did you expect him to allow you to stay over? Were you imagining having breakfast together or spending the entire next day with him?

I agree that booting you out in the cold wasn't the nicest thing to do, but do you not have any ride share apps downloaded on your phone? If not, I highly recommend you do so for the next one night stand (probably not with him!) Also, please ensure you use condoms every time. Possibly also have a supply of Plan B in case you don't want a surprise pregnancy. And have regular full STD workups.

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This isn't about what anyone else thinks of casual sex, it's about how YOU define it.

If you believe that the term 'casual' must somehow mean that you disregard your Self and your own safety and would place yourself in high risk situations with strangers who disregard you also, or worse, could turn dangerous or deadly, then that's an unfortunate definition.

IMO, there is no reason NOT to learn a valuable lesson about taking up with anyone you haven't come to know well enough to trust with your safety, regardless of whatever label you want to put on sex with that person.

Is there a reason you don't regard yourself as relationship material? 

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On 1/9/2022 at 12:13 AM, Guest Anonymous said:

So im pretty new to hook-ups without comment / casual sex. But I went to this guy’s place. We hooked up, had a great time. 
After we hooked up it was 4 am and there was no public transport going at these hours. I told him I’d have to walk all the way home, across town (about 40-45 min walk) in the freezing cold.

He still insisted on me leaving, didn’t offer for me to stay.

I found this super rude / total a**hole move. 

And now he had the decency to text me and ask to meet up again.

Thoughts? 

Not worth it unless he is apologising 

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