I don't know if she is interested or not, should I tell her I like her ?

HugoB · December 29, 2021

I like a girl but I always initiate the conversation, she always reply fast but she doesn't talk as much as I do, usually short replies or questions, but she was the one who asked me for a first date after she canceled twice when I asked her.

We are classmates from 3 months, but not close, I asked her for a second date, twice, and she finds excuses that I don't know if they're true, without setting another date, however she did the same before the first date and then she is the one who came and asked me.

she once refused my small gift to her then later apologized and asked me to give it to her.

she showed some interest, especially by asking me out, but also showed low interest by not texting me first, only 2 or 3 times, and with her short conversations (it's been more than 7 weeks like that) and by canceling dates,

it's like between yes and no.

I don't understand what should be my next move, to stop talking to her or tell her what I feel

Wiseman2 · December 29, 2021

Ask her for a specific date . Ask her when she can go.

If she cancels or stalls again then leave her alone and don't be a textbuddy or male-girlfriend.

Keep in mind she may be dating other guys and is therefore being this flakey. Date other girls in the meantime.

Kwothe28 · December 29, 2021

One thing I learned during this year is that, no matter how its confusing, if its confusing its not worth your time and effort.

She is not texting first, replies in short sentences and turns off dates with excuses without rescheduling them. She is not interested. Now you may be wondering: If she is not interested why is she replying, calls on date or even accept gift? Well, some people enjoy attention. And you are giving her exactly that. When you stop giving her that, she pulls you back in for more attention. Except for that attention you give her, she doesnt appreciate you.

So, bow out. Its not worth your time to spend it on somebody who doesnt appreciate you and your time and effort. Its as simple as that sometimes.

lostandhurt · December 29, 2021

Should you tell her you like her? You already have several times by asking her out so she knows you like her.

Try backing off and let her decide if she wants to go on a date with you. The last thing you want is to have to convince someone to like you. If it isn't there is just isn't there.

She has been lukewarm and cold thus far so it doesn't look good I am afraid. You best bet is to get busy doing other things and chatting up other girls to keep you from dwelling on this one girl.

Ideally you want someone that is just as excited to spend time with you as you are to spend time with them.

Lost

smackie9 · January 1

On 12/29/2021 at 8:54 AM, HugoB said:

I like a girl but I always initiate the conversation, she always reply fast but she doesn't talk as much as I do, usually short replies or questions, but she was the one who asked me for a first date after she canceled twice when I asked her.

We are classmates from 3 months, but not close, I asked her for a second date, twice, and she finds excuses that I don't know if they're true, without setting another date, however she did the same before the first date and then she is the one who came and asked me.

she once refused my small gift to her then later apologized and asked me to give it to her.

she showed some interest, especially by asking me out, but also showed low interest by not texting me first, only 2 or 3 times, and with her short conversations (it's been more than 7 weeks like that) and by canceling dates,

it's like between yes and no.

I don't understand what should be my next move, to stop talking to her or tell her what I feel

Be distant and aloof. See if she reacts. That is the best course of action. We desire most that is out of reach. Pouring heart out is a turn off so don’t do it.

HugoB · January 6

On 1/1/2022 at 6:44 PM, smackie9 said:

Be distant and aloof. See if she reacts. That is the best course of action. We desire most that is out of reach. Pouring heart out is a turn off so don’t do it.

Thank you for your answer @smackie9

She reacted, she texted me when I stopped but didn't ask why I stopped, and a few days later I texted her too, and her replies were fast and long and asking questions, so and it was good, so I am more confused now if I should do the same again, or else.

I am too cautious to not look needy or desperate, so I didn't ask her out again,but still, texting me after I disappeared isn't a yes, she isn't giving any hint for a yes or a no.

I am also afraid if I give up, she may misunderstand it, while there may be a chance and I just didn't know how to handle it, let me know what you think, thank you.

(we are both in university, over 21 years old)

Edited January 6 by HugoB

smackie9 · January 6

If she likes you enough, she will keep trying to get your attention. BUT if she's not being flirty or laying hints about doing something together, then she's got you in the friends zone and there is no changing that.

