Confused pls help

[Situation]

Okay so last year around April I meet this beautiful gorgeous blonde on Facebook. She tells me she’s separated from her husband and going through a divorce and lives alone and I start coming over. I later found out she was still married during that time and he was still living there. When he found out about me, he messaged me on Facebook and told me they were still married and haven’t even agreed on a divorce and she told me he was crazy and to block him so I did. 

A few weeks later she told me he had moved out and they hadn’t filed yet so I started staying there with her a lot overnight and she would make me hide my car so no one could see because she said her husband would use adulatory in court if he knew because he’s very spiteful. He messaged me again from another account and I blocked it as well. This time he was very angry. 

One of her kids and her landlord eventually told him I had been staying there and he came there one day to get stuff and noticed my bags everywhere. This was in August. I started seeing her in May and they waited until August to file. He said she was telling him at the time she didn’t know what she wanted. 

I noticed he and I have similarities. We are both green eyed, dark completed, dark hair. When they first got married he was very fit but the trucking industry hasn’t been good to him. I on the other hand just got divorced last year and used the gym to cope so now I kind of look how he did when they first got married. 

Well before their divorce was final he moved back in with her (she said she couldn’t stop him because the house was in his name) and she pretended her and I broke up. I was visiting her one day and a neighbor called and told him while he was on the road and she made me go along with a story that I was there to get some things I left. He told her that was disrespectful to him and she made me leave and pretended she told me to never come back. 

Fast forward to now we are publicly dating and it’s all over Facebook but I notice her and her ex husband still talk a lot. Her kids don’t like me and tell me their mom still tells their dad she loves him and I see her talking to him on snap all the time. It makes me wonder if maybe he’s in my old role now. I saw them talking about him being a sugar daddy or something and her talking about letting him touch and rub her for money. Do you think that’s all it is? Are there still feelings there? Are they or will they be sleeping together again eventually? The divorce was just finalized two months ago and they’re already having these exchanges and talking when I’m not around and on snap? She used snap to cheat on him with me. 

I’ve never listened to his side of the story and mostly because he is so angry when he talks to me and she does (in front of me) tell him to leave her alone that she doesn’t want him but I have seen messages where she tells him she doesn’t love me and doesn’t see us going anywhere and that she isn’t sure they could ever get back together or not. She tells Him “I still love you but I don’t want to regret trying again. It’s too soon. I don’t know what I want long term”. Then he asks if she wants me long term and she says she doesn’t think so. 

Right after we went public her ex husband sent me pictures of nude texts she had sent him, screenshots of her calling him over and over, and screenshots of her telling him he’s better than me at sex. I have also heard her tell him I was better and she doesn’t want him too. It’s almost like she goes back and forth. 

Do you guys think they are going to get back together? Am I just a placeholder? She was 16 and he was 18 when they got together. They were married 11 years and together for 13. They have three kids. One thing he has on me is he makes huge money and I don’t make hardly anything. Her and I have sex A LOT and she tells me she loves me but tells him she loves him and doesn’t love me but “she knows they can’t work right now but unsure of the future”. 

I am sorry this is long. Please help????? 

[Situation]

She also tells me she would never get back with him no matter what, but the snaps I’ve seen her send says she’s unsure of the future and doesn’t know what she wants. She basically makes it out like I’m just a short term solution that she likes for now but not for long and that he has a shot of getting her back if things calm down. 

[MissCanuck]

With respect, you would be naive to think you can expect a healthy and long-lasting relationship with this trainwreck of a woman. 

She is a mess. And you are going to get hurt when it all falls apart. 

[Situation]

1 minute ago, MissCanuck said:

With respect, you would be naive to think you can expect a healthy and long-lasting relationship with this trainwreck of a woman. 

She is a mess. And you are going to get hurt when it all falls apart. 

Because she still speaks to her ex? 

You honestly think something is going on there? The messages sounds like he gives her extra money to rub her legs and butt and an occasional kiss. I haven’t heard or seen anything about sex together. 

Do you think she still loves her ex? Wants him back? Or do you think she wants me? 

[catfeeder]

51 minutes ago, Situation said:

I later found out she was still married during that time and he was still living there.

What, exactly, is 'confusing' about this? It would have told me everything I'd need to know about her. She's a liar, and I won't have anything to do with her.

The rest is irrelevant, not complicated.

[Situation]

1 minute ago, catfeeder said:

What, exactly, is 'confusing' about this? It would have told me everything I'd need to know about her. She's a liar, and I won't have anything to do with her.

The rest is irrelevant, not complicated.

She told me she was miserable in the marriage and lied because she didn’t feel I would wait around so she wanted to keep me entertained until after the divorce. 

Do you guys think there is something going on between her and the ex? Is she still into him? I feel like she’s just using him. 

I really love this girl and don’t want to give up unless I know I’m bound for disaster. 

[MissCanuck]

Just now, Situation said:

Do you guys think there is something going on between her and the ex? Is she still into him? I feel like she’s just using him. 

She's just using you, OP. 

And yes, I think there is still something going on between them. But regardless, she doesn't love you and you would be crazy to trust her. 

Unfortunately, you've attached yourself to a very toxic individual. You aren't going to ride off into the sunset with a woman like this. 

[Situation]

Just now, MissCanuck said:

She's just using you, OP. 

And yes, I think there is still something going on between them. But regardless, she doesn't love you and you would be crazy to trust her. 

Unfortunately, you've attached yourself to a very toxic individual. You aren't going to ride off into the sunset with a woman like this. 

She tells me she loves me. I’m all over her Facebook. She divorced her husband when we met. We have sex near constantly and I pretty much live with her and she doesn’t ask me for any financial help. We get along super good. She’s always cuddling and kissing me. She appears super into me. 

