Jump to content

Ending it after 5 dates


jd1942147
 Share

Message added by kamurj,

Multiple accounts are not allowed. Topic closed.

Recommended Posts

I've been on 5 dates with a girl I met on Tinder over the course of the past month.

Things have been moving pretty slowly, mainly because of me.

She is quite pretty and has a fun personality, but I'm not convinced we're soul mates and also I've been under a lot of stress lately and don't feel up to dating anymore.

Would it be okay to text her saying I can't carry on dating her? I find the idea of calling her out of the blue to be quite terrifying, especially as she hasn't done anything wrong.

We did arrange to go for a drink in a few days time so I wasn't sure if I should tell her in person? But feel that may be wasting her time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You can do whatever you want, there's no laws pertaining to this sort of thing, it's a moral responsibility issue.

That much being said, text breakups are lame and cowardly. Not that you're actually "together" in a relationship but it's not all that different.

The "right" thing to do is call her up and tell her you're too stressed out and you don't feel like dating anymore.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 dates you do owe her some respect and honesty don't you think?

I wouldn't meet her for a drink to dump her and definitely don't ghost her.

   Be brave and give her a call when you know she is able to talk.  Be honest and tell her what you told us.  It will be uncomfortable but in the long run she will be better off.

 Now you say you don't feel up to dating at all so that means she will not see you on Tinder the day after you dump her right?

  If you handle this right with respect and compassion who knows you may run into her some day and the timing might be right and she just might agree to date you again.

   If you are to chicken to call her send her a text.  I don't like it but it is better than asking her out to dump her.

 Lost

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Then again, despite my post above, I recall about 15 years ago I was single and dating and there was this one girl I just wasn't sure about. We went out several times over maybe a month or so, but I was also dating other women at the same time. Periods of time would go by when I wouldn't call her as I was "sampling" other women, but every time I contacted her for a date she was all in.

Finally I decided to go with another girl and simply stopped contacting her.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for the replies, I forgot to mention that we've never actually spoken on the phone before which is why I'd feel weird doing it over the phone.

If I call her she might get excited about it, only to then find out that I'm wanting to call it quits.

I can't turn up at her house either as I don't know her address.

Maybe I'll give her a call but I'd need to think of how to do it so that it won't be such a shock

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Call her, let her know that you appreciate the time together but you’re not feeling enough chemistry, you would like to cancel the date and go your separate ways. Leave the soulmates talk out. It’s too much. Be gracious about it. Don’t hang up if she’s mid-sentence. Wait for her to respond and wish each other all the best.

It’s only five dates so don’t overthink this. I can see how a person would feel disappointed but you’re setting each other free to pursue others whom you may be more compatible with. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 minutes ago, jd1942147 said:

Maybe I'll give her a call but I'd need to think of how to do it so that it won't be such a shock

It's ok to send a sincere text that you're not ready to date. Don't call and don't dress up a dump as a date. Just be honest, brief and kind. That's it.

 It's 5 dates over 30 days, not  divorce papers or cancer diagnosis. There won't be any "shock", just disappointment. 

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I vote for a call. With 5 dates you at least own her that. Text is kinda depersonalized. OK if you maybe met for a drink once and you didnt feel it, but after 5 dates you should at least call her and tell her how it is. That you wont be going on the date and that you dont feel it. Its more scary solution for you probably, but again, I think you at least own her that much. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, jd1942147 said:

Thanks for the replies, I forgot to mention that we've never actually spoken on the phone before which is why I'd feel weird doing it over the phone.

If I call her she might get excited about it, only to then find out that I'm wanting to call it quits.

I can't turn up at her house either as I don't know her address.

Maybe I'll give her a call but I'd need to think of how to do it so that it won't be such a shock

Text and ask if she has time for a phone call.  I think it's the right thing to do.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

21 hours ago, jd1942147 said:

. . . I'm not convinced we're soul mates. . . 

I'm not saying this woman is IT, but if I were you I'd quit looking for an instant "soul mate" and focus on compatibility and other solid factors or you're going to be spinning your wheels for a long, long time.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...