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What’s the meaning of this?


Phill73
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When my ex ended things she wanted to remain friends but I choose not to.. she seemed a little taken back by this and an argument broke out lasting on and off for a week.. it ended up in her blocking my mobile number.. I felt a little bad knowing I had upset her threw things I had said during the argument and wanted to apologise.. I used Facebook to contact her and apologise, she thanked me for my message and said she believed me… After the relationship ended she said she didn’t want to try work things out to realise again things won’t work she said she was terribly sorry but that’s how she felt but the friendship offer was on the table as she said it would be hugely beneficial to remain friends.. Since the blocking and the accepted apology Iv reached out twice just to see how she is and how she’s coping with her illness.. Iv received 2 polite replies.. After Christmas I contacted her saying hope you enjoyed Christmas etc Iv thought about things and I’m happy to remain friends should you still like this.. She replied back saying thanks for the message, hope your Christmas went well, yes/perhaps let’s stay in touch as friends, wish you a happy new year.. Can I ask what’s with that thanking me for the message? If she didn’t want to hear from me she wouldn’t be thanking me right? Why not just reply without the thanks for your message.. Was it like she was sitting around hoping or expecting me to reply? I understand she’s being polite by replying etc but thanking me for the message? Surly she wouldn’t say thanks if she didn’t want to hear from me? I’m not suggesting she wants to get back together but why thank me if she didn’t want contact from me?

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38 minutes ago, Phill73 said:

When my ex ended things she wanted to remain friends. After the relationship ended she said she didn’t want to try work things out to realise again things won’t work 

Sorry this happened. How long were you dating? What was the breakup about? 

Don't stay friends. Stop contacting her begging, pleading, stalking social media,etc.

Accept it's over and walk away in peace.

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22 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. How long were you dating? What was the breakup about? 

Don't stay friends. Stop contacting her begging, pleading, stalking social media,etc.

Accept it's over and walk away in peace.

Iv got no problems with things as they are.  I’m just curious as for the reasons to thank me for sending a message..

she ended it because for what ever reason she wasn’t content, I didn’t get any concrete reasons..

I understand it’s over but if the situation was reversed I wouldn’t be thanking an ex for sending a message..  some people do remain friends relationships it’s not un normal, I’m not bitter or twisted about things, I’m happy with my life etc..

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It’s a thank you for responding. A thank you for taking the time. Thank you for being a human being. It doesn’t sound like any hidden meaning nor does it sound extra special. What it does sound is professional and tactful. 

Unfortunately what you are doing is responding to it as if it’s a breadcrumb, a hint that she misses you as a boyfriend. She doesn’t want to be with you and has made it amply clear. 

She did mention that she believes remaining friends would be beneficial to both of you. What does that mean? Do you work together? Do one of you report to the other or have to associate with the other on a professional level?

Are you completely in the dark about the break up? Why is that? 

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3 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

She did mention that she believes remaining friends would be beneficial to both of you. What does that mean? Do you work together?

No we don’t work together, I live a good 35 minute drive away.. 

she said it would be beneficial because we know each other so well..

as for her reason for breaking up!?  She just said neither of us were getting much from the relationship, we have the fuel shortage meaning I don’t see her much then we were both ill so I only saw her about 3 times in 3 weeks..  she said she thought things would be easier on her own which is strange..

she caused arguments that didn’t need to be caused but I felt with it..

our relationship together could be anything we wanted it to be, isn’t that what couples do?

she said she still loved me and thinks I’m great after we split up..

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25 minutes ago, Phill73 said:

She just said neither of us were getting much from the relationship. I only saw her about 3 times in 3 weeks..  she said she thought things would be easier on her own 

How long were you dating? how old is she? Do you both live with parents?

What types of illnesses kept you apart?

Clearly you know what the breakup was about, you just let it go in one ear and out the other, claiming she picked random arguments.

It seems you have different goals, values and ideas about what a relationship is and where it's going.

She doesn't hate you, she's past that. She's indifferent enough to just give you the "let's stay friends" line.

It seems you've both checked out of the relationship for a while. You seem to have been coasting along and she gave up trying.

 

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20 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

Take some time to think things over. When was the break up and how long were you dating for? 

What were the arguments about?

We were together for 14 months, we got engaged after 8 months and she stated she loved me more than anyone.  we’re both in our 40’s..

when I say arguments, her not liking something, 1 word I used in a sentence. Maybe I didn’t tell her children off..  maybe I didn’t read her mind and do or say the right thing.  All the problems were her problems..

