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can my friendship be saved?


cisl
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Ok, i’m either asking for advice on if I should try to reconcile with someone or at least get closure. This is a bit of a TL;DR, sorry before hand

So, I serve in the military and I have been in 6 months training and in 3 weeks from now I will be graduating. During my 6 months, i became close friends with a girl who I eventually fell for,  so I told her how I felt. I made it clear that I was ok that she didn’t feel the same way, in addition, the training environment isn’t the place for this kinda stuff, she agreed and expressed she wanted to remain friends as well.

However, after time went by she started to distance herself from me in where having a conversation with her was getting harder and harder. I tried to keep a distance from her, I would talk to her like for 3-5 min tops and mostly once or twice a week... I didn't want to make it look I was some guy who was trying to get more out of the friendship, but just a guy who was trying to retain the friendship. Thing is, every time I tried to talk to her she would get flakey.

So eventually, I had to talk to her about it, and she just couldn’t see me as a friend anymore. She saw me as a guy who was "playing the friend card" and this lead to a huge argument with her about this which caused the communication and friendship to completely die.

It’s 2 months after and I have stopped talking to her ever since.. and I eventually came to the realization and understanding of her side of things as well. I should have respected her space better, and I honestly did not realize that I wasn't doing that as much as I thought I did.. however, I am so hurt as to how I was cut off, and I can't deny that I still care about her.

It hurts seeing her...

We are about to graduate 3 weeks from now, in where we will part our separate ways however there is such bitterness and grief in me as to how our circumstances are. A part of me wants to have a final talk with her, in hopes we can be in good terms or (better) reconcile, however I just don't know if i can just initiate a conversation because i don't want to be a creep or commit the same mistake again.

Should I try to reconcile/seek closure for this or no?

Edited by cisl
insert tl;dr
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3 hours ago, cisl said:

I told her how I felt.

Big mistake.

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I made it clear that I was ok that she didn’t feel the same way,

That's a contradiction. If you were so okay with that, then why raise it in the first place?

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... the training environment isn’t the place for this kinda stuff,

And neither is ANY work environment. It positions another for extreme discomfort, every. single. workday, from that point forward. 

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she agreed and expressed she wanted to remain friends as well.

She didn't exactly have a choice. You put her on the spot--she could not put that toothpaste back in the tube.

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She saw me as a guy who was "playing the friend card" and this lead to a huge argument with her 

You had no right to argue with her about this. You made her uncomfortable, and she had a right to tell you why. And if you don't back off and leaver her alone, you could find yourself up on harassment charges.

Keep your love life OUT of the workplace. Period.

You're learning why.

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6 hours ago, cisl said:

i became close friends with a girl who I eventually fell for,  so I told her how I felt

.She saw me as a guy who was "playing the friend card" and this lead to a huge argument  

We are about to graduate 3 weeks from now, in where we will part our separate ways 

Sorry this happened. In 3 weeks, you'll have a great new future and opportunities ahead of you.

The good thing is you learned not to "confess feelings" because it's awkward and ruins things.

In the future, if you are interested in someone, just ask them on a date.

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I feel she may have seen this in a different light than you...

So, as you had a different type of interest in her, when she most likely saw you as just a friend... now, she's been made aware that you saw her as more, she has shied away.

Then is most likely , you two can't be 'normal friends'. This, you need to accept.

So, is time to be respectful and let it all go.

You move on and go on with your life.

Who knows.. maybe, someday you'll come to talk again. be some type of friends , connect some how on social media, etc.. but don't push it.

Basically, is time to just let it go now.

 

Edited by SooSad33
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18 hours ago, Jibralta said:

I think not. You should continue to respect her space.

^ I second the above.  As much as it hurts, it's time to accept that this was heading nowhere from the get-go .... she wasn't as into you as you were into her (sorry).

Let it go and move.  Plenty more fish in the sea.

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I think a little bit differently to the above posters - it takes courage to put yourself out there and take a chance on letting someone know how you feel. If you did it in the way you wrote about it above - that is, you tried to be respectful and let her know you had no expectation of feeing the same and that you were okay with that - then I think the problem lies with her. She seems a bit unnecessarily harsh in her treatment to me and actually rude to say you were playing the friend card. She also seems immature. Sure, perhaps it made her feel uncomfortable to hear that someone she didn’t have feelings for had feelings for her, but she could have chosen to graciously accept it, let you know where she stood (which she did), and move forward from it.

I think you’re better off without someone treating you like this just because you told her you have feelings for her.

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