was this sexual assault or am i overreacting??

[getscared]

i keep thinking abt the time i was with my ex boyfriend and he wanted to have sex. he took off my pants and i let him. he told me he wanted to give me oral and i told him i didnt want that. he said ok. but after that he immediately tried to give me oral again and i had to push him away and i told him i already said no. he said he "forgot" i said no and apologized. then he kept doing it again and again and i had to push him off everytime and tell him i dont want him to give me oral. it made me extremely uncomfortable how he kept forcing himself on me after i repeatedly said no but i tried to play it cool. i feel like im overreacting to some degree but i cant get it out of my head. ive blocked him but i havnt confronted him about this.

[Wiseman2]

He's 17 and you're 16 so you are both under age. Not every unwanted sexual advance is an assault. 

Learn now that when someone acts creepy you get dressed, get up and leave rather then just hang around with your pants off.

 Keep in mind it's not cute to put men in jail when you are not doing something to stop the situation and they are being stupid horny teen boys.

 Keep your clothes on until you see a doctor about appropriate exams, STD advice and contraception. BTW here's the partial list of STDs from oral since people do that unprotected from body fluids.

STIs commonly caught through oral sex are:

gonorrhoea

genital herpes

syphilis

human papillomavirus (HPV)

[getscared]

8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

He's 17 and you're 16 so you are both under age. Not every unwanted sexual advance is an assault. 

Learn now that when someone acts creepy you get dressed, get up and leave rather then just hang around with your pants off.

 Keep in mind it's not cute to put men in jail when you are not doing something to stop the situation and they are being stupid horny teen boys.

 Keep your clothes on until you see a doctor about appropriate exams, STD advice and contraception. BTW here's the partial list of STDs from oral since people do that unprotected from body fluids.

STIs commonly caught through oral sex are:

gonorrhoea

genital herpes

syphilis

human papillomavirus (HPV)

it was a different ex lol not the one my previous posts were about 

[getscared]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

He's 17 and you're 16 so you are both under age. Not every unwanted sexual advance is an assault. 

Learn now that when someone acts creepy you get dressed, get up and leave rather then just hang around with your pants off.

 Keep in mind it's not cute to put men in jail when you are not doing something to stop the situation and they are being stupid horny teen boys.

 Keep your clothes on until you see a doctor about appropriate exams, STD advice and contraception. BTW here's the partial list of STDs from oral since people do that unprotected from body fluids.

STIs commonly caught through oral sex are:

gonorrhoea

genital herpes

syphilis

human papillomavirus (HPV)

and i was 14 at the time and he was 17

[SherrySher]

He didn't actually go through with doing anything to you though, correct?

I mean, he attempted, but didn't actually do it.

So it's not considered assault.

Please be accountable for your own actions as well.

You willingly went into a room with him, allowed him to undress you and watched as he made advances.

If you truly didn't want sex, then it's best to not put yourself into those kinds of situations.

Him not taking no for an answer, is not good. He's not the kind of man you should date, or even be around.

But as for now, you don't have any kind of evidence you could go to the police with, so best to just stay as far away from this guy as possible and don't get yourself into bad situations again.

[MissCanuck]

Pressuring you into any sort of sexual activity is wrong, without a doubt. He was a creep to continue to push when you said no and repeatedly pushed him away. 

That does not necessarily mean he sexually assaulted you, working under a strictly legal definition of assault. (though this will likely vary by jurisdiction) Meaning, you would probably not have enough evidence of assault to press any sort of charge against him. 

Keep him blocked. I am gathering this happened some time ago, given that you were 14 then and apparently you're 16 now. (is that correct?) Has it been bothering you all this time, or were you recently triggered by something? 

 

 

[Capricorn3]

1 hour ago, getscared said:

i keep thinking abt the time i was with my ex boyfriend and he wanted to have sex. he took off my pants and i let him.

I'm a little intrigued by the above.  You state he wanted sex. So you were aware of that. Then you let him take your pants off.  This would indicate that you were prepared to have sex with him too. Right?  If you didn't want sex and knew he did, why did you let him take your pants off?  🤔

Lesson to learn:  Do NOT, ever, remove your clothes, or have some guy remove your clothes when you are aware they want sex but you don't want it. That is sending mixed messages and hardly surprising you end up with him pushing you for more. Note:  I am NOT condoning what he did. Just showing you where all this leads to.

Another lesson:   if you're not old enough to raise a child then you make damn sure you you're on decent birth control to avoid an unwanted pregnancy.

How many boyfriends have you had so far? 

[boltnrun]

Do your parents know you're involved in such intense sexual activity at such a young age?  Have you talked to them about birth control and protection from STDs?

[catfeeder]

Quote

was this sexual assault or am i overreacting??

Maybe not 'over' reacting, but rather a delayed reaction?

The first thing I'd ask myself is what would be the advantage for ME if I decide, NOW, that my ex was actually an assailant rather than just a jerk.

I mean, he's already your ex, so I'd be thankful for that.

Consider what you might hope to accomplish by defining the event as an assault, along with what form of action you'd want to take about it (if any).

From there, you can decide whether it would benefit you going forward to view yourself through the lens of having been victimized, or would it help you to better navigate your future by viewing yourself as far more equipped to walk away from anyone who would mistreat you that way.

Head high, the answers you choose are the right ones for you.

[Batya33]

17 hours ago, getscared said:

i keep thinking abt the time i was with my ex boyfriend and he wanted to have sex. he took off my pants and i let him. he told me he wanted to give me oral and i told him i didnt want that. he said ok. but after that he immediately tried to give me oral again and i had to push him away and i told him i already said no. he said he "forgot" i said no and apologized. then he kept doing it again and again and i had to push him off everytime and tell him i dont want him to give me oral. it made me extremely uncomfortable how he kept forcing himself on me after i repeatedly said no but i tried to play it cool. i feel like im overreacting to some degree but i cant get it out of my head. ive blocked him but i havnt confronted him about this.

You chose to play it cool.  You could have chosen to ask him to leave after the first time or most certainly the second time (meaning he said he "forgot" so possibly one more chance to behave appropriately).  Don't "confront".  Do you want an apology?  If so I would discuss it with him - on the phone -not in typing -like this "When you came over the last time and you wanted to have oral sex with me I told you I didn't want to.  And you kept trying as if I hadn't said no.  I wanted to play it cool so I didn't tell you at the time I felt uncomfortable that you didn't respect my "no" and you kept trying.  I should have told you I felt uncomfortable. I wanted to know that I felt like you didn't respect me when I said no because you kept trying."

See how he reacts.  Yes, no is no.  But he didn't actually have oral sex with you -he stopped each time.  That's annoying.  He might feel annoyed because he misread your signals -you said no but didn't tell him why. You said no but didn't ask him to leave because you chose to "play it cool" - were you afraid of asking him to leave because then he wouldn't want to hook up with you again?