I don’t need to analyse the why we broke up.  She offered friendship i declined and she didn’t like it ending up blocked my phone number.   I apologised for my own sanity and morales to make me feel better.

im not contesting the break up. I accept it..

im curious as to why a person that felt the need to block me is now thanking me for messaging them..  I don’t know a single person that thanks me for sending them a message.

she doesn’t need to thank me, either reply or don’t reply it’s her choice..

if she wasn’t ever expecting to hear from me again why thank me?

would you thank someone that you didn’t want to hear from?

she could of blocked my sociable media too but didn’t..

the only thing I need to decide is if having her as a friend adds value to me, I’m happy to be friends but not just to get used.  There may be reasons for the split that she kept to her self I don’t know..

if she doesn’t want friendship and she blocked me there’s no need to reply thanking me for my message stating we could perhaps remain friends..

I’m content in my life. I’m sad we split up but I’m not bitter about it..

I’m just curious as to her reply.

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1 minute ago, Phill73 said:

We were together for 14 months, we got engaged after 8 months and she stated she loved me more than anyone.  we’re both in our 40’s..

when I say arguments, her not liking something, 1 word I used in a sentence. Maybe I didn’t tell her children off..  maybe I didn’t read her mind and do or say the right thing.  All the problems were her problems..

I don’t need to analyse the why we broke up.  She offered friendship i declined and she didn’t like it ending up blocked my phone number.   I apologised for my own sanity and morales to make me feel better.

im not contesting the break up. I accept it..

im curious as to why a person that felt the need to block me is now thanking me for messaging them..  I don’t know a single person that thanks me for sending them a message.

she doesn’t need to thank me, either reply or don’t reply it’s her choice..

if she wasn’t ever expecting to hear from me again why thank me?

would you thank someone that you didn’t want to hear from?

she could of blocked my sociable media too but didn’t..

the only thing I need to decide is if having her as a friend adds value to me, I’m happy to be friends but not just to get used.  There may be reasons for the split that she kept to her self I don’t know..

if she doesn’t want friendship and she blocked me there’s no need to reply thanking me for my message stating we could perhaps remain friends..

I’m content in my life. I’m sad we split up but I’m not bitter about it..

I’m just curious as to her reply.

No one has thanked you for a message before? I thank people daily especially the ones I don’t want to hear from. I do it without thinking because it’s good manners. Consider a “thank you” similar and as simple to a “pardon me”. It’s best to acknowledge it but let go.

You’re very hung up on this for some reason. Yet even if it did have hidden meaning, does it matter? It likely doesn’t. The relationship ended. Don’t let this drive you up the wall.

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33 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

What types of illnesses kept you apart?

At the time I had a bad cold, I snore at the best of times so she didn’t want me to drive all that way and couldn’t sleep.

Rest is valuable to her because she gets tired quick due to a condition..

the only weird thing I remember from splitting up is after breaking up she made a point about telling me she had joined a gym and was getting stronger but she was always to ill to do anything when we were together. It was a remarkable recovery 😂 

she could of joined the gym at any point..

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12 minutes ago, Phill73 said:

We were together for 14 months, we got engaged after 8 months  we’re both in our 40’s..

.Maybe I didn’t tell her children off..    All the problems were her problems..

 

Way too much way too soon. Particularly if you are both divorced and have kids.

Obviously she didn't like your way with her kids. Let it go. Don't stay friends 

You seem to dislike her and have little respect for her. You're quite contemptuous and dismissive of her. No need to stay friends or stay in touch.

Stop ruminating about this message. It doesn't matter.

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2 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

No one has thanked you for a message before? I thank people daily especially the ones I don’t want to hear from. I do it without thinking because it’s good manners. Consider a “thank you” similar and as simple to a “pardon me”. It’s best to acknowledge it but let go.

You’re very hung up on this for some reason. Yet even if it did have hidden meaning, does it matter? It likely doesn’t. The relationship ended. Don’t let this drive you up the wall.

But it is odd considering, when we split up, she ignored a lot of my messages, then we had an argument and she blocked me.

now she’s thanking me for sending her a message suggesting we can be friends..

 

only time she ever thanked me for a message previously was after we had an argument and I txt her early morning saying I was sorry in what ever I did to upset her..

Iv never seen her thank anyone for sending her a message, she replies to them like most people do..

if someone sent me a message that I wasn’t expecting but perhaps I was hoping to hear from I may thank them and say it’s lovely to hear from you. 
 

Or unless someone’s done me a good deed and they txt me to tell me of the good deed etc..

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6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You seem to dislike her and have little respect for her. You're quite contemptuous and dismissive of her.

