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Lost, lonely and confused

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I don't know where to begin, or even where to put this. I've messed up, again. It's a never ending cycle of getting my life to a good place then smashing it to pieces. I can't explain why I do the things I do and I know this place I've found myself in is all by my own hand.

I was in a relationship for 8 years, it was in no way perfect but this man made me feel safe and secure. Life was ok, we had decent jobs, I felt like he had my back no matter what happened. I decided to return to education, while doing this I was working in healthcare and the pandemic came about & everything was stress and pressure. My relationship turned to a bitter resentment for each other, he was at home on furlough and I was working every hour possible to avoid him, and our family. I met someone else, fell in love and asked him to leave our home. I know this wasn't in any way kind to anyone.

Today, I'm in my final year of university, I have assignments due next week and nothing on paper, due to go back on placement in a few weeks with no means of juggling 3x 12 hour shifts training, work shifts and childcare. I'm on the staff bank and can't face taking a shift. I find myself in a home I'm struggling to maintain in all aspects and more unhappy than I have ever been. I feel like my ex partner pushed and enabled me to do all these things, I left him for something better and fell flat on my face. I know I deserve this but how do I move forward with my life? 

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You have kids?  That an your work should be your main priority.  Your personal life is your choice.

I am assuming you left because you were not that into him anymore?  ( do you feel so stuck & overwhelmed now due to financial stress?).  We cannot always rely that way on a partner.

How about you downsize what you re living in now, in order to manage better?

Can someone help you out re: childcare if you are stressed with the increased demands re: your finals, work hours etc.

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