She argues with her ex husband most of the time and he appears to be super jealous of me. I’m a little concerned they talk on snap and concerned that I’ve seen on her phone she calls him when I’m not there. I’m also concerned that the thigh and butt feels are going to turn into sex eventually or maybe she’s testing him to see if he will tell me anything? 

Can someone just tell me what they think is going on here? 

[MissCanuck]

Just now, Situation said:

Can someone just tell me what they think is going on here? 

She's rebounding with you. You're the placeholder. 

Gently, have you never had a girlfriend before or something? This woman is a disaster so it makes me wonder if you were rather lonely or desperate when she started paying attention to you, and now you're clinging to something that is obviously not going to last. 

[Situation]

Just now, MissCanuck said:

She's rebounding with you. You're the placeholder. 

Gently, have you never had a girlfriend before or something? This woman is a disaster so it makes me wonder if you were rather lonely or desperate when she started paying attention to you, and now you're clinging to something that is obviously not going to last. 

Why do you think it won’t last? I’ve been seeing her for seven months now? 

What part of this makes me a rebound? Who am I a placeholder for? For him? She left him and tells him all the time she doesn’t want to be with him right now. She just says she’s unsure of how she will feel later on. 

[MissCanuck]

Just now, Situation said:

Why do you think it won’t last?

Well, just about everything you have posted about her: she's a liar and a cheater. You don't have the foundation for a long-lasting relationship and these seven months have been full of glaring red flags. You need to wake up, man. You're being played for a total fool. 

3 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Gently, have you never had a girlfriend before or something?

What about this, OP?

[Situation]

1 minute ago, MissCanuck said:

Well, just about everything you have posted about her: she's a liar and a cheater. You don't have the foundation for a long-lasting relationship and these seven months have been full of glaring red flags. You need to wake up, man. You're being played for a total fool. 

What about this, OP?

I’ve been married before, for nine years. I have two kids of my own. 

I’ve caught her in some small lies yes. She lied to him way more than me. I think she basically tells him what she thinks he wants to hear so she can use him for money. 

[MissCanuck]

Just now, Situation said:

I’ve caught her in some small lies yes. 

Dude, you didn't even know she was still married and living with her husband. 

That is not a small lie. Not even close. 

Your relationship is built on deception - of her husband and you. You need better boundaries and standards for the women you let in your life. 

 

[Situation]

2 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Dude, you didn't even know she was still married and living with her husband. 

That is not a small lie. Not even close. 

Your relationship is built on deception - of her husband and you. You need better boundaries and standards for the women you let in your life. 

 

So break-up with her because she lied to me seven months ago? She lied because she was afraid her being married would scare me away. She told me she was leaving him and she did. 

[waffle]

Exactly how many usernames do you have here on this site?

[MissCanuck]

9 minutes ago, Situation said:

So break-up with her because she lied to me seven months ago? 

Yes, that's right. You never should have stayed with her after discovering that lie, to be frank. That was a big error in judgment on your part because that was no small lie. 

And she has continued to behave deceptively. 

You can keep making excuses for her, but it doesn't change the fact that she is not trustworthy and that this relationship too will eventually implode on you. That's what happens when you date people like her. 

[Situation]

6 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Yes, that's right. You never should have stayed with her after discovering that lie, to be frank. That was a big error in judgment on your part because that was no small lie. 

And she has continued to behave deceptively. 

You can keep making excuses for her, but it doesn't change the fact that she is not trustworthy and that this relationship too will eventually implode on you. That's what happens when you date people like her. 

Here’s how I see it: she was in a miserable marriage and needed a way out, she found me and fell in love with me and left her husband. She waited until she met me to leave him, but I’m everything she has ever wanted so she balanced two lives to keep me interested in fear of losing me. 

Today, she misses his income so she gives him silly things like butt and leg rubs for extra money. She makes him think he has a chance someday to avoid him turning on her. At the end of the day, she’s all in on me. 
 

 

[MissCanuck]

8 minutes ago, Situation said:

At the end of the day, she’s all in on me. 

If you have this all figured out, what is this thread for?

 

[catfeeder]

49 minutes ago, Situation said:

I’m bound for disaster. 

Whenever something starts with a lie, it's already a disaster. 

You're just prolonging your own agony.

[Situation]

1 minute ago, MissCanuck said:

If you have this all figured out, what is this thread for?

 

I just want some second opinions. Basically, this is what I’m asking.. 

1- Do you all think she still loves her ex? 
2- Do you think they are doing or will eventually do more than leg touches? 
3- Do you think her and I will last? 
4- Do you think they will get back together? 

[boltnrun]

You're totally ok with her selling herself? 

It doesn't seem to matter how many lies she tells or what awful things she says about you, you will stay no matter what. That's kind of sad, TBH.

[Situation]

Just now, boltnrun said:

You're totally ok with her selling herself? 

It doesn't seem to matter how many lies she tells or what awful things she says about you, you will stay no matter what. That's kind of sad, TBH.

The lies she has told are mostly in the past. What I’m concerned with is what is going on right now or where this will lead. 

So with that being said… where do you guys see this going? What’s really going on between her and him? How does she really feel about this? 

[boltnrun]

You're totally ok with her selling herself?

[MissCanuck]

4 minutes ago, Situation said:

1- Do you all think she still loves her ex? 
2- Do you think they are doing or will eventually do more than leg touches? 
3- Do you think her and I will last? 
4- Do you think they will get back together? 

1. Yes

2. Yes

3. No 

4. Yes

[Situation]

3 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

1. Yes

2. Yes

3. No 

4. Yes

Then why did she leave him for me? Why is she public with me? Why does she yell and scream at him so much? 

Just help me understand please.