Where on earth do you get that from? I hold absolutely no grudge against her at all..  no ones perfect,  some people may be bitter and twisted and to weak mentally to be friends with an ex, I have ex’s on my social media and we chat once in a while and if they needed me I’d help them..

Iv had lunch with 2 of her ex’s in her home, I’v let her ex perform physio on me too, I was happy with the situation..

she ended the relationship for her reasons, I have no need to be bitter about the break up..

I’m not challenging it or changing her mind..

I just felt it was an odd situation to go from blocking me after an argument because I turned down her offer of friendship, but then thank me for sending a message which she’s rarely done since I met her..

I'm not saying this applies to my situation but some people split up and realise they made a mistake,  not everyone blocks there ex because they finished the relationship..  blocking someone without good reason is weak and childish IMO..

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I can see why you think it’s uncharacteristic or seems strange but respectfully, this does not matter. You’re flogging a dead horse. It is over.

The way I’m reading it is she is respectful and polite. You turned her down for friendship. She is not seeming interested nor is she showing she made any mistake ending the rl.

It’s better to cool off and process the break up. Space is good. You made the right decision not to be friends. Now walk the talk and move on. 

 

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46 minutes ago, Phill73 said:

 some people split up and realise they made a mistake,  not everyone blocks there ex because they finished the relationship..  

Ok. So you want her back and that's why you're analysing this message to death. 

If she wants you back, she'll let you know.

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12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok. So you want her back and that's why you're analysing this message to death. 

If she wants you back, she'll let you know.

No I’m not saying that.  I’m not chasing the relationship..

she initially wanted to remain friends, I’m not seeing any reason why not as she’s not causing any problems to me..

if she came back it’d be her choice but that doesn’t mean I’d have to take her back..

Iv accepted the split up, I’m wondering what to do in respect to friendship..

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4 hours ago, Phill73 said:

Can I ask what’s with that thanking me for the message? If she didn’t want to hear from me she wouldn’t be thanking me right?

You are taking everything she says at face value. Lots of times they say phrases like "lets be friends", "lets stay in touch" while never intending to do so. Its like one of those friends that you see in town and they say "lets have a coffee sometimes". While never bothering to get in touch with you ever. You are the one to reach out. If she hasnt bothered to reach out, she doesnt really want even friendship. Just because she answered politely to message, doesnt mean she wants to get back together. Or even to stay in touch with you. Again, that is just a phrase some people use, its not really what they mean.

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49 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

You are taking everything she says at face value. Lots of times they say phrases like "lets be friends", "lets stay in touch"

I get what you’re saying but when I asked her why we should be friends she said it would be hugely beneficial..

and she copped a strop on when I said no..

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1 hour ago, Phill73 said:

and she copped a strop on when I said no..

Ok , so don't be her friend or buzz around in the friendzone hoping for reconciliation.

Just delete and block her and all her people from all your social media and messaging apps.

Next time slow down and don't get engaged in 8 mos. or lose this much sleep over a 14 mos. relationship fraught with issues, conflicts and incompatibilities all along.

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6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

fraught with issues

Her issues to be fair. When she made the effort like I did we got on really well. I don’t know why but she seem to think everything was about her and her needs, I was meant to be a mind reader and constantly give to her and guess what she needed.

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7 hours ago, Phill73 said:

Can I ask what’s with that thanking me for the message?

You're reading way too much into that. 

It's just a polite throw-away line people use. Nothing more. She likely didn't give it a second thought, so resist the temptation to assign deeper meaning where there probably isn't any. 

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3 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

You're reading way too much into that. 

It's just a polite throw-away line people use. Nothing more. She likely didn't give it a second thought, so resist the temptation to assign deeper meaning where there probably isn't any. 

Exactly it is a return to arm length friendzone. 

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Most people complain when they don't get a thank you for something and here you are complaining because you do!  It's the polite thing to do, to thank someone for whatever they have done.   She thanked you for your message.

Time to let this go, she seems done with you for whatever reason.  No point in trying to be friends with her, just delete and block her and her friends on your social media and move on with your life.

 

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36 minutes ago, melancholy123 said:

ime to let this go, she seems done with you for whatever reason.  No point in trying to be friends with her, just delete and block her and her friends on your social media and move on with your life.

I’m not complaining she said thank you,  it just sounds like she was pleased to hear from me 🤷‍♂️..

 

Why do everyone say block your ex and everyone associated with her?    yes she ended it but doesn’t make her some psycho, what if she realised she made huge mistakes and wanted to sort things out it would be like cutting my nose off despite my face?

 

if she was abusing me I’d understand needing to block her,  why block your ex just because they dumped you?

 

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