Andrina · January 7

18 hours ago, HugoB said:

I am too cautious to not look needy or desperate, so I didn't ask her out again,

This is a game. With a person who is right for you, you don't have to play games. With a person who is right for you, the interest from both sides will be crystal clear. You asked her out twice after the first date and she NEVER suggested an alternate date. Her texting is not asking you out. The ball is in her court. And don't keep harping on her one ask after two rejections at the beginning. You are grasping for straws there that that meant serious interest.

The right relationship will progress and not regress. This has regressed. You are operating from a position of passivity and walking on eggshells. What would I do in your shoes? If you want to ignore the signs of her low interest and give it one last shot, the next time she texts, actually call her and say: How's it going? (She replies) I want to go see the new Spiderman movie Friday or Saturday. Would you like to go?

If she is busy and doesn't suggest an alternate date, I'd say: Okay. I'm really looking to date someone who's available a few times a week, and after two months of texting with you, I see this isn't going to happen, so I think it's best we stop texting.

Don't let people keep you on a line they never reel in. You're in charge of your life, and you need to be active in making it go the way you want it to. Cut the losers loose to free you for the woman who will be crazy about you, and there won't be any guessing involved.

SL1 · January 7

Sometimes people are shy but I mean you have been trying effortlessly to go on a date etc and it’s not fair on you? Even the fact she refused your gift -quite rude if I’m honest.

I say maybe one more shot and if she cancels again then move on, life is too short to chase after people who don’t see the greatness in you!

HugoB · January 10

On 1/7/2022 at 3:28 PM, Andrina said:

This is a game. With a person who is right for you, you don't have to play games. With a person who is right for you, the interest from both sides will be crystal clear. You asked her out twice after the first date and she NEVER suggested an alternate date. Her texting is not asking you out. The ball is in her court. And don't keep harping on her one ask after two rejections at the beginning. You are grasping for straws there that that meant serious interest.

The right relationship will progress and not regress. This has regressed. You are operating from a position of passivity and walking on eggshells. What would I do in your shoes? If you want to ignore the signs of her low interest and give it one last shot, the next time she texts, actually call her and say: How's it going? (She replies) I want to go see the new Spiderman movie Friday or Saturday. Would you like to go?

If she is busy and doesn't suggest an alternate date, I'd say: Okay. I'm really looking to date someone who's available a few times a week, and after two months of texting with you, I see this isn't going to happen, so I think it's best we stop texting.

Don't let people keep you on a line they never reel in. You're in charge of your life, and you need to be active in making it go the way you want it to. Cut the losers loose to free you for the woman who will be crazy about you, and there won't be any guessing involved.

Thank you so much @Andrina for your detailed answer, it helps a lot.

I have one concern, that I may gave her a bad impression of myself as we knew each others during a group project, and my work was not so good and in other subject I didn't perform very well, just average, but she is excellent in her studies, and I felt that she was a bit upset with my work, as well as sometimes I showed a little bit low confidence when I talk.

I changed now but I am so afraid that my personality may be the problem 😢 and that I ruined it by myself, because who wants to be with someone who is not so good at his work or studies or not so confident, in addition to all that I got fired from my job just a week before my date with her.

so I have a lot of questions in my mind like, what if I waited more and showed her a better version of myself, what if ....

I have been rejected 3 times in my life, and I had 2 relationships before, and I feel so tired and depressed, I am already 29 years old, not an adolescent, but still suffer from these things.

Edited January 10 by HugoB

Andrina · January 10

If it's any consolation, if a person has been lucky in love for a lifelong, serious relationship before their mid twenties, they've plain been lucky, as most people don't even know themselves well enough in their late teens and early twenties, so how will they wisely choose a lifetime partner?

I wished I'd waited until your age to get serious with anyone. I married way too young and didn't choose the right husband the first time around.

I'd probably think of those relationships you've had as starter relationships, where each of you had learning experiences, whether for self-growth or self-realization of what you want and what you don't want in a relationship.

I'd suggest reading books on how to change your self-talk to a more positive one. I used to beat myself up about past mistakes, and then learned how to stop those thoughts and redirect to another mindset that was more beneficial.

You could also seek therapy to get some pointers on how to get to a good place mentally. Good luck.